How to Handle Difficult People
Stay cool and collected., Try to understand where they're coming from., Don't take it so personally., Change the conversation., Figure out if you have a role in the problem., Use humor to deflect negativity.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Stay cool and collected.
When someone is being critical, whiny or just plain ornery, it can be hard not to snap or lose your temper entirely.
You might feel that the person deserves to be taken down a notch or two.
But negativity begets more negativity, and if you stoop to the difficult person's level, you'll just be giving them more fuel and making the situation worse.
If you can keep your cool and resist the urge to snap right back or get defensive, the tension is likely to go away more quickly.Try practicing the adage "think before you speak." Take just an extra 10 seconds to decide what you're going to say instead of reactively blurting something out.
This will help to keep you from saying something you might regret.
Try not to let your emotions get the best of you.
You might feel angry or hurt by the difficult person's words, but yelling or stomping away likely won't help the situation. -
Step 2: Try to understand where they're coming from.
Hard as it might be, try to see things from the other person's perspective.
When someone has a difficult personality, it's often rooted in bad experiences that caused them to have a warped point of view.
Put yourself in the person's shoes and think about what it would like to be them.
Having empathy might help you better understand why the person acts the way they do and react with understanding instead of defensiveness.
Sometimes putting on a smile and treating the person with kindness is the best way to deal with bad behavior.
For example, maybe you have a friend who's incessantly critical of others.
People like this are usually deeply self critical, too.
Knowing this might help you realize that the best way to deflect your friend's difficult behavior is to give her a cheerful compliment, or help her see the best in herself and others.
Research shows that people who bully others are often victims of bullying.A person who is cruel and demeaning has probably been on the receiving end of that at some point in life.
If you can see through the meanness and realize the person is in pain, that might help you find positive ways to deal with the situation.
While feeling empathy and expressing kindness are good ways to improve most relationships, in some situations a person's troubles run too deep to be much affected by your positivity.
It's definitely worth a try, but don't expect the person to undergo a big change and suddenly become a nice person. , In most cases the other person's behavior isn't really about you, it's about them.
It won't always be possible, but try to brush it off when you can.
If the person's just in a bad mood and is addressing everyone in the same impatient tone, there's no reason for you to be personally offended.
Instead of getting defensive or hurt, try to just brush off the negative comments.
Of course, sometimes the comments really are deeply personal, and you can't help but feel hurt.
In these cases you might need to address the situation in a more direct way instead of just ignoring it.
If you're being singled out, you're dealing with bullying behavior, and that's different from the behavior of someone who treats everyone rudely, but equally. , If you're dealing with someone who tends to dominate discussions with negativity, by doing things like complaining, criticizing or bringing up loaded topics, try taking the lead instead of following along.
You can do this by changing the subject to a topic you're more comfortable discussing, or cutting the person off when the conversation veers into an unhappy direction.
If you're dealing with someone who's extremely persistent, you might have to be more direct.
Say something like, "This topic makes me uncomfortable, and I'd rather not discuss it," or simply "Let's talk about something else." Hopefully the person will respect your wishes and stop pushing the issue., Is it possible that the difficult person has a grudge against you? Are you getting the cold shoulder or being picked on because the person is hurt or angry about something you said or did? While there's no good excuse for treating someone terribly, it's possible that the difficult person's behavior is rooted in a specific event.
If that's the case, you might be able to make things right by apologizing. , Sometimes grumpy people don't even realize how much their dark moods affect others.
Cracking a joke is a great way to lighten things up and bring a smile to the person's face in spite of themselves.
Just make sure the person doesn't perceive your joke as making fun. -
Step 3: Don't take it so personally.
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Step 4: Change the conversation.
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Step 5: Figure out if you have a role in the problem.
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Step 6: Use humor to deflect negativity.
Detailed Guide
When someone is being critical, whiny or just plain ornery, it can be hard not to snap or lose your temper entirely.
You might feel that the person deserves to be taken down a notch or two.
But negativity begets more negativity, and if you stoop to the difficult person's level, you'll just be giving them more fuel and making the situation worse.
If you can keep your cool and resist the urge to snap right back or get defensive, the tension is likely to go away more quickly.Try practicing the adage "think before you speak." Take just an extra 10 seconds to decide what you're going to say instead of reactively blurting something out.
This will help to keep you from saying something you might regret.
Try not to let your emotions get the best of you.
You might feel angry or hurt by the difficult person's words, but yelling or stomping away likely won't help the situation.
Hard as it might be, try to see things from the other person's perspective.
When someone has a difficult personality, it's often rooted in bad experiences that caused them to have a warped point of view.
Put yourself in the person's shoes and think about what it would like to be them.
Having empathy might help you better understand why the person acts the way they do and react with understanding instead of defensiveness.
Sometimes putting on a smile and treating the person with kindness is the best way to deal with bad behavior.
For example, maybe you have a friend who's incessantly critical of others.
People like this are usually deeply self critical, too.
Knowing this might help you realize that the best way to deflect your friend's difficult behavior is to give her a cheerful compliment, or help her see the best in herself and others.
Research shows that people who bully others are often victims of bullying.A person who is cruel and demeaning has probably been on the receiving end of that at some point in life.
If you can see through the meanness and realize the person is in pain, that might help you find positive ways to deal with the situation.
While feeling empathy and expressing kindness are good ways to improve most relationships, in some situations a person's troubles run too deep to be much affected by your positivity.
It's definitely worth a try, but don't expect the person to undergo a big change and suddenly become a nice person. , In most cases the other person's behavior isn't really about you, it's about them.
It won't always be possible, but try to brush it off when you can.
If the person's just in a bad mood and is addressing everyone in the same impatient tone, there's no reason for you to be personally offended.
Instead of getting defensive or hurt, try to just brush off the negative comments.
Of course, sometimes the comments really are deeply personal, and you can't help but feel hurt.
In these cases you might need to address the situation in a more direct way instead of just ignoring it.
If you're being singled out, you're dealing with bullying behavior, and that's different from the behavior of someone who treats everyone rudely, but equally. , If you're dealing with someone who tends to dominate discussions with negativity, by doing things like complaining, criticizing or bringing up loaded topics, try taking the lead instead of following along.
You can do this by changing the subject to a topic you're more comfortable discussing, or cutting the person off when the conversation veers into an unhappy direction.
If you're dealing with someone who's extremely persistent, you might have to be more direct.
Say something like, "This topic makes me uncomfortable, and I'd rather not discuss it," or simply "Let's talk about something else." Hopefully the person will respect your wishes and stop pushing the issue., Is it possible that the difficult person has a grudge against you? Are you getting the cold shoulder or being picked on because the person is hurt or angry about something you said or did? While there's no good excuse for treating someone terribly, it's possible that the difficult person's behavior is rooted in a specific event.
If that's the case, you might be able to make things right by apologizing. , Sometimes grumpy people don't even realize how much their dark moods affect others.
Cracking a joke is a great way to lighten things up and bring a smile to the person's face in spite of themselves.
Just make sure the person doesn't perceive your joke as making fun.
About the Author
Daniel Hayes
Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.
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