How to Build Self Esteem in Teenagers
Praise your teen., Correct gently., Ask their opinion., Teach them that they won’t always get what they want., Help your teen separate what they can change and what they can’t., Avoid emphasis on physical appearance.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Praise your teen.
A good way to boost your teen’s self-esteem is to let them know when they have done something well.
You may think your child knows you are proud, but they may not.
Tell them more often that you are proud of them, that they have done a good job, or that you appreciate their efforts.Don’t overdo the praise.
If you praise too often, it may sound like you don’t mean it, which could have a negative effect on your teen’s self-esteem.
For example, you may say, “I am very proud that you brought your grade up in math” or “Your guitar playing sounds wonderful today!” or “Thank you for taking out the trash.
I really appreciate it.
That was a big help.” It is also important to acknowledge the work your teen has done, while emphasizing that their pride should come from within.
For example, you might say something like, "Wow! You have so much detail on this section of your project.
I can see you must have spent so much time getting it just the way you wanted.
You must be so proud of the work you did." -
Step 2: Correct gently.
Be mindful of the words you use to correct your child.
You want to teach your child how to accept constructive criticism, but don’t want to say hurtful or discouraging things to them.
When your child is wrong or didn’t do something completely right, tell them in a constructive, positive way to help keep their self-esteem intact.For example, you may want to say, “Those notes are still giving you trouble, but you are improving so much.
Before long you’ll have it” or “If you study hard for your next exam, I know you will be able to get the answer.” When correcting behavior, try I statements.
For example, “I would like you to wash the dishes when you get home instead of playing video games” or “I would like for you to take your shoes up to your room and not leave them by the front door.”You can also try mentioning something your teen did well and then ask them for more help with something else.
For example, you might say, "Thank you for folding the clothes.
You folded the pants so well.
I see you worked hard on the shirts.
Next time try folding the shirts this way so there are less wrinkles."
Being included in family discussions and decisions can help your teen feel worthy and important.
Ask your teen their opinion on things, including trivial and serious matters.
Feeling like they have a voice makes them feel like their opinion matters and they have a role in the family, which can improve their self-esteem.For example, you may say, “We are thinking about going on a vacation this summer.
Where do you think we should go?” or “We want to reorganize the house.
Do you have suggestions of things we can change?” , One way to help your child have more positive self-esteem is to teach them to accept the word no.
No one gets what they want all the time.
This is no reason to get angry, frustrated, or throw a fit.
It is a normal part of life.
Help them learn to take this in stride instead of getting upset.Help your children learn to ask for or suggest things instead of demanding them.
Try to be empathetic towards your child while still maintaining the limit as well.
For example, you might say, "I know it's disappointing not to get what you wanted.
I know that feeling."
Helping your teen see the difference between things they can and can’t change can help protect their self-esteem.
Encourage them to try to accept what they can’t help instead of looking at them like flaws.For example, your teen can’t change their height, so help them accept this.
Tell them to look at all the different heights of people.
Help them understand height doesn’t impact who you are or what you do.
Encourage them to do something about things they are unhappy about and can change.
This may include getting to a healthy weight, studying more or getting tutoring, or joining new clubs to make new friends. , While it’s important to teach your teen good hygiene and how to take care of themselves, you shouldn’t place importance on the physical body and their looks.
Instead, help them place worth on character, intelligence, kindness, humor, and deeds.Try to limit the compliments you give your child about their looks.
Give them as many compliments about other things as their appearance.
For example, compliment your child’s effort and accomplishments instead of looks.
You can also pay your child compliments about their positive traits, such as their honesty, caring attitude, and generosity. -
Step 3: Ask their opinion.
-
Step 4: Teach them that they won’t always get what they want.
-
Step 5: Help your teen separate what they can change and what they can’t.
-
Step 6: Avoid emphasis on physical appearance.
Detailed Guide
A good way to boost your teen’s self-esteem is to let them know when they have done something well.
You may think your child knows you are proud, but they may not.
Tell them more often that you are proud of them, that they have done a good job, or that you appreciate their efforts.Don’t overdo the praise.
If you praise too often, it may sound like you don’t mean it, which could have a negative effect on your teen’s self-esteem.
For example, you may say, “I am very proud that you brought your grade up in math” or “Your guitar playing sounds wonderful today!” or “Thank you for taking out the trash.
I really appreciate it.
That was a big help.” It is also important to acknowledge the work your teen has done, while emphasizing that their pride should come from within.
For example, you might say something like, "Wow! You have so much detail on this section of your project.
I can see you must have spent so much time getting it just the way you wanted.
You must be so proud of the work you did."
Be mindful of the words you use to correct your child.
You want to teach your child how to accept constructive criticism, but don’t want to say hurtful or discouraging things to them.
When your child is wrong or didn’t do something completely right, tell them in a constructive, positive way to help keep their self-esteem intact.For example, you may want to say, “Those notes are still giving you trouble, but you are improving so much.
Before long you’ll have it” or “If you study hard for your next exam, I know you will be able to get the answer.” When correcting behavior, try I statements.
For example, “I would like you to wash the dishes when you get home instead of playing video games” or “I would like for you to take your shoes up to your room and not leave them by the front door.”You can also try mentioning something your teen did well and then ask them for more help with something else.
For example, you might say, "Thank you for folding the clothes.
You folded the pants so well.
I see you worked hard on the shirts.
Next time try folding the shirts this way so there are less wrinkles."
Being included in family discussions and decisions can help your teen feel worthy and important.
Ask your teen their opinion on things, including trivial and serious matters.
Feeling like they have a voice makes them feel like their opinion matters and they have a role in the family, which can improve their self-esteem.For example, you may say, “We are thinking about going on a vacation this summer.
Where do you think we should go?” or “We want to reorganize the house.
Do you have suggestions of things we can change?” , One way to help your child have more positive self-esteem is to teach them to accept the word no.
No one gets what they want all the time.
This is no reason to get angry, frustrated, or throw a fit.
It is a normal part of life.
Help them learn to take this in stride instead of getting upset.Help your children learn to ask for or suggest things instead of demanding them.
Try to be empathetic towards your child while still maintaining the limit as well.
For example, you might say, "I know it's disappointing not to get what you wanted.
I know that feeling."
Helping your teen see the difference between things they can and can’t change can help protect their self-esteem.
Encourage them to try to accept what they can’t help instead of looking at them like flaws.For example, your teen can’t change their height, so help them accept this.
Tell them to look at all the different heights of people.
Help them understand height doesn’t impact who you are or what you do.
Encourage them to do something about things they are unhappy about and can change.
This may include getting to a healthy weight, studying more or getting tutoring, or joining new clubs to make new friends. , While it’s important to teach your teen good hygiene and how to take care of themselves, you shouldn’t place importance on the physical body and their looks.
Instead, help them place worth on character, intelligence, kindness, humor, and deeds.Try to limit the compliments you give your child about their looks.
Give them as many compliments about other things as their appearance.
For example, compliment your child’s effort and accomplishments instead of looks.
You can also pay your child compliments about their positive traits, such as their honesty, caring attitude, and generosity.
About the Author
Janice Miller
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: