How to Cope With Your Father's Death (for Young People)
Be accepting of the pain., Talk to others., Talk to your mother., Seek professional help., Allow yourself to cry., Talk about who your dad was., Integrate the loss into your life., Know that you will always be your dad's child.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be accepting of the pain.
The loss of your dad can easily take away your emotions and impact on who you feel you are.
You won't feel the same after this loss and it is important to accept that this is a normal state. -
Step 2: Talk to others.
Speak with family and friends as openly as possible.
They know you are going through a really difficult time and it is important to share your emotions, your ups and downs and your fears with others.
Remember that your inner circle of family members are probably experiencing similar emotions and maybe you can help one another through this devastating time.
However, if you don't feel comfortable talking with family members or you feel that their own pain has locked them away from you so intensely, you should feel free to talk to your peers and people who can help at school such as counselors or a doctor.
If you would prefer a more private setting try blogging or chatting online.
It is best not to bottle it up inside; while you can still keep deep emotions and reflections to yourself, talking to some extent is vital to keep you connected with humanity and feeling the power of supportive friendships. , Many young people feel an overwhelming need to protect their mother from pain.
Yes, she will be suffering intensely but she needs you and you need her.
Remember that your reluctance to speak with her may be interpreted by her as a need for her to avoid upsetting you by talking too much about the loss.
As such, this can turn into a vicious cycle of both of you trying to protect one another and neither one of you actually opening up and actively talking through what has happened and sharing your pain.
Acknowledge it first if your mother cannot and tell her that you do need to talk to her about your feelings of loss.
Also tell her that you want to discuss how you love her and how you still love your dad and that you want to keep the memories intact as a family effort.
In this way, you can try to help avoid joint isolation in grief. , It is really important to seek counseling if you are having feelings of depression and an inability to cope with your loss.
It will not improve things for you if you allow yourself to be swept under by powerful negative emotions. , It is going to be hard and crying is a normal outlet.
If you feel that you need to maintain a brave face in front of others, cry in your own personal space, whenever the urge takes you.
But realize also, that there is no losing face or shame in crying in front of anybody during a time like this.
Everybody can imagine how terrible it must be to lose a father and they will be supportive. , Remember the good things about your dad and look at photos of him.
Put together a memory album and write down all the wonderful things you have experienced together.
Other ideas include making a collage, writing letters to your dad and saving them or disposing of them in a symbolic fashion and making a DVD of times spent together. , Over time your grief will change in the way that it is expressed.
Few people ever truly "get over" the loss of a close loved one but most people find a special place in their heart that guards the memory and essence of the lost person for life.
Accept that you will faced with the heartache of the loss of your father time and time again through life, especially on occasions where you would have expected your father to be standing by your side, such as graduations, sports events, a wedding etc.
You will also lack the advice on finances, planning, socializing etc. that a father would have provided you.
Accept these realities and do your own planning and find mentors who are supportive, caring and capable of assisting you in these ways. , He may have died but you still continue to have a relationship with him.
You will always be his child and he will always live on in your heart.
Others will know the person he was through you; so treasure the memories and be ready to share them with others as time moves on. -
Step 3: Talk to your mother.
-
Step 4: Seek professional help.
-
Step 5: Allow yourself to cry.
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Step 6: Talk about who your dad was.
-
Step 7: Integrate the loss into your life.
-
Step 8: Know that you will always be your dad's child.
Detailed Guide
The loss of your dad can easily take away your emotions and impact on who you feel you are.
You won't feel the same after this loss and it is important to accept that this is a normal state.
Speak with family and friends as openly as possible.
They know you are going through a really difficult time and it is important to share your emotions, your ups and downs and your fears with others.
Remember that your inner circle of family members are probably experiencing similar emotions and maybe you can help one another through this devastating time.
However, if you don't feel comfortable talking with family members or you feel that their own pain has locked them away from you so intensely, you should feel free to talk to your peers and people who can help at school such as counselors or a doctor.
If you would prefer a more private setting try blogging or chatting online.
It is best not to bottle it up inside; while you can still keep deep emotions and reflections to yourself, talking to some extent is vital to keep you connected with humanity and feeling the power of supportive friendships. , Many young people feel an overwhelming need to protect their mother from pain.
Yes, she will be suffering intensely but she needs you and you need her.
Remember that your reluctance to speak with her may be interpreted by her as a need for her to avoid upsetting you by talking too much about the loss.
As such, this can turn into a vicious cycle of both of you trying to protect one another and neither one of you actually opening up and actively talking through what has happened and sharing your pain.
Acknowledge it first if your mother cannot and tell her that you do need to talk to her about your feelings of loss.
Also tell her that you want to discuss how you love her and how you still love your dad and that you want to keep the memories intact as a family effort.
In this way, you can try to help avoid joint isolation in grief. , It is really important to seek counseling if you are having feelings of depression and an inability to cope with your loss.
It will not improve things for you if you allow yourself to be swept under by powerful negative emotions. , It is going to be hard and crying is a normal outlet.
If you feel that you need to maintain a brave face in front of others, cry in your own personal space, whenever the urge takes you.
But realize also, that there is no losing face or shame in crying in front of anybody during a time like this.
Everybody can imagine how terrible it must be to lose a father and they will be supportive. , Remember the good things about your dad and look at photos of him.
Put together a memory album and write down all the wonderful things you have experienced together.
Other ideas include making a collage, writing letters to your dad and saving them or disposing of them in a symbolic fashion and making a DVD of times spent together. , Over time your grief will change in the way that it is expressed.
Few people ever truly "get over" the loss of a close loved one but most people find a special place in their heart that guards the memory and essence of the lost person for life.
Accept that you will faced with the heartache of the loss of your father time and time again through life, especially on occasions where you would have expected your father to be standing by your side, such as graduations, sports events, a wedding etc.
You will also lack the advice on finances, planning, socializing etc. that a father would have provided you.
Accept these realities and do your own planning and find mentors who are supportive, caring and capable of assisting you in these ways. , He may have died but you still continue to have a relationship with him.
You will always be his child and he will always live on in your heart.
Others will know the person he was through you; so treasure the memories and be ready to share them with others as time moves on.
About the Author
Charles Cole
Committed to making practical skills accessible and understandable for everyone.
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