How to Come Out to Your Parents by Email or Letter

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Decide whether to come out to one or both parents.

   First, figure out whether you should address your letter to both of your parents or start by coming out to one.
   
   You might feel more comfortable writing your letter to one parent, who can then help you come out to the other.If you address one letter to both of your parents, it might be a good idea to make a copy of your letter, print two copies, or send each of them an email.
   
   That way, they’ll each have their own copy to read at their own pace and in their own time.
2. 2

   Step 2: Use simple

   Be clear and direct, but use terms that you’re most comfortable with and that will be easiest for your parents to digest.
   
   Sometimes, telling your parents that you’re attracted to men or women is easier than saying, “I’m gay.”Further, sometimes the most specific terms are hard for parents to understand.
   
   For example, they might be able to understand that you’re transgendered, but you might confuse them if you start by describing your specific trans identity using terms they’ve never heard., Be confident, and let your parents know that discovering who you are has been a process.
   
   Tell them that you want to be honest with them, but you aren’t asking their permission to be yourself.For example, you could write, “I hope you understand that this isn’t just a phase, and that it’s taken some time for me to discover and accept myself.” , After writing about who you are and how you’ve come to accept yourself, you should include specific, actionable steps that your parents can take.
   
   Let them know exactly what you want and need from them.For example, let them know that you want to have an honest relationship with them.
   
   Write that you hope you can continue to rely on them for support and guidance.
   
   If you’re writing to one parent, tell them that you’d like them to help you come out to your other parent.
   
   You could also ask them to keep this to themselves and mention that you’d like to come out to other family members on your own time. , If you’d prefer to continue the conversation in writing, ask them to reply with letters of their own.
   
   If you’re writing to a parent who lives far away, ask them to write back to you or to set aside some time to talk on the phone.If you don’t have a preference, you could write, “I’m not sure what steps we should take next.
   
   You can write me a letter if it would help you make sense of all this, or we could talk face to face.” , After composing your letter, set it aside in a secure place and take some time away from it.
   
   Get a good night’s sleep, then read it back to yourself.
   
   Look for spots where you could be clearer, more confident, or more respectful, and revise it accordingly.
3. 3

   Step 3: approachable language.

4. 4

   Step 4: Explain that you know who you are.

5. 5

   Step 5: Tell them what you need from them.

6. 6

   Step 6: Propose ways of continuing the conversation.

7. 7

   Step 7: Reread and revise your letter.

Detailed Guide

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