How to Handle a Demanding Preschooler
Keep your expectations realistic., Speak in terms your child can understand., Help your preschooler by creating plans and schedules., Talk about demands versus requests., Tell them that some things are yes and others are no., Talk to your children...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep your expectations realistic.
Preschoolers, by nature, are often "demanding".
They need a lot from the adults around them, and they have a difficult time with concepts that older individuals take for granted.
Expecting preschoolers to be easily able to delay gratification, consider your wants, or consistently ask politely may lead to frustration on everyone's part.Do not expect your child to change their behaviors immediately.
Teaching a preschooler to be patient and polite takes a lot of time and gentle persistence.
Preschoolers have a fuzzy concept of time at best.
Expecting them to wait 5 minutes may seem like a long time to them. -
Step 2: Speak in terms your child can understand.
Remember that your child is still learning to understand abstract concepts like the passage of time.You may need to adjust the way you talk about these concepts so that your child can understand what you are saying and feel less frustrated.
For example, telling a preschooler that they can have something they want “in five minutes” may not be very meaningful to them.
Instead, try saying something like, “We can go outside after we put away these dishes.” , If a young child knows what to expect, they are less likely to get frustrated or make demands.Talk to your child about what to expect ahead of time, and be prepared to repeat yourself several times.
A visual reminder may be helpful.
For example:
Before going shopping, create a simple grocery list, using drawings or pictures of the things you plan to buy.
Let your preschooler help you find the items, and check them off as you go.
When the list is completed, the trip is done! At the breakfast table, write up a picture "itinerary" for the child to see what the plan is: breakfast, beach, lunch, nap, go to a parade, have ice cream, go to pool, have dinner, go back to hotel, go to bed. , Young children have a hard time understanding the difference between something that is necessary and urgent versus a desire.
And they need practice to properly ask for needs to be met.
Show them the difference between a demand and a request, and why a request is better.
Say a few examples and then ask your preschooler for some examples of demands and requests.For example, say, “Let’s say you are hungry.
Should you say, 'Mom! I need grapes, go get me grapes!' or, 'Mom, would you please help me with the grapes? I’m hungry.'?” If your child makes a demand, say, “Can you try that again?” or, “Can you make that a request and not a demand please?” , Talk with your child and let them know that sometimes the answer will be yes and other times the answer will be no.
A “No” is okay, even if the child is upset.
Explain that, even if the answer is no, you still love them and want what is best for them.You can say, “I know there are lots of things you want to do, but some will be yes’s and others will be no’s.
Even when I tell you 'No,' I still love you.” , It’s never too early to start teaching manners to children.
Explain the power of using the words “please” and “thank you.” Use opportunities for your child to practice their manners and use gentle reminders in the moment.Show how you can add “please” to a request such as, “May I have my teddy bear, please?” Tell your child that this is a much nicer way than saying, “Give me my teddy!” Model polite manners by using “please” and “thank you” in your own speech.
You can also point out when other children are being polite and praise them. , Help your child understand your expectations for them by having house rules.For example, you may choose to say that you no longer respond to demands, only to requests.
If your child makes a demand, redirect them or use a consequence.
Having clear expectations can help your preschooler succeed and make meaningful changes to their behavior.
If your child starts a demand, say, “When you make demands, you know you will have a consequence.
Do you want to try again or do you want a consequence?” Say, “When you break a rule, you get a consequence.
Talking to me that way means you’re getting a timeout.” -
Step 3: Help your preschooler by creating plans and schedules.
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Step 4: Talk about demands versus requests.
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Step 5: Tell them that some things are yes and others are no.
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Step 6: Talk to your children about using good manners.
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Step 7: Create behavior rules.
Detailed Guide
Preschoolers, by nature, are often "demanding".
They need a lot from the adults around them, and they have a difficult time with concepts that older individuals take for granted.
Expecting preschoolers to be easily able to delay gratification, consider your wants, or consistently ask politely may lead to frustration on everyone's part.Do not expect your child to change their behaviors immediately.
Teaching a preschooler to be patient and polite takes a lot of time and gentle persistence.
Preschoolers have a fuzzy concept of time at best.
Expecting them to wait 5 minutes may seem like a long time to them.
Remember that your child is still learning to understand abstract concepts like the passage of time.You may need to adjust the way you talk about these concepts so that your child can understand what you are saying and feel less frustrated.
For example, telling a preschooler that they can have something they want “in five minutes” may not be very meaningful to them.
Instead, try saying something like, “We can go outside after we put away these dishes.” , If a young child knows what to expect, they are less likely to get frustrated or make demands.Talk to your child about what to expect ahead of time, and be prepared to repeat yourself several times.
A visual reminder may be helpful.
For example:
Before going shopping, create a simple grocery list, using drawings or pictures of the things you plan to buy.
Let your preschooler help you find the items, and check them off as you go.
When the list is completed, the trip is done! At the breakfast table, write up a picture "itinerary" for the child to see what the plan is: breakfast, beach, lunch, nap, go to a parade, have ice cream, go to pool, have dinner, go back to hotel, go to bed. , Young children have a hard time understanding the difference between something that is necessary and urgent versus a desire.
And they need practice to properly ask for needs to be met.
Show them the difference between a demand and a request, and why a request is better.
Say a few examples and then ask your preschooler for some examples of demands and requests.For example, say, “Let’s say you are hungry.
Should you say, 'Mom! I need grapes, go get me grapes!' or, 'Mom, would you please help me with the grapes? I’m hungry.'?” If your child makes a demand, say, “Can you try that again?” or, “Can you make that a request and not a demand please?” , Talk with your child and let them know that sometimes the answer will be yes and other times the answer will be no.
A “No” is okay, even if the child is upset.
Explain that, even if the answer is no, you still love them and want what is best for them.You can say, “I know there are lots of things you want to do, but some will be yes’s and others will be no’s.
Even when I tell you 'No,' I still love you.” , It’s never too early to start teaching manners to children.
Explain the power of using the words “please” and “thank you.” Use opportunities for your child to practice their manners and use gentle reminders in the moment.Show how you can add “please” to a request such as, “May I have my teddy bear, please?” Tell your child that this is a much nicer way than saying, “Give me my teddy!” Model polite manners by using “please” and “thank you” in your own speech.
You can also point out when other children are being polite and praise them. , Help your child understand your expectations for them by having house rules.For example, you may choose to say that you no longer respond to demands, only to requests.
If your child makes a demand, redirect them or use a consequence.
Having clear expectations can help your preschooler succeed and make meaningful changes to their behavior.
If your child starts a demand, say, “When you make demands, you know you will have a consequence.
Do you want to try again or do you want a consequence?” Say, “When you break a rule, you get a consequence.
Talking to me that way means you’re getting a timeout.”
About the Author
Jacqueline Barnes
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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