How to Handle Adult Children Staying with a Parent
Keep communication open., Welcome the couple and grandchildren with open arms., Establish basic ground rules to ensure privacy and fair sharing of space., Do not be afraid to talk to the couple about their financial status., Give each person who has...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Keep communication open.
Both you and the couple need to openly talk about what you each expect of one another and what your boundaries are.
For example, topics to discuss include grandchildren, eating habits, usage of household items, contributions toward the costs of power, etc.
It is also very important to discuss the length of time needed to stay with the parent.
This enables both parties to plan ahead. -
Step 2: Welcome the couple and grandchildren with open arms.
Give advice but do not force your preferences and opinions onto the adult children.
They need your help as a parent, not as a teacher or boss.
Offer to help them with the move in whatever way you can, such as physically, financially or by watching the children. , As a parent who has lived without children for quite some time, it is likely that you will feel your privacy being invaded.
If the children are under the same roof, you'll find your peace and quiet shattered.
This may end up curtailing your usual activities, such as inviting friends over, enjoying your usual cooking habits, and even control over the television channels.
Talk to the couple and ask them to be considerate of your lifestyle.
Explain how important your privacy, space and routine are to you and say that while you're willing to make some compromises, you draw the line at the things that are really important to you and expect them to work around your needs with respect to those things.
Original boundaries might be broken, so apply patience.
Ask them politely to be considerate of your habits.
For example, if you like to sleep late in the morning, ask them to keep the children occupied and doors closed to block out sound. , They may not want to discuss this with anyone, especially you, the parent, but remember, they made it your business when they asked to move in.
Be polite and offer advice.
They might need help drawing up and keeping to a budget.
Give them advice on where to make 'cuts' and how to save. , This will make the household run much smoother and lessen the burden on you.
Tell your children and grandchildren that it's a matter of "mi casa es su casa" (Spanish for "my house is your house") and that each person has a role to contribute in its upkeep. This will also help them to feel less of a burden to you.
Even the very young can be given specific chores to help out.
Chores can help children feel needed, and for teens, it can be a good way for them to feel useful (even if they grumble). , This includes requests for privacy and space, feeling down on occasion and wanting to express emotions to get feedback from you. , When the noise and fuss gets too much, take a drive, visit a friend, sleep over if possible at a friend's house for a weekend.
It might feel like a 'holiday'.
It can also be helpful to have the children sleep over at a friend's house or another relative now and then, for a break. -
Step 3: Establish basic ground rules to ensure privacy and fair sharing of space.
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Step 4: Do not be afraid to talk to the couple about their financial status.
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Step 5: Give each person who has moved in a household chore to do.
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Step 6: Respect one another's' feelings.
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Step 7: Find ways to escape from the house now and then.
Detailed Guide
Both you and the couple need to openly talk about what you each expect of one another and what your boundaries are.
For example, topics to discuss include grandchildren, eating habits, usage of household items, contributions toward the costs of power, etc.
It is also very important to discuss the length of time needed to stay with the parent.
This enables both parties to plan ahead.
Give advice but do not force your preferences and opinions onto the adult children.
They need your help as a parent, not as a teacher or boss.
Offer to help them with the move in whatever way you can, such as physically, financially or by watching the children. , As a parent who has lived without children for quite some time, it is likely that you will feel your privacy being invaded.
If the children are under the same roof, you'll find your peace and quiet shattered.
This may end up curtailing your usual activities, such as inviting friends over, enjoying your usual cooking habits, and even control over the television channels.
Talk to the couple and ask them to be considerate of your lifestyle.
Explain how important your privacy, space and routine are to you and say that while you're willing to make some compromises, you draw the line at the things that are really important to you and expect them to work around your needs with respect to those things.
Original boundaries might be broken, so apply patience.
Ask them politely to be considerate of your habits.
For example, if you like to sleep late in the morning, ask them to keep the children occupied and doors closed to block out sound. , They may not want to discuss this with anyone, especially you, the parent, but remember, they made it your business when they asked to move in.
Be polite and offer advice.
They might need help drawing up and keeping to a budget.
Give them advice on where to make 'cuts' and how to save. , This will make the household run much smoother and lessen the burden on you.
Tell your children and grandchildren that it's a matter of "mi casa es su casa" (Spanish for "my house is your house") and that each person has a role to contribute in its upkeep. This will also help them to feel less of a burden to you.
Even the very young can be given specific chores to help out.
Chores can help children feel needed, and for teens, it can be a good way for them to feel useful (even if they grumble). , This includes requests for privacy and space, feeling down on occasion and wanting to express emotions to get feedback from you. , When the noise and fuss gets too much, take a drive, visit a friend, sleep over if possible at a friend's house for a weekend.
It might feel like a 'holiday'.
It can also be helpful to have the children sleep over at a friend's house or another relative now and then, for a break.
About the Author
Jean Cox
Jean Cox specializes in educational content and has been creating helpful content for over 4 years. Jean is committed to helping readers learn new skills and improve their lives.
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