How to Avoid Being a Pushover Parent
Set up rules for your child., Give specific instructions., Provide consequences when your child breaks the rules., Follow through with what you say., Stick with it even when you don’t feel like it., Remain strong with your discipline., Be patient.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Set up rules for your child.
Your child needs rules, limits, and boundaries.
They also need consequences for when they break rules.
But you must make your child aware of the rules.
Your child may get confused because you change the rules often.Consider sitting down and having a family meeting to discuss the rules and consequences.
Ask your child if they have any questions.
You may want to discuss why those rules are important and how it will keep your child safe.
Make sure to express the rules in a way that your child will understand.
For example, a very young child may not be able to understand or remember a set of complex rules, so you will need to explain the rules in words they can understand and give frequent reminders.
However, with an older child, you can probably explain the rules once and then post them somewhere visible, such as on the refrigerator.
If there are exceptions to the rules for any reason, make sure to explain to your child why there is an exception.
Make sure that you and your significant other are always on the same page about the rules.
This will help to ensure that your child will not get different guidelines and end up being confused. -
Step 2: Give specific instructions.
Whether you are setting a rule or asking your child to do something for you, make sure that they have plenty of information to help them follow through.
Being specific with your instructions will help to ensure that they do what you are asking and that there are no misunderstandings.
For example, do not simply ask your child to clean the bathroom.
Tell them what cleaning the bathroom entails, such as cleaning the bathtub, wiping down the counters and sinks, and taking out the trash.
You may even want to show them how to perform certain tasks to ensure that they will know how you want them done. , Being a pushover parent means you might threaten consequences but never reinforce them.
To change this behavior, come up with consequences for any rule breaking.
This may be a time out or loss of privilege.Tell your child the consequences so they know what to expect.
For example, you may say, “You can’t watch television before dinner.
If you do, you will lose your television privileges for today.” If your child watches TV anyway, reinforce the consequences by making sure they don’t watch television anymore that day.
Be firm.
This means that you should always be consistent with your rules and make sure that they are clear cut.
Be fair.
You should also make sure that you are always enforcing your rules the same way every time for every child.
Likewise, reward your child for the same good behaviors every time.
Be friendly.
When you discipline your child, make sure that you do not yell at them or act angrily towards them.
Be calm and discipline them from a place of love so that they will learn from the experience. , One sign of being a pushover parent is that you will say something, but if your child whines or throws a fit, you give in.
Your child will learn this is how to get things and won’t respect what you say.
Instead of giving in, hold strong with what you say.
Your child needs to understand that you will follow through with what you’ve said.For example, if you say, “No, you cannot have that candy,” you have to mean it.
You may want to follow that by saying, “No matter how much you beg, you will not get it.
I mean it.” Consistently enforce your rules and make sure your significant other does the same.
It is important to make sure that both you and your partner are enforcing the rules for your child.
Always provide rewards and consequences for the same behaviors every time.
This is very important. , Sometimes, you may be sick, tired, or moody.
This may lead you to now wanting to reinforce the behavior and let your children get away with things.
This can lead to confusion for your children and undermine your authority.When you feel bad, take a deep breath and focus even more on following through and being consistent.
Though it may be difficult, it will be worth it in the long run when you are not a pushover when you aren’t at your best. , You may feel guilty or bad after you discipline your child.
Because of this, you may want to go back on the punishment.
If your child reacts negatively by whining or crying that they’re sorry, you also may want to back off.
This is inconsistent and teaches your child that these reactions will get them out of trouble.
Instead, stick with your consequences.For example, if you take away a privilege, do not give it back before the allotted time just because your child is now behaving.
Instead, follow through to ensure future good behavior.
If your child throws a tantrum, just allow your child to get it out of their system.
Eventually, they will get tired and stop. , It may take a while for your child to realize that you are no longer a pushover parent.
They may try to use every trick they know to get you to go easier or not follow through.
They may not believe you at first when you discipline them.
They may act out even more because they’re frustrated.
Just be patient, follow through with your actions, and stick with it. -
Step 3: Provide consequences when your child breaks the rules.
-
Step 4: Follow through with what you say.
-
Step 5: Stick with it even when you don’t feel like it.
-
Step 6: Remain strong with your discipline.
-
Step 7: Be patient.
Detailed Guide
Your child needs rules, limits, and boundaries.
They also need consequences for when they break rules.
But you must make your child aware of the rules.
Your child may get confused because you change the rules often.Consider sitting down and having a family meeting to discuss the rules and consequences.
Ask your child if they have any questions.
You may want to discuss why those rules are important and how it will keep your child safe.
Make sure to express the rules in a way that your child will understand.
For example, a very young child may not be able to understand or remember a set of complex rules, so you will need to explain the rules in words they can understand and give frequent reminders.
However, with an older child, you can probably explain the rules once and then post them somewhere visible, such as on the refrigerator.
If there are exceptions to the rules for any reason, make sure to explain to your child why there is an exception.
Make sure that you and your significant other are always on the same page about the rules.
This will help to ensure that your child will not get different guidelines and end up being confused.
Whether you are setting a rule or asking your child to do something for you, make sure that they have plenty of information to help them follow through.
Being specific with your instructions will help to ensure that they do what you are asking and that there are no misunderstandings.
For example, do not simply ask your child to clean the bathroom.
Tell them what cleaning the bathroom entails, such as cleaning the bathtub, wiping down the counters and sinks, and taking out the trash.
You may even want to show them how to perform certain tasks to ensure that they will know how you want them done. , Being a pushover parent means you might threaten consequences but never reinforce them.
To change this behavior, come up with consequences for any rule breaking.
This may be a time out or loss of privilege.Tell your child the consequences so they know what to expect.
For example, you may say, “You can’t watch television before dinner.
If you do, you will lose your television privileges for today.” If your child watches TV anyway, reinforce the consequences by making sure they don’t watch television anymore that day.
Be firm.
This means that you should always be consistent with your rules and make sure that they are clear cut.
Be fair.
You should also make sure that you are always enforcing your rules the same way every time for every child.
Likewise, reward your child for the same good behaviors every time.
Be friendly.
When you discipline your child, make sure that you do not yell at them or act angrily towards them.
Be calm and discipline them from a place of love so that they will learn from the experience. , One sign of being a pushover parent is that you will say something, but if your child whines or throws a fit, you give in.
Your child will learn this is how to get things and won’t respect what you say.
Instead of giving in, hold strong with what you say.
Your child needs to understand that you will follow through with what you’ve said.For example, if you say, “No, you cannot have that candy,” you have to mean it.
You may want to follow that by saying, “No matter how much you beg, you will not get it.
I mean it.” Consistently enforce your rules and make sure your significant other does the same.
It is important to make sure that both you and your partner are enforcing the rules for your child.
Always provide rewards and consequences for the same behaviors every time.
This is very important. , Sometimes, you may be sick, tired, or moody.
This may lead you to now wanting to reinforce the behavior and let your children get away with things.
This can lead to confusion for your children and undermine your authority.When you feel bad, take a deep breath and focus even more on following through and being consistent.
Though it may be difficult, it will be worth it in the long run when you are not a pushover when you aren’t at your best. , You may feel guilty or bad after you discipline your child.
Because of this, you may want to go back on the punishment.
If your child reacts negatively by whining or crying that they’re sorry, you also may want to back off.
This is inconsistent and teaches your child that these reactions will get them out of trouble.
Instead, stick with your consequences.For example, if you take away a privilege, do not give it back before the allotted time just because your child is now behaving.
Instead, follow through to ensure future good behavior.
If your child throws a tantrum, just allow your child to get it out of their system.
Eventually, they will get tired and stop. , It may take a while for your child to realize that you are no longer a pushover parent.
They may try to use every trick they know to get you to go easier or not follow through.
They may not believe you at first when you discipline them.
They may act out even more because they’re frustrated.
Just be patient, follow through with your actions, and stick with it.
About the Author
Patrick Phillips
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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