How to Connect to Your Kids when You Don't Have Custody
Honor court orders regarding visitation rights., Stay in your child’s life., Offer to help out with activities., Go to events., Avoid making promises you can’t keep., Send mail., Maintain a routine., Discipline your child.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Honor court orders regarding visitation rights.
If you have been granted visitation rights and have regularly scheduled visits with your children, then make sure that you honor these arrangements.
Cooperating and maintaining your visitation rights with your children will help you to stay connected with your kids and it may help you to get increased visitation rights or even custody later on.
If you do not have visitation rights or if you wish to modify the arrangement that you have, then you will need to file a petition with the court.This is especially important if you are not on good terms with the person or persons who have custody of your children. -
Step 2: Stay in your child’s life.
Spend as much time with your child as you can.
This may mean a few hours on the weekend, one weekend a month, or weekly visits to their home.
It may not always be convenient to you, but that is not important.
Your child is important.
Make the time to spend time with them when you are able.If you skip planned meetings or don’t spend time with your child, they may feel abandoned. , One way you can connect with your child is to offer to help with activities and responsibilities.
Offer to drive your child to soccer practice, to pick them up from school, or to take them to the dentist.
This will help out the guardian and give you some quality time with your child.If you are taking your child to an activity, like sports practice, ask them questions about it.
Introduce yourself to the coach and the other parents, stick around to watch the practice, and help out afterwards. , One great way to connect with your child is to go to all of their school and recreational events.
Even if you only see them for a few minutes because they are busy, your child will know you were there for an important moment.
This will mean a lot to your child, and it’s a way to show them you care and love them.
For example, go to dance or music recitals, school plays, sports games, awards ceremonies, school family lunches, or school carnivals. , One of the worst things you can do to your child is to promise something and then not follow through.
This makes you seem unreliable and untrustworthy to your child.
If you can’t do something, tell them and explain why.
Being honest with your child is better than lying and not doing what you said you would.For example, if you can’t come to their dance recital because of work, don’t say you will and then not show up.
Instead, say, “I would love to be there, but I have to go out of town on business.
Why don’t you ask someone to film it so we can watch it together later?” , Connect with your children by sending letters or cards in the mail.
Even if you can’t see them often, you can let them know you are thinking about them.
Plus, everyone loves getting something in the mail, and a surprise card from you will make your child’s day.Send funny cards with pictures of things your child likes, such as monkeys, dogs, or cats.
Keep the letters short.
Tell them a quick story and end with a message, such as “I miss you and I love you.” , You may feel like you can only connect to your child if you do special things.
While it’s important to surprise your child with fun activities, trips, and gifts, don’t do this every time you are together.
This may seem like you are trying to buy their love instead of connecting.
One of the best ways to connect with your child and build a relationship is just to spend time together.
Adopt a normal routine that is similar to their routine at home.
Make their time with you feel as normal as possible.For example, get your child’s help cooking their favorite meal, then eat it on the couch as you ask your child about their week at school.
Help your child with their homework, and get them into bed at their usual bedtime.
Spend a Saturday playing your child’s favorite board games or go to the park and play sports together.
Talking is a great, easy way to connect with your child.
Ask them about their life, and share with them details of your life. , If your child is spending weekends or extended periods of time with you, you should have a discipline structure in place.
If possible, it should be similar to the one followed by their guardian.
Coming to your house shouldn’t be the time they can get away with anything.You may think no discipline will help you connect with your child.
However, discipline helps gives your child structure.
Be firm, fair, and loving when you discipline. -
Step 3: Offer to help out with activities.
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Step 4: Go to events.
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Step 5: Avoid making promises you can’t keep.
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Step 6: Send mail.
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Step 7: Maintain a routine.
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Step 8: Discipline your child.
Detailed Guide
If you have been granted visitation rights and have regularly scheduled visits with your children, then make sure that you honor these arrangements.
Cooperating and maintaining your visitation rights with your children will help you to stay connected with your kids and it may help you to get increased visitation rights or even custody later on.
If you do not have visitation rights or if you wish to modify the arrangement that you have, then you will need to file a petition with the court.This is especially important if you are not on good terms with the person or persons who have custody of your children.
Spend as much time with your child as you can.
This may mean a few hours on the weekend, one weekend a month, or weekly visits to their home.
It may not always be convenient to you, but that is not important.
Your child is important.
Make the time to spend time with them when you are able.If you skip planned meetings or don’t spend time with your child, they may feel abandoned. , One way you can connect with your child is to offer to help with activities and responsibilities.
Offer to drive your child to soccer practice, to pick them up from school, or to take them to the dentist.
This will help out the guardian and give you some quality time with your child.If you are taking your child to an activity, like sports practice, ask them questions about it.
Introduce yourself to the coach and the other parents, stick around to watch the practice, and help out afterwards. , One great way to connect with your child is to go to all of their school and recreational events.
Even if you only see them for a few minutes because they are busy, your child will know you were there for an important moment.
This will mean a lot to your child, and it’s a way to show them you care and love them.
For example, go to dance or music recitals, school plays, sports games, awards ceremonies, school family lunches, or school carnivals. , One of the worst things you can do to your child is to promise something and then not follow through.
This makes you seem unreliable and untrustworthy to your child.
If you can’t do something, tell them and explain why.
Being honest with your child is better than lying and not doing what you said you would.For example, if you can’t come to their dance recital because of work, don’t say you will and then not show up.
Instead, say, “I would love to be there, but I have to go out of town on business.
Why don’t you ask someone to film it so we can watch it together later?” , Connect with your children by sending letters or cards in the mail.
Even if you can’t see them often, you can let them know you are thinking about them.
Plus, everyone loves getting something in the mail, and a surprise card from you will make your child’s day.Send funny cards with pictures of things your child likes, such as monkeys, dogs, or cats.
Keep the letters short.
Tell them a quick story and end with a message, such as “I miss you and I love you.” , You may feel like you can only connect to your child if you do special things.
While it’s important to surprise your child with fun activities, trips, and gifts, don’t do this every time you are together.
This may seem like you are trying to buy their love instead of connecting.
One of the best ways to connect with your child and build a relationship is just to spend time together.
Adopt a normal routine that is similar to their routine at home.
Make their time with you feel as normal as possible.For example, get your child’s help cooking their favorite meal, then eat it on the couch as you ask your child about their week at school.
Help your child with their homework, and get them into bed at their usual bedtime.
Spend a Saturday playing your child’s favorite board games or go to the park and play sports together.
Talking is a great, easy way to connect with your child.
Ask them about their life, and share with them details of your life. , If your child is spending weekends or extended periods of time with you, you should have a discipline structure in place.
If possible, it should be similar to the one followed by their guardian.
Coming to your house shouldn’t be the time they can get away with anything.You may think no discipline will help you connect with your child.
However, discipline helps gives your child structure.
Be firm, fair, and loving when you discipline.
About the Author
Claire Nelson
Specializes in breaking down complex lifestyle topics into simple steps.
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