How to Build a Child's Self Esteem
Praise their effort rather than a trait or accomplishment., Avoid insincere praising., Encourage good behavior through targeted praise.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Praise their effort rather than a trait or accomplishment.
When you praise a child, acknowledge the amount of effort they put into their activity.
This encourages their hard work
-- they realize their hard work is noticed and valued by others.
Focusing praise on a result or a personality trait, however, emphasizes you value something they may not necessarily able to control.For example, if your child shows you a picture they drew, praise the effort that went into it.
You could say, “I can tell you spent a lot of time on this picture.
Look how much detail you put on the bird’s feathers!” Do not praise the child for “being such a good artist” or blanket praise the picture with a non-specific “Good job!” For example, if your child brings home a good grade on an exam, you could say, “I’m so proud of you! You studied hard for this unit, and it paid off.” This would be better than saying, “You’re always so smart in social studies!” or “That A+ will look great on our refrigerator!” Focusing on intelligence and outcome can be problematic because there will be times when a subject doesn’t naturally come easily to them.
There will also be times when they will work very hard and still fall short of their goal.
Focusing on a characteristic or end result doesn’t encourage pride in one’s own effort. -
Step 2: Avoid insincere praising.
Adults often fall into the trap of too much praise, fearing that one non-positive comment will damage their children’s self-esteem.
However, too much praise will seem insincere to the child.
It can also create a sense of entitlement
-- the child believes they can do no wrong
-- and they may come to depend on it in order to accomplish anything.Children may not develop an “internal cheerleader” that helps them feel good about themselves, if they are constantly hearing empty praise from others.
Instead, they can be led to believe that they’re only good if someone tells them they are.
As a result of too much praise, children may be afraid to take risks and try new things.
They begin to believe that their value lies in their accomplishments, rather than their efforts, and they are reluctant to set themselves up to fail with something new. , Acknowledge a completed chore, a positive sibling interaction, or other behaviors you’d like to encourage with appreciation.
Naming the valued behavior in a positive way will help reinforce the behavior for your child.For example, you could say, “Carlos, thank you for putting away your toys this afternoon without being asked.
That was very helpful.” -
Step 3: Encourage good behavior through targeted praise.
Detailed Guide
When you praise a child, acknowledge the amount of effort they put into their activity.
This encourages their hard work
-- they realize their hard work is noticed and valued by others.
Focusing praise on a result or a personality trait, however, emphasizes you value something they may not necessarily able to control.For example, if your child shows you a picture they drew, praise the effort that went into it.
You could say, “I can tell you spent a lot of time on this picture.
Look how much detail you put on the bird’s feathers!” Do not praise the child for “being such a good artist” or blanket praise the picture with a non-specific “Good job!” For example, if your child brings home a good grade on an exam, you could say, “I’m so proud of you! You studied hard for this unit, and it paid off.” This would be better than saying, “You’re always so smart in social studies!” or “That A+ will look great on our refrigerator!” Focusing on intelligence and outcome can be problematic because there will be times when a subject doesn’t naturally come easily to them.
There will also be times when they will work very hard and still fall short of their goal.
Focusing on a characteristic or end result doesn’t encourage pride in one’s own effort.
Adults often fall into the trap of too much praise, fearing that one non-positive comment will damage their children’s self-esteem.
However, too much praise will seem insincere to the child.
It can also create a sense of entitlement
-- the child believes they can do no wrong
-- and they may come to depend on it in order to accomplish anything.Children may not develop an “internal cheerleader” that helps them feel good about themselves, if they are constantly hearing empty praise from others.
Instead, they can be led to believe that they’re only good if someone tells them they are.
As a result of too much praise, children may be afraid to take risks and try new things.
They begin to believe that their value lies in their accomplishments, rather than their efforts, and they are reluctant to set themselves up to fail with something new. , Acknowledge a completed chore, a positive sibling interaction, or other behaviors you’d like to encourage with appreciation.
Naming the valued behavior in a positive way will help reinforce the behavior for your child.For example, you could say, “Carlos, thank you for putting away your toys this afternoon without being asked.
That was very helpful.”
About the Author
Frank Hill
Specializes in breaking down complex creative arts topics into simple steps.
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