How to Handle a Bullying Boss
Seek out a confidant., Think about whether you are the only target or if the boss acts like this with others., Document the bad behavior., Speak up when the bullying occurs., Distinguish between a tough boss and a bully.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Seek out a confidant.
It is preferable to choose a friend outside of your work life to discuss your bullying boss situation.
This person can help you clarify your thoughts and figure out if you and your boss have a personality conflict or whether true bullying is taking place.
Find a time when you and a close friend can meet in person.
Say something like, “I have a situation at work that I need your opinion on.
I think my boss may be bullying me, but I want to see what you think.” Then, give your friend several examples of what you consider to be your boss’s problem behavior.
Listen carefully and with an open mind to your friend’s opinions.
Perhaps you are a little sensitive.
If so, your friend will be able to help you figure out whether you are being bullied or whether you just have thin skin.
Your friend may also be helpful in offering suggestions on how to deal with your boss. -
Step 2: Think about whether you are the only target or if the boss acts like this with others.
If there are others who are victimized by your boss, consider discreetly talking with them about the situation.
Without mentioning your own situation, see if you can open a conversation with them.
Say something like, “It seems like our boss sometimes acts like a bully to you, such as when he calls you names at meetings.” If you trust this co-worker, mention your own concerns about your situation.
Be sure to ask your colleague to keep all conversation between the two of you private. , When your boss demonstrates bullying behavior, take note of it and keep the records in a safe place.
Each time bullying occurs, write it down with a time and date.
If there were any witnesses to the events, write down their names as well.
Note incidents of bullying directed towards others.
This can help prove a pattern of bullying.Save e-mails and memos if they have evidence of your boss’s unprofessional or unfair treatment. , You and your boss may have gotten off on the wrong foot.
By asserting yourself early in your relationship, you may be able to re-set how you interact going forward.
Some bosses think that just because you work for them, they can speak with you in any manner when you make mistakes.
The first time this happens, let them know in a kind way that you accept responsibility for the mistake but that you desire to be spoken to in a respectful manner.
You could say something like, “I know I didn’t finish my project on time, but I do not appreciate you berating me about that in front of the whole staff.
We should find a time to discuss my late project in private.” Another way to approach your boss could be, “I understand we disagree on how to handle this issue, but I don’t think resorting to name calling will help us come to a good solution.” Calmly and assertively standing up for yourself may be all you need to do to deal with your bullying boss, but in many cases you will need to take further action. , Demanding everyone produce stellar work within established timelines may be the sign of a tough boss, but it is not the sign of a bully.
By achieving clarity on what constitutes a bullying boss, you will better be able to deal with the problem.
If your boss is a demanding perfectionist, they may be difficult to work with but want what is best for the company.
This type of boss can usually be reasoned with and may not fall under the definition of a “bully.” A bully is intimidating and will be verbally abusive (yelling, cursing) to you.
They may also spread rumors about you.Other signs that your boss is a bully include intruding on your privacy, micromanaging your work to the extreme, harshly criticizing your work, and questioning your skills in front of others.A bullying boss may undermine you, by either setting outrageous deadlines or constantly changing the parameters of projects.
A bullying boss may also blame you for things beyond your control or block your attempts to be transferred or promoted. -
Step 3: Document the bad behavior.
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Step 4: Speak up when the bullying occurs.
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Step 5: Distinguish between a tough boss and a bully.
Detailed Guide
It is preferable to choose a friend outside of your work life to discuss your bullying boss situation.
This person can help you clarify your thoughts and figure out if you and your boss have a personality conflict or whether true bullying is taking place.
Find a time when you and a close friend can meet in person.
Say something like, “I have a situation at work that I need your opinion on.
I think my boss may be bullying me, but I want to see what you think.” Then, give your friend several examples of what you consider to be your boss’s problem behavior.
Listen carefully and with an open mind to your friend’s opinions.
Perhaps you are a little sensitive.
If so, your friend will be able to help you figure out whether you are being bullied or whether you just have thin skin.
Your friend may also be helpful in offering suggestions on how to deal with your boss.
If there are others who are victimized by your boss, consider discreetly talking with them about the situation.
Without mentioning your own situation, see if you can open a conversation with them.
Say something like, “It seems like our boss sometimes acts like a bully to you, such as when he calls you names at meetings.” If you trust this co-worker, mention your own concerns about your situation.
Be sure to ask your colleague to keep all conversation between the two of you private. , When your boss demonstrates bullying behavior, take note of it and keep the records in a safe place.
Each time bullying occurs, write it down with a time and date.
If there were any witnesses to the events, write down their names as well.
Note incidents of bullying directed towards others.
This can help prove a pattern of bullying.Save e-mails and memos if they have evidence of your boss’s unprofessional or unfair treatment. , You and your boss may have gotten off on the wrong foot.
By asserting yourself early in your relationship, you may be able to re-set how you interact going forward.
Some bosses think that just because you work for them, they can speak with you in any manner when you make mistakes.
The first time this happens, let them know in a kind way that you accept responsibility for the mistake but that you desire to be spoken to in a respectful manner.
You could say something like, “I know I didn’t finish my project on time, but I do not appreciate you berating me about that in front of the whole staff.
We should find a time to discuss my late project in private.” Another way to approach your boss could be, “I understand we disagree on how to handle this issue, but I don’t think resorting to name calling will help us come to a good solution.” Calmly and assertively standing up for yourself may be all you need to do to deal with your bullying boss, but in many cases you will need to take further action. , Demanding everyone produce stellar work within established timelines may be the sign of a tough boss, but it is not the sign of a bully.
By achieving clarity on what constitutes a bullying boss, you will better be able to deal with the problem.
If your boss is a demanding perfectionist, they may be difficult to work with but want what is best for the company.
This type of boss can usually be reasoned with and may not fall under the definition of a “bully.” A bully is intimidating and will be verbally abusive (yelling, cursing) to you.
They may also spread rumors about you.Other signs that your boss is a bully include intruding on your privacy, micromanaging your work to the extreme, harshly criticizing your work, and questioning your skills in front of others.A bullying boss may undermine you, by either setting outrageous deadlines or constantly changing the parameters of projects.
A bullying boss may also blame you for things beyond your control or block your attempts to be transferred or promoted.
About the Author
David Gordon
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in practical skills and beyond.
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