How to Come Out to Strict Religious Parents When You're Gay

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Examine your motivation.

   Before initiating such an important conversation, take some time to think about why you want to have this discussion with your parents.
   
   Is it because you are secure in your sexuality and confident that you want to live your life openly? Or are you feeling angry, resentful, and overwhelmed? If you are upset or angry, then it may not be the most appropriate time to share this information.There are many reasons why you might choose to come out.
   
   It is up to you as an individual to decide when it is a good time and when there is a good reason.
   
   For instance, maybe you are very close to your parents and you don't like the distance that keeping a secret creates between all of you.
   
   Avoid coming out because of anger.
   
   Remember, your sexuality is not a weapon to be used to upset anyone.
   
   If you feel that the only result will be a hateful response, consider waiting to have this talk.
2. 2

   Step 2: Think about risks and benefits.

   Consider your living situation.
   
   Do you depend on your parents for housing and necessities such as food? Or do they pay your college tuition? Think about the possible consequences of coming out.
   
   You want to feel pretty confident that your parents will continue to support you.If you are worried about being kicked out of your home, consider waiting to come out until you are financially independent.
   
   Consider your safety.
   
   Are you scared that one or both of your parents may become violent? Make sure you have a plan to get to a safe space if that occurs.
   
   One strategy is to identify a friend who can provide a safe place for you to go if the conversation with your parents does not go well.
   
   This space can also give your parents time to reflect on the conversation so you can have a follow-up conversation.
   
   You also want to think about the possible benefits of coming out.
   
   For example, this could make your relationship with your parents much stronger.
   
   You might also feel emotionally better and a huge relief knowing that you don't have to keep your sexual identity a secret. , Try having a variety of plans ready.
   
   For example, if your parents are open to listening to you, figure out exactly how much you want to share.
   
   Or, if your parents are angry, what will you do? Will you give them space? Make sure that, whatever you decide, you are respectful and understand it may take your parents some time to absorb what you've told them.Make a plan in case your parents are not supportive.
   
   Are you prepared to cut off contact with them? Do you have a safe place to stay, if necessary? If your parents request space, or if they no longer seem to be hearing you, don't press the issue, as this may increase the stress and tension in the moment.
   
   Try to set an agreed-upon date and time to have a follow-up conversation. your parents may not be able to process any more information until they can fully absorb what you have already shared. , Preparing to come out can be a really emotional experience.
   
   It is perfectly normal to feel anxious or even scared.
   
   Having a good support system can be really helpful in this situation.
   
   Before coming out to your parents, make sure that you have at least one ally.Maybe you've already come out to one or more close friends.
   
   Ask them to support you before and after your talk with your parents.
   
   You can also seek support from your college or community's LGBT support center.
   
   Anyone that you really trust can be an ally for you.
   
   Talk to the person about your plan to come out to your parents.
   
   Find someone in your support group who is willing to let you stay with them if things do not go well during the discussion. , This is an important conversation so it is a good idea to be as prepared as possible.
   
   Try writing down what you want to say before you actually have the discussion.
   
   You can even make note cards to keep with you.
   
   They can help you to make sure that you have said everything you want to say.Try practicing with a friend or relative.
   
   They can help you figure out the right words.
   
   At the very least, try to at least figure out what you want to use as your opening line.
   
   You might say, "Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you.
   
   Please listen to me with an open heart and an open mind."
   
   Your parents might be very surprised by your news.
   
   Try not to startle them even more by telling them your story as they are on their way out the door to work, for instance.
   
   Instead, look for a time where your parents are relaxed and able to give you their full attention.It's also important to choose the right place.
   
   In many cases, it might be best to do this in private.
   
   Your living room might be a good choice.
   
   However, if you have any concerns about your safety, a public place might be a better choice.
   
   You could consider a coffee shop.
   
   Or you could go to a relative's house if they are supportive of you.
3. 3

   Step 3: Consider different scenarios.

4. 4

   Step 4: Find an ally.

5. 5

   Step 5: Organize your thoughts.

6. 6

   Step 6: Choose the right time and place.

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