How to Handle People Rushing You Through Mourning
Have patience when offered empty platitudes., Explain that everyone grieves differently., Share what you’re feeling., Tell them what you need from them., Make a list to let people know how they can help you.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Have patience when offered empty platitudes.
Everyone alive will experience a devastating loss at some point in their lifetime.
Yet, despite its ubiquitous nature, most people have no idea how to comfort someone who is grieving.
If you feel you are being rushed through your mourning process, loved ones or casual acquaintances have probably made the mistake of offering you predictable, clichéd statements in hopes of easing your pain.
People may say things like “You need to get on with your life” or “He/she would want you to be strong” that send the message that your grief is time-sensitive.It will probably be challenging, but resist the urge to snap back or get annoyed with people who express their condolences this way.
Know that at the heart of it, they feel awkward and helpless in the face of your pain.
They just want to help. -
Step 2: Explain that everyone grieves differently.
It can be confusing to onlookers who see one person bounce back easily from a loss while another struggles to handle everyday obligations.
If your emotional suffering is protracted, it may help to shed light on the very unique and individual nature of grief to those around you.
You might say, “Grief is very different for everyone who experiences it.
Sometimes, depending on how close you were to the person, the severity of your mourning is even greater.
For some people, it may not be.
Please respect that I am grieving in my own way—the best way I know how.” It may even be practical to provide some resources about grieving to those closest to you.
Reading up on the highly personal process of mourning can prompt those who rush you to ease up and let your grief happen naturally.Grief often happens in stages, but grieving can be a very different experience from one person to another.
It may last a lifetime for some people, while other people only grieve for a short time.
There is no one-size-fits-all grieving process. , Being surrounded by people who expect you to shoulder the loss and pretend like you’re okay can feel suffocating.
Suppressing grief can prolong the process even further.
You may find that talking about your pain helps you.
Use a journal to write out your feelings about the person or thing you lost.
Start a blog to share your story with others—whether locally or globally.Reach out to a reasonably sympathetic friend and share your thoughts and emotions.
Say something like “I feel like everyone is pressuring me to get over my divorce.
They say, “I’m better off,” but that doesn’t help me get rid of this giant hole in my life.
I feel empty and rudderless.” , Another helpful way to deal with people who try to rush you through the grieving process is to give them an assignment.
Keep in mind that they may offer empty platitudes because they only want to help, but don’t know how.
Give them some direction in regards to what you need.
Try saying, “I know you’re only trying to help, but I feel like you are rushing me to grieve.
Can you help me in some other way? I need some time alone, but not too much.
Can you come and sit with me a few hours each week? We can watch TV or movies, or simply read in each other’s company.
I just would like to know someone else is there.
Is that okay?”, In some cases, people may just not know how to help you.
You may want to make a list of things you would like them to say and do to help you feel better.
On this list, you might include: "I am here to help you in any way I can." "You are in my thoughts and prayers." "I am always just a phone call or email away." "I am here for you." Or you can even write things like “give me a hug,” “help me with errands or some daily tasks,” or “just sit and be present with me in person.” -
Step 3: Share what you’re feeling.
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Step 4: Tell them what you need from them.
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Step 5: Make a list to let people know how they can help you.
Detailed Guide
Everyone alive will experience a devastating loss at some point in their lifetime.
Yet, despite its ubiquitous nature, most people have no idea how to comfort someone who is grieving.
If you feel you are being rushed through your mourning process, loved ones or casual acquaintances have probably made the mistake of offering you predictable, clichéd statements in hopes of easing your pain.
People may say things like “You need to get on with your life” or “He/she would want you to be strong” that send the message that your grief is time-sensitive.It will probably be challenging, but resist the urge to snap back or get annoyed with people who express their condolences this way.
Know that at the heart of it, they feel awkward and helpless in the face of your pain.
They just want to help.
It can be confusing to onlookers who see one person bounce back easily from a loss while another struggles to handle everyday obligations.
If your emotional suffering is protracted, it may help to shed light on the very unique and individual nature of grief to those around you.
You might say, “Grief is very different for everyone who experiences it.
Sometimes, depending on how close you were to the person, the severity of your mourning is even greater.
For some people, it may not be.
Please respect that I am grieving in my own way—the best way I know how.” It may even be practical to provide some resources about grieving to those closest to you.
Reading up on the highly personal process of mourning can prompt those who rush you to ease up and let your grief happen naturally.Grief often happens in stages, but grieving can be a very different experience from one person to another.
It may last a lifetime for some people, while other people only grieve for a short time.
There is no one-size-fits-all grieving process. , Being surrounded by people who expect you to shoulder the loss and pretend like you’re okay can feel suffocating.
Suppressing grief can prolong the process even further.
You may find that talking about your pain helps you.
Use a journal to write out your feelings about the person or thing you lost.
Start a blog to share your story with others—whether locally or globally.Reach out to a reasonably sympathetic friend and share your thoughts and emotions.
Say something like “I feel like everyone is pressuring me to get over my divorce.
They say, “I’m better off,” but that doesn’t help me get rid of this giant hole in my life.
I feel empty and rudderless.” , Another helpful way to deal with people who try to rush you through the grieving process is to give them an assignment.
Keep in mind that they may offer empty platitudes because they only want to help, but don’t know how.
Give them some direction in regards to what you need.
Try saying, “I know you’re only trying to help, but I feel like you are rushing me to grieve.
Can you help me in some other way? I need some time alone, but not too much.
Can you come and sit with me a few hours each week? We can watch TV or movies, or simply read in each other’s company.
I just would like to know someone else is there.
Is that okay?”, In some cases, people may just not know how to help you.
You may want to make a list of things you would like them to say and do to help you feel better.
On this list, you might include: "I am here to help you in any way I can." "You are in my thoughts and prayers." "I am always just a phone call or email away." "I am here for you." Or you can even write things like “give me a hug,” “help me with errands or some daily tasks,” or “just sit and be present with me in person.”
About the Author
Diana Russell
A passionate writer with expertise in home improvement topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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