How to Make Shared Custody Work
Put the child first., Consider professional help., Decide how to split time., Decide how to divide other responsibilities., Get a judge to approve the agreement.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Put the child first.
In a shared custody arrangement, a legal plan is created to determine parental rights and responsibilities.When creating the plan, write down all of the child’s activities.
Then, figure out which parent is best prepared to stick to the routine.
Specifically, focus on what would work best for:
Your children's ages, temperaments, and emotional needs The career and social commitments of each parent (work schedules and social commitments, for example) The academic and extracurricular activities your children are involved in (who will find it easiest to get the kids to soccer practice or piano lessons, fore example?) Child-care arrangements and the distance between the parents' homes -
Step 2: Consider professional help.
When creating this plan, it may be helpful to have a third party facilitate the discussion.
Consider hiring a mediator or attorneys to make this process smoother.During a divorce, both parents may be too emotional to craft a plan like this on their own.
In some cases, the court may offer mediation services for this purpose. , After thinking about your children's needs, the next step is generally to determine how to divide up custody time.
In other words, you have to decide who gets the kids when.
There are any number of possible arrangements.
One common choice is the "2-2-3 plan." In this arrangement, kids spend Monday and Tuesday with Mom, Wednesday and Thursday with Dad, Friday through Sunday with Mom.
Then, the schedule flips:
Monday and Tuesday with Dad, and so on.Another arrangement is a simple Monday through Thursday/Friday through Sunday plan, in which the week is simply divided into two chunks.
This isn't a completely even split, but works well for school aged children, who get to leave for school from the same home every day.Some people find that longer periods with each parent help create a better sense of stability for the children, and choose to alternate full weeks, months, or even years.. , Shared custody isn't just about scheduling where the children spend their days and nights.
Other agreements should be reached about major parenting responsibilities.
If a child needs to visit the doctor, for instance, does the responsibility for that simply fall with the parent he or she is staying with at the time? Or, are both parents always involved? What about parent-teacher conferences? Who gets the final say over major decisions in a child's life, such as when a child can start dating, or how to deal with major disciplinary matters? Are these responsibilities delegated, or will they be discussed by both parents? Ultimately, being able to make major decisions like this as a team is what will make shared custody work.
If you don't think you'll be able to have these types of conversations moving forward, until the children are grown, shared custody may not be the right arrangement for your children., A shared custody appointment must be formally approved by a judge to be legal.
In most cases, if both parents agree to the terms of the agreement, a judge will sign off on it.In cases in which parents cannot agree, a judge may offer input or otherwise intervene in the creation of a custody plan.
If either parent believes the other is not living up to the agreement, he or she may ask the judge to intervene to compel him or her to do so, or to alter the agreement. -
Step 3: Decide how to split time.
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Step 4: Decide how to divide other responsibilities.
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Step 5: Get a judge to approve the agreement.
Detailed Guide
In a shared custody arrangement, a legal plan is created to determine parental rights and responsibilities.When creating the plan, write down all of the child’s activities.
Then, figure out which parent is best prepared to stick to the routine.
Specifically, focus on what would work best for:
Your children's ages, temperaments, and emotional needs The career and social commitments of each parent (work schedules and social commitments, for example) The academic and extracurricular activities your children are involved in (who will find it easiest to get the kids to soccer practice or piano lessons, fore example?) Child-care arrangements and the distance between the parents' homes
When creating this plan, it may be helpful to have a third party facilitate the discussion.
Consider hiring a mediator or attorneys to make this process smoother.During a divorce, both parents may be too emotional to craft a plan like this on their own.
In some cases, the court may offer mediation services for this purpose. , After thinking about your children's needs, the next step is generally to determine how to divide up custody time.
In other words, you have to decide who gets the kids when.
There are any number of possible arrangements.
One common choice is the "2-2-3 plan." In this arrangement, kids spend Monday and Tuesday with Mom, Wednesday and Thursday with Dad, Friday through Sunday with Mom.
Then, the schedule flips:
Monday and Tuesday with Dad, and so on.Another arrangement is a simple Monday through Thursday/Friday through Sunday plan, in which the week is simply divided into two chunks.
This isn't a completely even split, but works well for school aged children, who get to leave for school from the same home every day.Some people find that longer periods with each parent help create a better sense of stability for the children, and choose to alternate full weeks, months, or even years.. , Shared custody isn't just about scheduling where the children spend their days and nights.
Other agreements should be reached about major parenting responsibilities.
If a child needs to visit the doctor, for instance, does the responsibility for that simply fall with the parent he or she is staying with at the time? Or, are both parents always involved? What about parent-teacher conferences? Who gets the final say over major decisions in a child's life, such as when a child can start dating, or how to deal with major disciplinary matters? Are these responsibilities delegated, or will they be discussed by both parents? Ultimately, being able to make major decisions like this as a team is what will make shared custody work.
If you don't think you'll be able to have these types of conversations moving forward, until the children are grown, shared custody may not be the right arrangement for your children., A shared custody appointment must be formally approved by a judge to be legal.
In most cases, if both parents agree to the terms of the agreement, a judge will sign off on it.In cases in which parents cannot agree, a judge may offer input or otherwise intervene in the creation of a custody plan.
If either parent believes the other is not living up to the agreement, he or she may ask the judge to intervene to compel him or her to do so, or to alter the agreement.
About the Author
Edward Harris
Experienced content creator specializing in home improvement guides and tutorials.
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