How to Cope With a Sibling Leaving for College
Express excitement for this new chapter in your sibling’s life., Share your worries that things may change., Confront your parents if you feel like you have faded into the background., Grieve his or her absence., Offer your support., Spend quality...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Express excitement for this new chapter in your sibling’s life.
You may find that college is all she or he wants to talk about, and that is OK.
Share in this excitement and even play along since you are probably in some way excited for the change.
College and moving out is a time filled with big change.
If you have questions, ask them.
Get the ball rolling with questions like "How do you feel about this big change? Are you excited?" Your sibling will probably enjoy talking about the new adventure and it gives you time together.
Share in the excitement by getting involved in the preparations.
This not only distracts you from feeling bad but gives you extra time with your sibling before moving day. -
Step 2: Share your worries that things may change.
Do not be afraid to speak up to your sibling or your parents about the fear.
It's common for siblings left behind to have these worries.
No one will be mad at you for speaking up about how you feel.
There are some things you can do to ease these worries.Spend some time alone with your sibling before he or she leaves to make new memories and share in any knowledge he or she may feel they need to pass on to you before the move.
Don't be angry at him or her for leaving.
Be happy.
Going to college is a rite of passage.
Soon, you will be the one leaving the household. , The sibling who is not going anywhere may be temporarily forgotten during the flurry of activity prior to one child starting college.
Don’t feel bad about expressing your concerns to your parents, if you feel this way.Moving day—and the days leading up to it—is probably going to be pretty stressful so getting angry if you are feeling left out is not going to be helpful.
Instead ask for some quiet time to talk to mom or dad about your feelings. "Mom? Dad? Can I talk to you guys for a moment?...I've been feeling really left out lately." Do not be afraid to ask for your mom or dad to give you some one-on-one time to talk about your fears and reservations about the move.
You may be surprised to know that they are also probably feeling a mix of emotions., It’s OK to be sad and to take time to adjust to the change.
Don't fall into the line of thinking that showing sadness is lame or weak.
Your sibling will no doubt be touched that he or she has such an impact on you that leaving makes you upset.You can overcome grief or sadness by talking about it with either your sibling, your parents, or a close friend.
Don't be afraid to show your emotions.
Bottling up how you feel often makes it much worse.
Sometimes, it helps to just get it all out and show your sibling how you feel.
That being said, don't make it so dramatic to the point that he or she feels guilty about leaving. , Your sister or brother is likely to be feeling a host of emotions—fear, sadness, anxiety, and enthusiasm.
Ask what you can do to make the transition easier.
A simple "Is there anything I can do to help?" can make your sister or brother feel less alone during this big transition.
Another way to show support is to distract your sibling from the big move.
Distractions can work wonders to deal with the stress of the move.
Sometimes, the best support is just taking the time to step away from packing to do something fun the two of you used to do together like riding your bikes or going for a walk in the park. , Creating new memories before he or she leaves will help you two stay connected.
It might be fun to plan a going away party, help your brother or sister come up with decorations for the dorm, or visit campus to see where he or she will be living soon.Siblings like to feel a connection to family and like they are creating a legacy.
So, take some time to ask your brother or sister for advice before the move. , Giving your brother or sister a special gift can go along way towards helping him or her adjust to college life and helping you express your emotions.
The gift doesn’t have to cost a lot.
But, it should mean something to both of you.
Pictures or frames make great gifts to take to college and use as decorations.
You can also make your sister or brother a special gift that bring up memories for him or her.
Matching items like a special pillow or stuffed animal you both can keep on your beds make for a cute gift as well. , Get engaged with a new hobby.
Spend more time with your existing friends.
Your life shouldn’t stop when your brother or sister goes away to college.
Plus, getting involved in new activities will keep your calendar full and help you better cope with his or her departure., You and your sibling probably used to stay up talking to each other until late at night about everything.
Now that he or she is gone, you may feel more alone.Luckily, with the various forms of technology available today, you can connect with your sibling in a ton of different ways.
Establish a schedule for calls so you are not left feeling bad if the sibling isn’t able to answer.
While traditional phone calls are still a great communication tool, using additional methods allows the student to check messages and comments at a time that is convenient for them.
Texting works great for anytime use because you can write back and forth when available instead of needing the other person to connect right away.
You can also connect through e-mail, Skype, Facebook, Instant Messenger, etc.
You can even video chat or call with video to see each other as often as you are both available. , Being able to visualize the small block of time between the move and the visit will help you to look forward to the visit instead of focusing on the sadness of the move.
Make home visits special.
Be sure to do plenty of fun activities with the whole family that allows all of you to be together again, like old times. , A big part of this is sharing the fun of your new role with the sibling, chances are he or she is going to like the fact you are growing up and taking on new roles. -
Step 3: Confront your parents if you feel like you have faded into the background.
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Step 4: Grieve his or her absence.
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Step 5: Offer your support.
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Step 6: Spend quality time together before he or she leaves.
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Step 7: Prepare a going-away present with sentimental value.
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Step 8: Keep yourself busy.
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Step 9: Call or text often.
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Step 10: Make plans to visit.Buy a calendar and write the dates of your visits down.
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Step 11: Keep him or her updated on your life back home and vice versa.
Detailed Guide
You may find that college is all she or he wants to talk about, and that is OK.
Share in this excitement and even play along since you are probably in some way excited for the change.
College and moving out is a time filled with big change.
If you have questions, ask them.
Get the ball rolling with questions like "How do you feel about this big change? Are you excited?" Your sibling will probably enjoy talking about the new adventure and it gives you time together.
Share in the excitement by getting involved in the preparations.
This not only distracts you from feeling bad but gives you extra time with your sibling before moving day.
Do not be afraid to speak up to your sibling or your parents about the fear.
It's common for siblings left behind to have these worries.
No one will be mad at you for speaking up about how you feel.
There are some things you can do to ease these worries.Spend some time alone with your sibling before he or she leaves to make new memories and share in any knowledge he or she may feel they need to pass on to you before the move.
Don't be angry at him or her for leaving.
Be happy.
Going to college is a rite of passage.
Soon, you will be the one leaving the household. , The sibling who is not going anywhere may be temporarily forgotten during the flurry of activity prior to one child starting college.
Don’t feel bad about expressing your concerns to your parents, if you feel this way.Moving day—and the days leading up to it—is probably going to be pretty stressful so getting angry if you are feeling left out is not going to be helpful.
Instead ask for some quiet time to talk to mom or dad about your feelings. "Mom? Dad? Can I talk to you guys for a moment?...I've been feeling really left out lately." Do not be afraid to ask for your mom or dad to give you some one-on-one time to talk about your fears and reservations about the move.
You may be surprised to know that they are also probably feeling a mix of emotions., It’s OK to be sad and to take time to adjust to the change.
Don't fall into the line of thinking that showing sadness is lame or weak.
Your sibling will no doubt be touched that he or she has such an impact on you that leaving makes you upset.You can overcome grief or sadness by talking about it with either your sibling, your parents, or a close friend.
Don't be afraid to show your emotions.
Bottling up how you feel often makes it much worse.
Sometimes, it helps to just get it all out and show your sibling how you feel.
That being said, don't make it so dramatic to the point that he or she feels guilty about leaving. , Your sister or brother is likely to be feeling a host of emotions—fear, sadness, anxiety, and enthusiasm.
Ask what you can do to make the transition easier.
A simple "Is there anything I can do to help?" can make your sister or brother feel less alone during this big transition.
Another way to show support is to distract your sibling from the big move.
Distractions can work wonders to deal with the stress of the move.
Sometimes, the best support is just taking the time to step away from packing to do something fun the two of you used to do together like riding your bikes or going for a walk in the park. , Creating new memories before he or she leaves will help you two stay connected.
It might be fun to plan a going away party, help your brother or sister come up with decorations for the dorm, or visit campus to see where he or she will be living soon.Siblings like to feel a connection to family and like they are creating a legacy.
So, take some time to ask your brother or sister for advice before the move. , Giving your brother or sister a special gift can go along way towards helping him or her adjust to college life and helping you express your emotions.
The gift doesn’t have to cost a lot.
But, it should mean something to both of you.
Pictures or frames make great gifts to take to college and use as decorations.
You can also make your sister or brother a special gift that bring up memories for him or her.
Matching items like a special pillow or stuffed animal you both can keep on your beds make for a cute gift as well. , Get engaged with a new hobby.
Spend more time with your existing friends.
Your life shouldn’t stop when your brother or sister goes away to college.
Plus, getting involved in new activities will keep your calendar full and help you better cope with his or her departure., You and your sibling probably used to stay up talking to each other until late at night about everything.
Now that he or she is gone, you may feel more alone.Luckily, with the various forms of technology available today, you can connect with your sibling in a ton of different ways.
Establish a schedule for calls so you are not left feeling bad if the sibling isn’t able to answer.
While traditional phone calls are still a great communication tool, using additional methods allows the student to check messages and comments at a time that is convenient for them.
Texting works great for anytime use because you can write back and forth when available instead of needing the other person to connect right away.
You can also connect through e-mail, Skype, Facebook, Instant Messenger, etc.
You can even video chat or call with video to see each other as often as you are both available. , Being able to visualize the small block of time between the move and the visit will help you to look forward to the visit instead of focusing on the sadness of the move.
Make home visits special.
Be sure to do plenty of fun activities with the whole family that allows all of you to be together again, like old times. , A big part of this is sharing the fun of your new role with the sibling, chances are he or she is going to like the fact you are growing up and taking on new roles.
About the Author
Charles Adams
Writer and educator with a focus on practical practical skills knowledge.
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