How to Focus on Facts Instead of Feelings

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Lay out the problem.

   When you're making a decision or faced with an issue, you may be wallowing in emotion because you haven't figured out exactly what the problem is.
   
   Take a moment to define the problem in clear terms.
   
   Once you've done that, you can gather the information you need to move ahead.Identifying the specific emotions at play may be of some help, too.
   
   Once you identify the emotions, you will be able to address them and understand where they are coming from.
   
   For instance, you might ask yourself, "Okay, what is the problem here, and why am I becoming emotional about it? The problem is that Jeff failed his math test, and I'm angry because he told me he was doing his homework and didn't need help.
   
   I feel angry because he lied to me, and I feel disrespected.
   
   I am also worried about how this will impact his grade, because I want him to succeed."
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   Step 2: Become knowledgeable about the situation.

   Often, to stay calm and focus on the facts, you need more information about the situation.
   
   Sometimes, that means doing your own research to learn more.
   
   Other times, you may need to ask other, more knowledgeable people for help, so that you can learn from them.
   
   Either way, try not to move forward without having as much information as you can.Don't be afraid to ask for more time to research and learn about a topic, or to admit you don't know much about it.
   
   You might say, "You know, I don't know much about that topic.
   
   I'd like to look into it a bit further before forming my opinion." You can set a deadline to revisit the topic with the person.
   
   You could say, "Can we talk about this on Monday when I've had time to do more research?"
   
   One way to clear your head about a decision or problem is to list both the pros and cons of the situation.
   
   You likely find that when the facts are laid out for you, the way forward is much clearer because you don't have to rely on emotion, just on what's in front of you.Don't just look at short-term effects.
   
   Think about how the decision or situation will affect you and others in the long-term., When you're faced with making a decision, you may find that you are having trouble deciding.
   
   This indecisiveness often stems from the fact that you may think you can avoid making a mistake if you don't decide, which is an emotional response.
   
   The truth is, though, not making a decision is, in fact, a decision, but it robs you of your agency and ability to direct your own life.
   
   Keep in mind, one right answer often doesn't exist, so pick a path based on the information you have and move ahead.This is another situation in which asking for more time might be appropriate.
   
   Make sure you set a deadline so you don't fall into the trap of simply never revisiting the topic or making a decision.
   
   You might say, "Can I let you know tomorrow morning?" or, "I'm going to sleep on it and I will let you know tomorrow."
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   Step 3: Make a pros and cons list.

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   Step 4: Don't worry yourself out of a decision.

Detailed Guide

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