How to Handle a Preteen's Tantrums
Stay calm., Acknowledge your preteen's feelings., Be aware of your preteen's hormonal and biological changes., Avoid taking their words or actions too personally.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Stay calm.
While it's very hard to be nice and calm when someone is throwing a fit, yelling or screaming, it's important to not overreact.
Avoid yelling back at your child.
They are upset and will likely be more upset if you make them feel unprotected or unloved.
Try to soothe their frustrations by first focusing on how to soothe yourself in this moment.Take a deep breath.
If they're having a tantrum at home and not in public, take a minute to do a breathing exercise.
Slowing inhale for five seconds, and then slowly exhale for five seconds.
Repeat as many times as needed to help calm you down.
Recognize if your emotions are increasing.
Think for a moment that you are in control of your emotions.
You can stay calm in this moment. -
Step 2: Acknowledge your preteen's feelings.
Communicate to your child that you understand their feelings.
This doesn't mean you're saying it's okay to have tantrums by yelling, screaming, and slamming doors.
It means that you acknowledge these very human emotions of being upset, frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed.Consider saying, "I know you're upset right now.
I'm sorry that you feel this way.
We can get through this together." Acknowledging their emotions doesn't necessarily mean caving into what they want.
Be clear that you are there for them but you may disagree with what they're doing.
Consider saying, "I want to be supportive because I know you're feeling upset.
I understand what you're going through.
But right now, I don't agree with how you're behaving."
As your child begins to go through puberty, there are changes in their hormones and brain development.
While this is not an excuse for their behavior, it is a way to understand how treating them like adults, or vice versa like seven year olds, may not work too well.Their impulse control may be more limited than in adults.
They may have more limited ability to express their feelings in clear and concrete ways.
Their hormones may be sending signals that are confusing or different for them, and they don't know yet how to respond.
Their ability to understand others' body language may be more impaired than adults. , Preteens are beginning to exert their desire for independence from you.
They may be less inclined to tell you about what's bothering them or how their day at school went.
They may shy away from being open, and it may have nothing to do with you.
They may yell, scream, or fight, but don't let it make you too upset or angry.When a preteen is upset and yelling, focus on how you can treat them with respect.
They are more likely to be respectful when you are demonstrating respect.
Focus on teaching them appropriate ways to communicate in a calm manner.
If you are not able to calm yourself when talking with them, step away and come back to the topic when you can.
If your child is not able to focus on what you are saying, wait until the tantrum has passed to address how they can use more respectful words and avoid name-calling or vulgar language. -
Step 3: Be aware of your preteen's hormonal and biological changes.
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Step 4: Avoid taking their words or actions too personally.
Detailed Guide
While it's very hard to be nice and calm when someone is throwing a fit, yelling or screaming, it's important to not overreact.
Avoid yelling back at your child.
They are upset and will likely be more upset if you make them feel unprotected or unloved.
Try to soothe their frustrations by first focusing on how to soothe yourself in this moment.Take a deep breath.
If they're having a tantrum at home and not in public, take a minute to do a breathing exercise.
Slowing inhale for five seconds, and then slowly exhale for five seconds.
Repeat as many times as needed to help calm you down.
Recognize if your emotions are increasing.
Think for a moment that you are in control of your emotions.
You can stay calm in this moment.
Communicate to your child that you understand their feelings.
This doesn't mean you're saying it's okay to have tantrums by yelling, screaming, and slamming doors.
It means that you acknowledge these very human emotions of being upset, frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed.Consider saying, "I know you're upset right now.
I'm sorry that you feel this way.
We can get through this together." Acknowledging their emotions doesn't necessarily mean caving into what they want.
Be clear that you are there for them but you may disagree with what they're doing.
Consider saying, "I want to be supportive because I know you're feeling upset.
I understand what you're going through.
But right now, I don't agree with how you're behaving."
As your child begins to go through puberty, there are changes in their hormones and brain development.
While this is not an excuse for their behavior, it is a way to understand how treating them like adults, or vice versa like seven year olds, may not work too well.Their impulse control may be more limited than in adults.
They may have more limited ability to express their feelings in clear and concrete ways.
Their hormones may be sending signals that are confusing or different for them, and they don't know yet how to respond.
Their ability to understand others' body language may be more impaired than adults. , Preteens are beginning to exert their desire for independence from you.
They may be less inclined to tell you about what's bothering them or how their day at school went.
They may shy away from being open, and it may have nothing to do with you.
They may yell, scream, or fight, but don't let it make you too upset or angry.When a preteen is upset and yelling, focus on how you can treat them with respect.
They are more likely to be respectful when you are demonstrating respect.
Focus on teaching them appropriate ways to communicate in a calm manner.
If you are not able to calm yourself when talking with them, step away and come back to the topic when you can.
If your child is not able to focus on what you are saying, wait until the tantrum has passed to address how they can use more respectful words and avoid name-calling or vulgar language.
About the Author
Brittany Mendoza
Experienced content creator specializing in home improvement guides and tutorials.
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