How to Handle Disagreements with Your Spouse About Discipline Style

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Stay respectful.

   Decide that no matter what your spouse says, you are going to remain respectful.
   
   Ask them to do the same, as well.
   
   Your disagreement likely already has you seeing red.
   
   You don’t want to add fuel to the fire with insults and name-calling.
   
   For instance, before your conversation, say, “I know we have a difference of opinion here.
   
   However, I think it’s important for the both of us to stay respectful of each other and our beliefs.” Gently remind your spouse to remain kind if you feel the conversation is heading down a destructive path.If you cannot do this, then you are not yet ready to have the conversation.
   
   Ask for some time to cool off and collect your thoughts, and then discuss things when you're in control of your emotions.
2. 2

   Step 2: Use “I” statements.

   Avoid pointing blame at your spouse when attempting to come to an agreement.
   
   Starting sentences with “you” makes it seem like you are saying that it is all their fault or they are the person who is causing problems.
   
   Using “I” can help you get your point across while still having a respectful conversation.
   
   For example, you could say, “I felt hurt when you chose that type of discipline when it’s something I don’t agree with.”, When talking to your spouse, don't make assumptions or accusations about what the other person was thinking or trying to accomplish.
   
   Let them explain themselves so that you can see things from their perspective.
   
   For example, avoid saying something like, “You disciplined our child that way even though you knew it would upset me.” , A counselor may provide assistance if you and your spouse can’t come to an agreement together.
   
   Speaking to a therapist is also extremely helpful if you find that your upbringing is getting in the way of being the type of parent you wish to be.
   
   If you experience hesitation from your spouse about going to a counselor, you could say, “I think going to a counselor is a good idea.
   
   We can’t come to an agreement ourselves, and a professional may be able to give us the insight and suggestions we need in order to understand each other.” You could also suggest that you try it at least once and discontinue going if your spouse doesn’t believe it will help.Suggest that your spouse find and pick the counselor themselves if they have reservations about it.
   
   Avoid going to see a counselor you already use individually, as your spouse may feel they are biased toward you.
3. 3

   Step 3: Stick to the facts.

4. 4

   Step 4: Consult with a counselor.

Detailed Guide

About the Author