How to Cope with Divorced Parents
Avoid getting drawn into their conflict., Maintain boundaries., Tell your parents to get help.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Avoid getting drawn into their conflict.
It’s important that you’re able to feel comfortable about each of your parents after their divorce.
One of the most important aspects of maintaining positive relationships with each of your parents is refusing to side with one of them over the other.
If either of your parents try to get you to agree with them about how they see their divorce, remind them that it is their relationship, and their discussion.
If one of your parents begins to act as though they are jealous or upset about you spending time with your other parent, tell them to stop.
Be specific, by saying something like, “I intend to maintain a positive relationship with both of you, and you need to allow me to do so.” -
Step 2: Maintain boundaries.
Hopefully, your parents will not attempt to pit you against one another.
However, you may realize that one or both of your parents begin to rely on you heavily for emotional support.
This can be a challenging thing to experience, as well as a challenging thing to recognize.
If you find yourself consoling a parent somewhat often, think about who else they may be able to speak with.If they have siblings or close friends that they could talk to, reach out to those people and ask them to contact your parent.
Though it may feel odd to seek help for a parent, it is likely in both your own and their best interest.
Never allow either of your parents to act as though their happiness is your responsibility.
If they make this implication, respond by saying something like, “I want you to be happy and I will support you as much as I am able, but I also need to take care of myself.” , Your parents are people too.
It can be disconcerting to become aware of the fact that they sometimes struggle with intense emotions and need support when they’ve always been the ones taking care of you.
This realization can even be traumatizing, though it will also likely contribute to your own growth.If your parents are struggling with persistent bitterness, anger, or depression, ask them to see a counselor or therapist.
Tell them that a counselor will know how to help them maintain emotional stability while going through a divorce.
Further, conclude the thought by saying something like, “a therapist can also give you pointers to help ease the stress you’re feeling.” Make sure that you do not start to take on the role of a counselor for your parents, such as by listening to them complain, being a shoulder to cry on, or offering advice.
If you find that you are taking on this role, then ask your parents to seek the help of a counselor as soon as possible.
This is not a healthy relationship to develop with your parent(s) and it can have negative emotional effects on you.
If your parent continues to rely on you for emotional support, then talk to another trustworthy adult about the situation, such as an aunt, grandparent, or teacher. -
Step 3: Tell your parents to get help.
Detailed Guide
It’s important that you’re able to feel comfortable about each of your parents after their divorce.
One of the most important aspects of maintaining positive relationships with each of your parents is refusing to side with one of them over the other.
If either of your parents try to get you to agree with them about how they see their divorce, remind them that it is their relationship, and their discussion.
If one of your parents begins to act as though they are jealous or upset about you spending time with your other parent, tell them to stop.
Be specific, by saying something like, “I intend to maintain a positive relationship with both of you, and you need to allow me to do so.”
Hopefully, your parents will not attempt to pit you against one another.
However, you may realize that one or both of your parents begin to rely on you heavily for emotional support.
This can be a challenging thing to experience, as well as a challenging thing to recognize.
If you find yourself consoling a parent somewhat often, think about who else they may be able to speak with.If they have siblings or close friends that they could talk to, reach out to those people and ask them to contact your parent.
Though it may feel odd to seek help for a parent, it is likely in both your own and their best interest.
Never allow either of your parents to act as though their happiness is your responsibility.
If they make this implication, respond by saying something like, “I want you to be happy and I will support you as much as I am able, but I also need to take care of myself.” , Your parents are people too.
It can be disconcerting to become aware of the fact that they sometimes struggle with intense emotions and need support when they’ve always been the ones taking care of you.
This realization can even be traumatizing, though it will also likely contribute to your own growth.If your parents are struggling with persistent bitterness, anger, or depression, ask them to see a counselor or therapist.
Tell them that a counselor will know how to help them maintain emotional stability while going through a divorce.
Further, conclude the thought by saying something like, “a therapist can also give you pointers to help ease the stress you’re feeling.” Make sure that you do not start to take on the role of a counselor for your parents, such as by listening to them complain, being a shoulder to cry on, or offering advice.
If you find that you are taking on this role, then ask your parents to seek the help of a counselor as soon as possible.
This is not a healthy relationship to develop with your parent(s) and it can have negative emotional effects on you.
If your parent continues to rely on you for emotional support, then talk to another trustworthy adult about the situation, such as an aunt, grandparent, or teacher.
About the Author
Pamela Hall
A passionate writer with expertise in home improvement topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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