How to Deal with a Jerk at Work
Ask the person., Think about his or her tone., Subtly ask around., Look at your own performance., Observe the jerk's performance., Look at the type of work he or she does., Look into his or her home life respectfully.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask the person.
Of course, you won't want to walk up to the jerk and say "why are you mean to me?" Instead, tell him or her you want to get along with everyone at work, and ask if there is something you should or shouldn't be doing.
It is possible that he or she simply is not familiar with you, and having this face-to-face may break the ice.
If you don't feel comfortable having this conversation, you may need to try more indirect methods. -
Step 2: Think about his or her tone.
If either of you is new to the job, you simply may not know each other yet.
Many people deal with stressful or dissatisfying workplace environments with sarcastic annoyance.
However, if his or her comments are truly hurtful and/or aimed only at you or a select group of people, keep an eye on the behavior.
Don’t let 1 or 2 interactions constitute your opinion of your new coworker.
Only make up your mind that he or she is a jerk after an established pattern of behavior. , You need to be careful when asking your coworkers if they have noticed the jerk’s behavior.
You don’t want to mislead people into thinking there is a rivalry or conflict that needs resolving.
However, it may be useful to ask a simple question that allows others to confide in you.
After all, if the jerk in question is having trouble at home, you don’t want to add to his or her pain by starting gossip about him or her at work.
Don’t schedule appointments or go out of your way to have these conversations.
If you do, however, casually find yourself in a somewhat private situation, mention your coworker’s behavior.
You might say something like, “Bob seems a bit tense today,” or something more targeted like, “the way Bob acts lately you’d think I did something to him.” Make your question or comment appropriate for how well you know the third party. , Unfortunately, some people deal with struggling coworkers by being rude instead of helping them improve.
This may be unpleasant, but you should think about whether the jerk's comments relate to your mistakes.
This doesn’t mean he or she is in the right.
It is, though, a necessary element to recognize so you can suggest it as the root of your coworker's unfriendliness when you talk with him or her, your boss, or other appropriate department.
You might later say, “Bob has been short and unfriendly with me lately, and I just wonder if it is because I lost the Randleman account.” Don’t sound like you are too sure about this, because an impartial observer may quickly tell you some other more likely reason – perhaps he or she are going through a divorce and you hadn’t heard yet. , The problem may not lie with you.
He or she may not be performing well, and feel the need to compensate by acting more serious at work.
For some people, this translates into eliminating friendliness.
If you are doing particularly well, he or she may see you as a competitor and even be jealous of your performance., Not all jobs are rainbows and unicorns, and not all people are meant for the role they play at work.
If your job itself is a source of dissatisfaction and stress, and isn’t rewarding, that may be the reason the jerk isn't always nice.
Not everyone copes with these drawbacks of employment well, so try to be understanding.
Refrain from telling the jerk he or she is being whiny or ungrateful.
That is more combative than calming.
Remember that not everyone gets the same benefits from a shared experience, like their job. , Tread lightly with this one.
If both of you seem to be performing well and there has been no major change in work recently, it may be a personal problem.
This is another time it might help to ask a coworker.
An even better option might be to mention it to your supervisor.
Make sure you are coming from a place of concern, not accusation.
You might say, “Bob has been short and even rude with me lately.
Do you know if he’s having problems outside the office? I just want to be as understanding as possible.” Other signs you might look for may be frequent calls from home; if he or she regularly arrives late or leave early; if he or she seems stressed or tired every day; or if his or her unhappiness is evident even when no one is around. -
Step 3: Subtly ask around.
-
Step 4: Look at your own performance.
-
Step 5: Observe the jerk's performance.
-
Step 6: Look at the type of work he or she does.
-
Step 7: Look into his or her home life respectfully.
Detailed Guide
Of course, you won't want to walk up to the jerk and say "why are you mean to me?" Instead, tell him or her you want to get along with everyone at work, and ask if there is something you should or shouldn't be doing.
It is possible that he or she simply is not familiar with you, and having this face-to-face may break the ice.
If you don't feel comfortable having this conversation, you may need to try more indirect methods.
If either of you is new to the job, you simply may not know each other yet.
Many people deal with stressful or dissatisfying workplace environments with sarcastic annoyance.
However, if his or her comments are truly hurtful and/or aimed only at you or a select group of people, keep an eye on the behavior.
Don’t let 1 or 2 interactions constitute your opinion of your new coworker.
Only make up your mind that he or she is a jerk after an established pattern of behavior. , You need to be careful when asking your coworkers if they have noticed the jerk’s behavior.
You don’t want to mislead people into thinking there is a rivalry or conflict that needs resolving.
However, it may be useful to ask a simple question that allows others to confide in you.
After all, if the jerk in question is having trouble at home, you don’t want to add to his or her pain by starting gossip about him or her at work.
Don’t schedule appointments or go out of your way to have these conversations.
If you do, however, casually find yourself in a somewhat private situation, mention your coworker’s behavior.
You might say something like, “Bob seems a bit tense today,” or something more targeted like, “the way Bob acts lately you’d think I did something to him.” Make your question or comment appropriate for how well you know the third party. , Unfortunately, some people deal with struggling coworkers by being rude instead of helping them improve.
This may be unpleasant, but you should think about whether the jerk's comments relate to your mistakes.
This doesn’t mean he or she is in the right.
It is, though, a necessary element to recognize so you can suggest it as the root of your coworker's unfriendliness when you talk with him or her, your boss, or other appropriate department.
You might later say, “Bob has been short and unfriendly with me lately, and I just wonder if it is because I lost the Randleman account.” Don’t sound like you are too sure about this, because an impartial observer may quickly tell you some other more likely reason – perhaps he or she are going through a divorce and you hadn’t heard yet. , The problem may not lie with you.
He or she may not be performing well, and feel the need to compensate by acting more serious at work.
For some people, this translates into eliminating friendliness.
If you are doing particularly well, he or she may see you as a competitor and even be jealous of your performance., Not all jobs are rainbows and unicorns, and not all people are meant for the role they play at work.
If your job itself is a source of dissatisfaction and stress, and isn’t rewarding, that may be the reason the jerk isn't always nice.
Not everyone copes with these drawbacks of employment well, so try to be understanding.
Refrain from telling the jerk he or she is being whiny or ungrateful.
That is more combative than calming.
Remember that not everyone gets the same benefits from a shared experience, like their job. , Tread lightly with this one.
If both of you seem to be performing well and there has been no major change in work recently, it may be a personal problem.
This is another time it might help to ask a coworker.
An even better option might be to mention it to your supervisor.
Make sure you are coming from a place of concern, not accusation.
You might say, “Bob has been short and even rude with me lately.
Do you know if he’s having problems outside the office? I just want to be as understanding as possible.” Other signs you might look for may be frequent calls from home; if he or she regularly arrives late or leave early; if he or she seems stressed or tired every day; or if his or her unhappiness is evident even when no one is around.
About the Author
Jonathan Reed
Enthusiastic about teaching DIY projects techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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