How to Steal Cookies from the Jar

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Check if the coast is clear.

   Is anyone around? Will anyone witness the crime you're about to commit? If you are sure the coast is clear, then get ready to make your move.
   
   If you think you will be seen, wait until there is no one in the vicinity.
   
   Now proceed to the next step.
2. 2

   Step 2: Know your target.

   How hungry are you? How many cookies do you intend to steal? You need to know this before you get your hand in the jar; if you take two, stuff them in your mouth and then realise you really wanted three, you will have to risk your life by sneaking into the kitchen again.
   
   Not recommended! , Creep carefully and quietly across the kitchen.
   
   If you have a carpet, proceed to step 4 now. If you have wooden floors, make sure you learn which floorboards creak and which ones are safe.
   
   If you make a mistake and tread on a creaky one, make a quick dash back to your HQ and wait to see if anyone noticed.
   
   If you are caught in the act, make a speedy excuse and retire to your bedroom.
   
   You have failed the mission. , If your cookie jar is on a high shelf, reach up carefully to take the jar down and place it on the side.
   
   If your cookie jar is kept in a cupboard, quietly open the cupboard door, making sure it doesn't creak, and lift the jar out.
   
   If your cookie jar is kept on the worktop or work surface, leave it where it is and proceed to the next step. , If there are prying eyes, quickly make an excuse and retire to your room.
   
   You have failed your mission.
   
   If you are certain that no one is watching you, screw/lift the lid off the jar and place if carefully to one side. , If you dropped the lid with an awfully loud clatter, shove it back on with lightning speed and hide in your room.
   
   Once you are sure no one suspected anything, go back through the steps and proceed to the next one. , WARNING:
   Only proceed to the next step if there are more than two cookies.
   
   If there are two or less cookies, then someone will notice that you have taken them and you will be charged with the theft of two innocent cookies.
   
   Retire to your room and ignore the hunger in your stomach.
   
   You have failed your mission. , If they are chocolate chip cookies, you may need to progress to the next step rather quickly to avoid melting the chocolate in your hands and leaving evidence that it was you. , If you have pockets, carefully put the cookies in your pockets without breaking or crumbling them; this leaves evidence that it was you that did the deed.
   
   If you don't have pockets, then either place the cookies momentarily on the side or, if you are definite that the coast is clear, eat them now.
   
   Alternatively, bite gently on them with the front of your teeth so that you can screw the lid on with your hands. ,, If you cannot remember it's exact previous position, try to relocate it as close as you can to it's original spot.
   
   Make sure there are no crumbs on the crime scene.
   
   If there are, collect them quickly in your hand and dispose of them in the bin or
   - more tastefully
   - in your mouth. , It would be a shame to ruin it all now! , You deserve it.
   
   Well done, soldier!
3. 3

   Step 3: Make your move.

4. 4

   Step 4: If no one noticed

5. 5

   Step 5: come out from your HQ and proceed again to cross the kitchen

6. 6

   Step 6: this time avoiding the creaky floorboards.

7. 7

   Step 7: Double check that you are alone.

8. 8

   Step 8: What to do if you dropped the lid.

9. 9

   Step 9: Once the lid is safely off

10. 10

    Step 10: slide your hand into the jar and fumble around for the cookies.

11. 11

    Step 11: If you are certain that there are more than two cookies

12. 12

    Step 12: remember how many cookies you wanted to steal and close your fist around that number of cookies.

13. 13

    Step 13: Remove your hand from the jar.

14. 14

    Step 14: Secure the lid.

15. 15

    Step 15: Replace the jar exactly where it was before.

16. 16

    Step 16: Make a speedy exit from the scene

17. 17

    Step 17: avoiding any creaky floorboards.

18. 18

    Step 18: If you haven't already eaten your prize

19. 19

    Step 19: retire to your HQ and feast.

Detailed Guide

About the Author