How to Handle People Who Are Angry at You
Remove yourself from a situation that feels dangerous., Call for help., Take a “time out.” If the situation is tense but not actively dangerous, ask for a time out.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Remove yourself from a situation that feels dangerous.
You may not always have the option to outright leave an angry situation, such as a customer shouting at you while you’re working.
However, if you sense that you are in danger, leave the situation, or try to get as much distance between you and the threat as possible.
If you are dealing with an angry person in your home or workspace, go to a safe, preferably public, place.
Avoid places without exits, such as bathrooms.
Avoid places that have items that could be used as weapons, such as kitchens.If you are dealing with an angry customer at your job, try to keep physical distance between you and the customer.
Stay behind your counter or stay out of arm’s reach. -
Step 2: Call for help.
You have the right to remain safe.
Depending on the type and severity of the threat, you can call a friend for help.
If you feel as though you are in imminent danger, call 911 or emergency services.
At work, call for a person of authority, such as a manager or security guard., Use an “I”-statement, such as “I need to take 15 minutes to cool down before we talk.” During this period, do something calming to get a handle on your own emotions and give the other person time to cool down.
Meet back at a specified place and time to discuss the issue.Always use “I”-statements when calling for a time-out, even if you believe the other person is entirely to blame for the situation.
Saying “I need a little time to think” may disarm the angry person, rather than putting him or her on the defensive.
Avoid accusative statements, such as “You need to take a time-out” or “Chill out.” Even if you feel these are true, they will put the other person’s defenses up and could make him or her even angrier.
Don’t be afraid to call for another time-out if the other person is still hostile or angry.
Ideally, both of you will do something to calm and soothe you during the time-out.
If a few time-outs have still not allowed the other person to calm down, consider suggesting that you wait to discuss the issue until you can have a neutral third party present.
This could be a therapist, HR representative, spiritual figure, etc. -
Step 3: Take a “time out.” If the situation is tense but not actively dangerous
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Step 4: ask for a time out.
Detailed Guide
You may not always have the option to outright leave an angry situation, such as a customer shouting at you while you’re working.
However, if you sense that you are in danger, leave the situation, or try to get as much distance between you and the threat as possible.
If you are dealing with an angry person in your home or workspace, go to a safe, preferably public, place.
Avoid places without exits, such as bathrooms.
Avoid places that have items that could be used as weapons, such as kitchens.If you are dealing with an angry customer at your job, try to keep physical distance between you and the customer.
Stay behind your counter or stay out of arm’s reach.
You have the right to remain safe.
Depending on the type and severity of the threat, you can call a friend for help.
If you feel as though you are in imminent danger, call 911 or emergency services.
At work, call for a person of authority, such as a manager or security guard., Use an “I”-statement, such as “I need to take 15 minutes to cool down before we talk.” During this period, do something calming to get a handle on your own emotions and give the other person time to cool down.
Meet back at a specified place and time to discuss the issue.Always use “I”-statements when calling for a time-out, even if you believe the other person is entirely to blame for the situation.
Saying “I need a little time to think” may disarm the angry person, rather than putting him or her on the defensive.
Avoid accusative statements, such as “You need to take a time-out” or “Chill out.” Even if you feel these are true, they will put the other person’s defenses up and could make him or her even angrier.
Don’t be afraid to call for another time-out if the other person is still hostile or angry.
Ideally, both of you will do something to calm and soothe you during the time-out.
If a few time-outs have still not allowed the other person to calm down, consider suggesting that you wait to discuss the issue until you can have a neutral third party present.
This could be a therapist, HR representative, spiritual figure, etc.
About the Author
Pamela Morgan
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
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