How to Cope when You Feel Like a Bad Mom
Feel the negativity, but don’t unpack and stay there., Tell yourself it’s okay not to be perfect., Stop comparing yourself to other moms., Focus on your strengths.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Feel the negativity
Sometimes, feeling bad about your parenting is just a side effect of the job.
However, you don’t want to play into these feelings.
That’s why it’s important to be able to recognize when they arise and move through them.Try taking some time to journal about the problem.
Write out what happened and why it is making you feel bad about yourself.
Then, try to look for something that you can learn from the experience.
For example, if you are feeling guilty about yelling at your daughter, then you might consider what caused you to do so.
Have you had a stressful day? Were you reacting to something she said or did? How would you like to handle similar situations in the future? It might also be helpful to give yourself a 15 minute time limit for worrying about what happened as well.
After your 15 minutes has elapsed, don’t think about it again.
More than likely, you will have released all the guilt or anger and you will start to feel better afterwards.
If the thoughts keep coming back up, say to yourself, "I'll worry about you later" and don't think about them again until your next worry period. -
Step 2: but don’t unpack and stay there.
If you’re a perfectionist in life, receiving even the slightest hint that you haven’t earned an “A+” in parenting can be devastating.
Stop holding yourself to such high expectations and you won’t feel horrible when you don’t meet them.
Instead, take a moment at the end of each day to celebrate what you did right as a mother.
Maybe you got all of your children dressed in clothes that actually matched.
Maybe you mustered up the energy to wash your hair.
Maybe you fed them –even if McDonald’s—but, they did eat.
Lower the bar on what you consider to be “good parenting” and you’ll engage in less self-criticism.
Research shows that kids really need your love, your time, and structure so that they learn appropriate boundaries.
If you are providing these, you have already earned an “A.”You can also focus on being present when you are with your children so that you can better enjoy their company.
Stay in the present moment and enjoy every little hug, smile, and conversation with your children.
Also, try to be optimistic about each day.
Imagine that things will go well, and a positive outcome will be more likely.
For example, if you are planning a trip to a local museum with your kids, then envision yourself and your kids having a great time and making lots of happy memories. , Parenting is hard.
For everyone—that’s right, even those moms who seem to have it all together have bad days.
Give yourself a break and stop peaking over their fences.
If you’re always caught up in what your neighbor or Facebook friend does for her kids, you will continue to feel worthless.Why? Because you are holding yourself up to unrealistic comparisons.
When you meet other moms at events or see snapshots of their lives on social media, you aren’t seeing the ugly parts.
They aren’t putting their bad days on display.
When you find yourself wanting to compare, remember this.
Say it to yourself, “Just because I don’t see her bad days, it doesn’t mean they don’t happen.” Get off Facebook or parenting forums if these sites make you beat yourself up.
Stop attending parenting groups that have high expectations of motherhood.
Don’t put yourself in environments that make you feel bad about yourself. , Rather than dwelling on your shortcomings, start emphasizing all those little things that you’re good at.
Collect them to fall back on during those times when that voice pops up in your head that you’re not good enough.Make a list of everything you believe you excel at as a mother.
Make the list on a good day, so you don’t sell yourself short due to negative thinking.
The list can include both big and little successes like sparing a few minutes to read your kids a bedtime story or helping your learning disabled child improve a math grade. -
Step 3: Tell yourself it’s okay not to be perfect.
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Step 4: Stop comparing yourself to other moms.
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Step 5: Focus on your strengths.
Detailed Guide
Sometimes, feeling bad about your parenting is just a side effect of the job.
However, you don’t want to play into these feelings.
That’s why it’s important to be able to recognize when they arise and move through them.Try taking some time to journal about the problem.
Write out what happened and why it is making you feel bad about yourself.
Then, try to look for something that you can learn from the experience.
For example, if you are feeling guilty about yelling at your daughter, then you might consider what caused you to do so.
Have you had a stressful day? Were you reacting to something she said or did? How would you like to handle similar situations in the future? It might also be helpful to give yourself a 15 minute time limit for worrying about what happened as well.
After your 15 minutes has elapsed, don’t think about it again.
More than likely, you will have released all the guilt or anger and you will start to feel better afterwards.
If the thoughts keep coming back up, say to yourself, "I'll worry about you later" and don't think about them again until your next worry period.
If you’re a perfectionist in life, receiving even the slightest hint that you haven’t earned an “A+” in parenting can be devastating.
Stop holding yourself to such high expectations and you won’t feel horrible when you don’t meet them.
Instead, take a moment at the end of each day to celebrate what you did right as a mother.
Maybe you got all of your children dressed in clothes that actually matched.
Maybe you mustered up the energy to wash your hair.
Maybe you fed them –even if McDonald’s—but, they did eat.
Lower the bar on what you consider to be “good parenting” and you’ll engage in less self-criticism.
Research shows that kids really need your love, your time, and structure so that they learn appropriate boundaries.
If you are providing these, you have already earned an “A.”You can also focus on being present when you are with your children so that you can better enjoy their company.
Stay in the present moment and enjoy every little hug, smile, and conversation with your children.
Also, try to be optimistic about each day.
Imagine that things will go well, and a positive outcome will be more likely.
For example, if you are planning a trip to a local museum with your kids, then envision yourself and your kids having a great time and making lots of happy memories. , Parenting is hard.
For everyone—that’s right, even those moms who seem to have it all together have bad days.
Give yourself a break and stop peaking over their fences.
If you’re always caught up in what your neighbor or Facebook friend does for her kids, you will continue to feel worthless.Why? Because you are holding yourself up to unrealistic comparisons.
When you meet other moms at events or see snapshots of their lives on social media, you aren’t seeing the ugly parts.
They aren’t putting their bad days on display.
When you find yourself wanting to compare, remember this.
Say it to yourself, “Just because I don’t see her bad days, it doesn’t mean they don’t happen.” Get off Facebook or parenting forums if these sites make you beat yourself up.
Stop attending parenting groups that have high expectations of motherhood.
Don’t put yourself in environments that make you feel bad about yourself. , Rather than dwelling on your shortcomings, start emphasizing all those little things that you’re good at.
Collect them to fall back on during those times when that voice pops up in your head that you’re not good enough.Make a list of everything you believe you excel at as a mother.
Make the list on a good day, so you don’t sell yourself short due to negative thinking.
The list can include both big and little successes like sparing a few minutes to read your kids a bedtime story or helping your learning disabled child improve a math grade.
About the Author
Jose King
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow organization tutorials.
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