How to Convince Elderly Parents to Move Closer
Perform a cost-benefit analysis., Be proactive about the conversation., Talk face-to-face., Encourage them to share their reservations., Ensure all siblings are in agreement., Seek out an ally.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Perform a cost-benefit analysis.
Providing care across the country or even in a neighboring state can add up quickly.
Adult children may have to take off work to visit their parents, purchase plane tickets, obtain hotel accommodations, or arrange childcare.
Do the math in terms of time and money.
Gain a clear picture going in as to how much relocating would save the family.When you have the conversation, the information you learn can help you convince them that moving is a good idea for everyone. -
Step 2: Be proactive about the conversation.
Don’t wait until a crisis to broach the subject of relocating your parents.
Open the lines of communication early.
Waiting until after an accident or health scare can lead to a hasty decision.
Plus, if your parents have been living in the same area for an extended time, or they manage quite well right now, there’s a chance they’ll turn down your offer.
Bringing up the topic early allows for them to start incorporating it into their list of options when making future plans.
Simply put, they’ll have more time to mull it over., Of course, your parents need to be active participants in the decision-making process.
However, it will also help if you have the talk in person.
Avoid busy holidays or gatherings.
Plan a visit when you and your siblings (if you have any) can talk with your parents without distractions.
Then, be forthright about your concerns.
Pose the discussion as your problem, not theirs.
Say, “Dad, Mom, we’re really concerned about how you guys are managing.
You live in a large house.
It’s a lot to take care of on your own.
Plus, with Dad’s hip surgery, he hasn’t been able to get around as well.
It would give us peace of mind to have you closer.
What do you guys think about moving out to Denver?” , Keep in mind that you’re asking your parents to make a major move.
If they flat-out refuse, be respectful.
It doesn’t mean it won’t be possible in the future.
It just means they’re not quite ready.
Instead of forcing the issue or starting an argument, try to understand their objections and validate their decision to stay in their current home.Say, “I understand you not jumping for joy, but why are you so against the idea? Help us understand.” It is also helpful to let them know, "The opportunity is here in the future if you ever decide this is something you want.
Finding out their reservations can help you gradually develop counterarguments for a future discussion.Realize that unless your parents are cognitively impaired and unable to make sound decisions for themselves, they have a right to refuse to move.
If it has been determined by medical professionals that they are unable to make decisions on their own, you will still need to complete an advance directive or durable power of attorney enabling you to make decisions on their behalf., In order to persuade your parents to move nearby, you will have to make sure your siblings are on board.
You are more likely to present a convincing argument if everyone is on the same page and agrees that this is the best decision.
Talk to your siblings first.
Say, “Mom and Dad aren’t getting any younger.
What are we going to do about their long-term care? They live too far away for us to adequately care for them.” If everyone agrees, you can all have separate talks or do it as a group.
The important thing is that the message is consistent., Perhaps just one of your parents isn't so sure about the move.
Or, maybe they both don't fancy the idea.
Find someone they trust, and pitch your idea to this person.
It could be another elderly family member or a family friend.
Explain your concerns and ask if they will speak to your parents on your behalf.
Sometimes, people need to hear an idea from more than one source to truly consider its legitimacy.
If you find an ally, they may be able to communicate your concerns in a way that doesn't come off as pushy.
Ask an aunt or family friend, "I think Mom and Dad need to move closer to me, but they don't want to.
Could you maybe discuss it with them and try to see if they will change their minds? They have always respected your opinion." -
Step 3: Talk face-to-face.
-
Step 4: Encourage them to share their reservations.
-
Step 5: Ensure all siblings are in agreement.
-
Step 6: Seek out an ally.
Detailed Guide
Providing care across the country or even in a neighboring state can add up quickly.
Adult children may have to take off work to visit their parents, purchase plane tickets, obtain hotel accommodations, or arrange childcare.
Do the math in terms of time and money.
Gain a clear picture going in as to how much relocating would save the family.When you have the conversation, the information you learn can help you convince them that moving is a good idea for everyone.
Don’t wait until a crisis to broach the subject of relocating your parents.
Open the lines of communication early.
Waiting until after an accident or health scare can lead to a hasty decision.
Plus, if your parents have been living in the same area for an extended time, or they manage quite well right now, there’s a chance they’ll turn down your offer.
Bringing up the topic early allows for them to start incorporating it into their list of options when making future plans.
Simply put, they’ll have more time to mull it over., Of course, your parents need to be active participants in the decision-making process.
However, it will also help if you have the talk in person.
Avoid busy holidays or gatherings.
Plan a visit when you and your siblings (if you have any) can talk with your parents without distractions.
Then, be forthright about your concerns.
Pose the discussion as your problem, not theirs.
Say, “Dad, Mom, we’re really concerned about how you guys are managing.
You live in a large house.
It’s a lot to take care of on your own.
Plus, with Dad’s hip surgery, he hasn’t been able to get around as well.
It would give us peace of mind to have you closer.
What do you guys think about moving out to Denver?” , Keep in mind that you’re asking your parents to make a major move.
If they flat-out refuse, be respectful.
It doesn’t mean it won’t be possible in the future.
It just means they’re not quite ready.
Instead of forcing the issue or starting an argument, try to understand their objections and validate their decision to stay in their current home.Say, “I understand you not jumping for joy, but why are you so against the idea? Help us understand.” It is also helpful to let them know, "The opportunity is here in the future if you ever decide this is something you want.
Finding out their reservations can help you gradually develop counterarguments for a future discussion.Realize that unless your parents are cognitively impaired and unable to make sound decisions for themselves, they have a right to refuse to move.
If it has been determined by medical professionals that they are unable to make decisions on their own, you will still need to complete an advance directive or durable power of attorney enabling you to make decisions on their behalf., In order to persuade your parents to move nearby, you will have to make sure your siblings are on board.
You are more likely to present a convincing argument if everyone is on the same page and agrees that this is the best decision.
Talk to your siblings first.
Say, “Mom and Dad aren’t getting any younger.
What are we going to do about their long-term care? They live too far away for us to adequately care for them.” If everyone agrees, you can all have separate talks or do it as a group.
The important thing is that the message is consistent., Perhaps just one of your parents isn't so sure about the move.
Or, maybe they both don't fancy the idea.
Find someone they trust, and pitch your idea to this person.
It could be another elderly family member or a family friend.
Explain your concerns and ask if they will speak to your parents on your behalf.
Sometimes, people need to hear an idea from more than one source to truly consider its legitimacy.
If you find an ally, they may be able to communicate your concerns in a way that doesn't come off as pushy.
Ask an aunt or family friend, "I think Mom and Dad need to move closer to me, but they don't want to.
Could you maybe discuss it with them and try to see if they will change their minds? They have always respected your opinion."
About the Author
Jason Webb
A passionate writer with expertise in crafts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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