How to Handle Emotionally Needy Parents
Ask yourself if you always feel like the parent., Think about their health., Consider logistics., Reflect on your responsibilities., Decide whether you've made substantial effort.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask yourself if you always feel like the parent.
Do you often feel like you are the only grown up when dealing with your parents? Are they fixated only on their needs, asking you to help fulfill them instead of taking care of themselves?? Has it been this way for a very long time If this is the case, then your parents may be emotionally immature and you will need to set strong boundaries, work on your own reactions, and stop expecting them to change.If you feel like your parent has become more needy due to declining heath and being unable to functionally take care of themselves, then you will need a different approach.
This will require greater sensitivity, and you will likely need the support of siblings and any other family members, as well as outside help. -
Step 2: Think about their health.
If your parents' neediness is something new, you need to take their overall health into consideration.
New behaviors indicate that something has changed in their lives.
Ultimately, your parents may want or need extra emotional support because of their deteriorating health.When thinking about this, consider:
Do they have a medical problem? A recent diagnosis of a potentially life-threatening disease may cause a parent to seem more emotionally needy.
In the end, they may just want to spend more time with you, or they may need extra support.
Have they been diagnosed with a cognitive or psychological problem? Parents with Alzheimer’s or other cognitive problems may need extra help and may come off as needy.
Do they have mobility limitations? For instance, are they wheelchair-bound or have a related problem? If a parent is unable to move themselves around, they may feel frustrated and want more emotional support., When putting together your plan of how to deal with your emotionally needy parents, you need to consider basic logistical facts.
Ultimately, logistics will determine a large part of how you’ll deal with your parents.
Consider:
How close you live.
If you live far away, you may have to attend to your parents over the phone and via email.
Let them know that you simply can’t visit them as often as they’d like.
Let them know this by saying “Mom, we live so far apart and my responsibilities make it so I can’t visit as much as you want.” If they can travel independently.
If they can’t travel independently (and you live far away), you’ll have to be up front about the limited amount of visiting you’ll be able to do.
Say something like, “Dad, I want to visit more often, but I can’t get away as often as you would like.”If you have siblings or other family members who can help out.
Work out a schedule with your siblings to ensure that your parents needs are being met without any one sibling doing all the work and getting burned out. , After logistics, your personal responsibilities will help determine the level of attention you can devote to your parents.
Ultimately, you simply may not be able to provide the attention they demand.
Do you have dependent children? If so, you may be limited in the amount of time and care you can offer your parents.
Let your parents know that your parental responsibilities limit the amount of time you can share with them.
Are you financially restricted? If you don’t the financial resources, you may not be able to visit your parents as much as you like – tell them.
Do you have substantial work obligations? If you work a lot, hold several different jobs, or travel frequently for work, you may not be able to dedicate as much time as they want.
Your parents should know this fact., Once you've assessed the situation, spend a little time thinking about whether you've acted as a caring and responsible child.
This will help you determine if you're partly to blame or if your parents are indeed needy.
Before deciding, ask yourself:
Do you visit or contact your parents as much as your siblings or your peers? If you don't, you might be neglecting your parents.
Do you respond to your parents in a caring and loving way? For instance, if you seem annoyed or rushed when you talk with them on the phone, they may feel neglected.
Is the contact you have with your parents mutual? For instance, if your parents are always calling you, and you don't call them independently, they may feel taken for granted. -
Step 3: Consider logistics.
-
Step 4: Reflect on your responsibilities.
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Step 5: Decide whether you've made substantial effort.
Detailed Guide
Do you often feel like you are the only grown up when dealing with your parents? Are they fixated only on their needs, asking you to help fulfill them instead of taking care of themselves?? Has it been this way for a very long time If this is the case, then your parents may be emotionally immature and you will need to set strong boundaries, work on your own reactions, and stop expecting them to change.If you feel like your parent has become more needy due to declining heath and being unable to functionally take care of themselves, then you will need a different approach.
This will require greater sensitivity, and you will likely need the support of siblings and any other family members, as well as outside help.
If your parents' neediness is something new, you need to take their overall health into consideration.
New behaviors indicate that something has changed in their lives.
Ultimately, your parents may want or need extra emotional support because of their deteriorating health.When thinking about this, consider:
Do they have a medical problem? A recent diagnosis of a potentially life-threatening disease may cause a parent to seem more emotionally needy.
In the end, they may just want to spend more time with you, or they may need extra support.
Have they been diagnosed with a cognitive or psychological problem? Parents with Alzheimer’s or other cognitive problems may need extra help and may come off as needy.
Do they have mobility limitations? For instance, are they wheelchair-bound or have a related problem? If a parent is unable to move themselves around, they may feel frustrated and want more emotional support., When putting together your plan of how to deal with your emotionally needy parents, you need to consider basic logistical facts.
Ultimately, logistics will determine a large part of how you’ll deal with your parents.
Consider:
How close you live.
If you live far away, you may have to attend to your parents over the phone and via email.
Let them know that you simply can’t visit them as often as they’d like.
Let them know this by saying “Mom, we live so far apart and my responsibilities make it so I can’t visit as much as you want.” If they can travel independently.
If they can’t travel independently (and you live far away), you’ll have to be up front about the limited amount of visiting you’ll be able to do.
Say something like, “Dad, I want to visit more often, but I can’t get away as often as you would like.”If you have siblings or other family members who can help out.
Work out a schedule with your siblings to ensure that your parents needs are being met without any one sibling doing all the work and getting burned out. , After logistics, your personal responsibilities will help determine the level of attention you can devote to your parents.
Ultimately, you simply may not be able to provide the attention they demand.
Do you have dependent children? If so, you may be limited in the amount of time and care you can offer your parents.
Let your parents know that your parental responsibilities limit the amount of time you can share with them.
Are you financially restricted? If you don’t the financial resources, you may not be able to visit your parents as much as you like – tell them.
Do you have substantial work obligations? If you work a lot, hold several different jobs, or travel frequently for work, you may not be able to dedicate as much time as they want.
Your parents should know this fact., Once you've assessed the situation, spend a little time thinking about whether you've acted as a caring and responsible child.
This will help you determine if you're partly to blame or if your parents are indeed needy.
Before deciding, ask yourself:
Do you visit or contact your parents as much as your siblings or your peers? If you don't, you might be neglecting your parents.
Do you respond to your parents in a caring and loving way? For instance, if you seem annoyed or rushed when you talk with them on the phone, they may feel neglected.
Is the contact you have with your parents mutual? For instance, if your parents are always calling you, and you don't call them independently, they may feel taken for granted.
About the Author
Gloria Cooper
Brings years of experience writing about creative arts and related subjects.
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