How to Handle Broken Agreements

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Consider why you broke the agreement.

   What were the consequences for the other person? How might they feel right now? What could you do to help them feel better?
2. 2

   Step 2: Apologize wholeheartedly.

   Even if you believe that you made the best decision that you could, it is important to apologize for breaking their trust, and causing any negative consequences.
   
   Even if you weren't technically at fault, apologizing makes it clear that you care about their feelings.
   
   For example: "I'm really sorry our beach trip got cancelled, and that we have to stay indoors today.
   
   I know it's really disappointing to have things cancelled like this at the last minute." "I'm sorry that I broke your trust when I told Mom and Dad about your eating disorder.
   
   I was scared that you could get hurt, and I would hate to see you get even sicker.
   
   I realize that you're upset with me, and I hope I can earn your trust back again someday."
   
   You may feel sad or worried about the consequences, but you still need to own up.
   
   Usually, owning your mistakes will make it easier for others to forgive you and move on. "I'm sorry I cancelled on our lunch date so abruptly.
   
   My brother had a panic attack, and I stayed with him while he calmed down.
   
   I realize that it wasn't fair for you to be waiting for me so long, and that I should have made sure that my phone was charged so you could contact me." "I'm so sorry I didn't make it.
   
   I stayed up late and overslept.
   
   I realize that there's no excuse for that, and I'm really sorry.
   
   Please let me know how I can make it up to you."
   
   Excuses, justifications, and defenses will only cheapen your apology and make the person feel worse.
   
   Ask yourself if you limited it to only the most relevant information, and if you avoided trying to shift blame onto somebody or someone else.
   
   Here are some bad ways to apologize:
   X "I'm sorry that you got in trouble BUT IT WAS TOTALLY MY SISTER'S FAULT!" X "I'm sorry that you got your feelings hurt" (but I'm not sorry that I called you a cow in front of your parents) X "I'm sorta kinda sorry that I maybe might have done something that was slightly a teeny tiny bit rude." X "Jeez, get over it! You're so sensitive.
   
   Autistic people don't even have feelings, right? Why do you keep trying to control my free speech?" If you truly couldn't control the circumstances (e.g. a heavy rainstorm caused you to cancel on an outdoor event), then you can still explain that you feel bad about it happening, and skip straight to the next step. , Apologies help, but they aren't everything, especially if it was a serious betrayal.
   
   Talk with the other person about what you can do to make it up to them.
   
   Make an agreement, and keep your word.
3. 3

   Step 3: Explain your reasoning

4. 4

   Step 4: not as a defense of yourself

5. 5

   Step 5: but to show that you care enough to keep them in the loop.

6. 6

   Step 6: Take responsibility for the broken agreement.

7. 7

   Step 7: Make up for it.

Detailed Guide

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