How to Stop Writing Emails That Are Misunderstood
Use the phone., Have someone else read your email message., Be very brief and don’t use offbeat humor in your emails., Consider the recipient’s state of mind.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Use the phone.
If you are truly having trouble with a friend or are having a difficult time expressing yourself, skip trying to email and instead pick up the phone.
Send a quick email to the recipient that you’d like to chat by phone instead of email.
Be honest about why you’d prefer to talk on the phone.
Tell your friend that you may be having a hard time expressing yourself via email and would prefer to talk.
Write down what you would like to convey in your phone conversation.
Especially if you have something heavy to deliver make sure you have all your ducks in a row and points outlined before making the call.
That way you can still attend to the matter at hand and avoid meandering away from the reason why you called.
Don’t be accusatory.
Either by phone, text message or email, never just outright accuse someone of making you feel a certain way.
Or tell someone that they “need” to do something to make you feel better.
If someone did something to upset you, instead say, “I felt upset in reaction to ‘this’ action.” -
Step 2: Have someone else read your email message.
If you are going to send an email that could be misconstrued have an outside party read your message.
Let the other person know what is your intent with the message.
Especially if you are writing the message in the heat of the moment, you may be sending a highly charged message and could receive an even more highly charged response.
Be open to criticism.
You may think your email is pleasant, but your friend thinks is pretty obnoxious.
Take the feedback for what it is and use it to avoid getting a result you don’t want. , If you want to simply communicate a message like, “Let’s meet for lunch” or “Can you send me that report” get to the point and be brief.
Emails are meant to be an easier way to get your point across without having to exchange pleasantries on the phone.
If you simply need something, begin with a pleasant greeting such as, “Hi ______” and then dive into your request or question.
Be sure you sign your email with a “thank you” or “regards” to remain cordial.
Avoid trying to be funny.
Humorous delivery can sometimes be misconstrued via an email.
For example, if your friend had to cancel a trip to visit a relative due to financial constraints; don’t ask your friend if he/she feels guilty for neglecting his/her brother, followed by a smiley face.
You may think you are being playful, but in reality your friend may really feel bad but unable to afford the trip.
What may sound hilarious or cute to you may be cutting and annoying to someone else. , For example, if your friend is freaking out about a test score his/her daughter just received, don’t tell him/her that she should remember her child is still little, in the long run it really doesn’t matter and he/she should just get over it.
Perhaps in a few days your friend may realize it isn’t the end of the world but at the time he/she is extremely upset and charged--an email like that will only ignite his/her anger and most likely cause problems.
Be supportive in your emails.
Don’t offer advice (unless asked) but offer support and empathy.
Your friend may have sent you an email, venting about something that happened.
Although you may not understand why your friend is so upset or charged, instead of going after him/her and telling that person to chill or “get over it” just tell him/her you are here to talk.
Don’t answer emails immediately if your receive an email that upsets you.
If you feel as though a friend sent you an email that is rude or maybe misdirected, wait to respond until you are no longer angry or upset.
Your friend may not be in his/her usual state of mind when he/she sent the email so instead of firing something back immediately, give him/her time to simmer down and perhaps think about what he/she wrote. -
Step 3: Be very brief and don’t use offbeat humor in your emails.
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Step 4: Consider the recipient’s state of mind.
Detailed Guide
If you are truly having trouble with a friend or are having a difficult time expressing yourself, skip trying to email and instead pick up the phone.
Send a quick email to the recipient that you’d like to chat by phone instead of email.
Be honest about why you’d prefer to talk on the phone.
Tell your friend that you may be having a hard time expressing yourself via email and would prefer to talk.
Write down what you would like to convey in your phone conversation.
Especially if you have something heavy to deliver make sure you have all your ducks in a row and points outlined before making the call.
That way you can still attend to the matter at hand and avoid meandering away from the reason why you called.
Don’t be accusatory.
Either by phone, text message or email, never just outright accuse someone of making you feel a certain way.
Or tell someone that they “need” to do something to make you feel better.
If someone did something to upset you, instead say, “I felt upset in reaction to ‘this’ action.”
If you are going to send an email that could be misconstrued have an outside party read your message.
Let the other person know what is your intent with the message.
Especially if you are writing the message in the heat of the moment, you may be sending a highly charged message and could receive an even more highly charged response.
Be open to criticism.
You may think your email is pleasant, but your friend thinks is pretty obnoxious.
Take the feedback for what it is and use it to avoid getting a result you don’t want. , If you want to simply communicate a message like, “Let’s meet for lunch” or “Can you send me that report” get to the point and be brief.
Emails are meant to be an easier way to get your point across without having to exchange pleasantries on the phone.
If you simply need something, begin with a pleasant greeting such as, “Hi ______” and then dive into your request or question.
Be sure you sign your email with a “thank you” or “regards” to remain cordial.
Avoid trying to be funny.
Humorous delivery can sometimes be misconstrued via an email.
For example, if your friend had to cancel a trip to visit a relative due to financial constraints; don’t ask your friend if he/she feels guilty for neglecting his/her brother, followed by a smiley face.
You may think you are being playful, but in reality your friend may really feel bad but unable to afford the trip.
What may sound hilarious or cute to you may be cutting and annoying to someone else. , For example, if your friend is freaking out about a test score his/her daughter just received, don’t tell him/her that she should remember her child is still little, in the long run it really doesn’t matter and he/she should just get over it.
Perhaps in a few days your friend may realize it isn’t the end of the world but at the time he/she is extremely upset and charged--an email like that will only ignite his/her anger and most likely cause problems.
Be supportive in your emails.
Don’t offer advice (unless asked) but offer support and empathy.
Your friend may have sent you an email, venting about something that happened.
Although you may not understand why your friend is so upset or charged, instead of going after him/her and telling that person to chill or “get over it” just tell him/her you are here to talk.
Don’t answer emails immediately if your receive an email that upsets you.
If you feel as though a friend sent you an email that is rude or maybe misdirected, wait to respond until you are no longer angry or upset.
Your friend may not be in his/her usual state of mind when he/she sent the email so instead of firing something back immediately, give him/her time to simmer down and perhaps think about what he/she wrote.
About the Author
Dorothy Murphy
Creates helpful guides on crafts to inspire and educate readers.
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