How to Cope with Institutionalized Child Abuse

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Consider how your physical needs were treated.

   Physical needs include water, food, shelter (e.g. wilderness camp), access to sanitary items, necessary disability accommodations, and more.
   
   Abuse regarding physical needs includes...
   
   Outright denial of needs Partially granted needs; care was not sufficient (e.g. tiny meals or meals offering limited food groups) Expected to take care of your own needs, regardless of whether you could Needs only met if you were a "good boy/girl" or could meet certain standards (e.g. disabled children expected to speak in order to get water)
2. 2

   Step 2: Reflect on whether emotional abuse occurred.

   This can be difficult to pinpoint because it is so complex, and you may not realize it is going on.
   
   An emotional abuser may insult you, belittle you, blame you, humiliate you, refuse to listen to you, and use other tactics to destroy your emotional health.
   
   Here are symptoms you are being emotionally abused (you may have some but not all):
   Low self-esteem, hating yourself Low confidence Constantly modifying your behavior to avoid getting yelled at Feeling powerless Afraid to make decisions Needing constant reassurance Afraid of the person , Abusive people may pin you down, attempt to change your identity, harshly punish you if you do something they don't like, and more.
   
   You may feel afraid of them, and worry that they are constantly watching. , No one should ever grab you without consent or intentionally cause you pain.
   
   If there was no immediate safety threat motivating their behavior, then that is abuse.
   
   Here are some examples of things that are physical abuse:
   Hitting, slapping, punching Kicking Grabbing/dragging Hitting you using an object (coat hanger, drinking cup, rope, anything) Burning you Forcing you to interact with something that hurts you (e.g. kneel on painful gravel) Electric shocks Spraying vinegar in your mouth, purposefully hurting you with loud noise, forcing you to touch awful textures (Labeled "aversives" in autism/ABA therapy) , Institutions may use conversion "therapy" in an attempt to change your gender identity, sexuality, disability, religion, etc.
   
   Here are examples:
   Gender identity—pushing you into rigid gender roles, tearing away anything "feminine" or "masculine" (depending on your assigned sex); may overlap with attempts to alter your sexuality Sexuality—teaching that certain sexualities are wrong, forcing you to study a different sexuality in great detail, treating sexuality as a choice instead of an inborn/natural trait Disability—suppressing harmless symptoms (e.g. most stimming), forcing you to perform new skills before you're ready, fighting for normalization instead of adaptability (e.g. forcing deaf children to speak instead of teaching sign language) Religion—refusing to respect religious differences, attempting to convert you without your consent, treating people of other religions as lesser Size—forcing you to lose weight at the expense of physical and mental health, rather than prioritizing health and happiness over weight loss , Did they accuse you of being needy, whiny, or annoying when you asked for respect or things to meet your needs? Did they promise to handle it and never follow through? Or did their follow-through prove inadequate, or not last long? Did they treat you like you were the problem if you came back? Or were you too afraid of them to even bring it up with them?
3. 3

   Step 3: Identify any attempts to control you.

4. 4

   Step 4: Consider any physical punishments or other physical abuse.

5. 5

   Step 5: Be very wary of attempts to change your identity.

6. 6

   Step 6: Consider how they responded when you expressed unhappiness.

Detailed Guide

About the Author