How to Deal With a Disabled Child
Give yourself time to adjust., Reach out to others., Research your child's disability., Find good doctors/specialists., Accept your child's own pace., Presume competence., Incorporate education about boundaries., Teach your child at their level...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give yourself time to adjust.
Your child will not live the non-disabled life that you may have planned for them, and it may take a while to adjust to that idea.
You may have heard frightening stereotypes or stories that make you worry for your child's future.
Worries are normal, and okay.
It's a lot to take in.
You will be able to handle it. -
Step 2: Reach out to others.
Look to parents of disabled children, and disabled people who can remember their own childhoods.
Both groups of people can offer advice and support.
The parents have had the same parenting challenges that you will face, and the disabled people can remember their childhoods and what worked (and didn't work) for them.
If in-person resources are limited, look to the internet. , Reading about the disability can help you understand what your child is going through, and be prepared for the various challenges you and your child will face.
Being informed will help you understand what is going on. , Look for someone who has experience in cases like your child's, who listens carefully to you (and your child too), and has a helpful attitude.
A good specialist can be an incredible resource to you and your child. , Your child may not meet the standard developmental timeline, and that's okay.
Prepare to change your expectations and be patient with your child.
Celebrate the little victories, and quit worrying about what the kids next door can do.
Be prepared to be patient and slow down. , Your child might be paying closer attention, and trying harder, than you realize.
Act with the assumption that your child can understand what you say, and that they want to succeed.
They will grow and rise to meet your expectations.
Talk to them regularly, even if the conversation is fairly one-sided.
Watch their body language.
If you say "Did you play with your friends?" and they giggle and smile, they've given you their answer.
Some children don't look at a person while they are listening to them.
If your child is in earshot of you, assume they are listening. (Say their name and get in their line of sight to ensure that they are paying attention.) , Personal space and other boundaries are very important things to understand, and will greatly improve your child's social skills.
Teach things like "don't push" and "don't play with your sister's hair if she says no." Don't let other people (including adults) cross your child's boundaries (e.g. forcing eye contact, hugging when they don't want hugs).
This teaches your child that "no" is important, and that other people deserve respect.
All children need to learn this.
Knowledge about boundaries will help your child socialize, and will also help arm them against the abuse (because the child will recognize that something is wrong).
Teach your child to get help if someone violates their boundaries, even if it's as simple as a kid pulling their hair. , If your child can't count change yet, it wouldn't make sense to have them learn multiplication with their same-age peers.
Similarly, if your five-year-old is a fluent reader, give them children's chapter books.
Tailor your lessons to your child's unique abilities, and focus on what their personal next step is (not what their peers are learning). , If your child gets overwhelmed easily, get earplugs and brimmed hats.
If your child hits their legs, get them deep pressure cushions.
You can get ideas from your specialist, parents, and disabled people.
Work on brainstorming solutions to individual problems. , You are the expert on your child, and you have loving intuition about what will help them and what will hurt them.
If a specialist recommends something that you don't feel is helpful, appropriate, or ethical, then this is worth talking about.
A good specialist will listen to your concerns and take your point of view seriously.
If your specialist condescends to you, hides information from you, brushes you off, or suggests treatments that make you feel queasy (e.g. chelation or compliance training), this is not a good specialist. , Your child has challenges and weak points—and also strong points and lovable quirks.
Look at your child and remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for, and all the reasons your child is easy to love.
Parenting a disabled child is not easy (parenting never is), but any parent would tell you that they would never replace their child. -
Step 3: Research your child's disability.
-
Step 4: Find good doctors/specialists.
-
Step 5: Accept your child's own pace.
-
Step 6: Presume competence.
-
Step 7: Incorporate education about boundaries.
-
Step 8: Teach your child at their level.
-
Step 9: Work on strategies to handle individual problems.
-
Step 10: Trust your instincts.
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Step 11: Remember all that you have to love.
Detailed Guide
Your child will not live the non-disabled life that you may have planned for them, and it may take a while to adjust to that idea.
You may have heard frightening stereotypes or stories that make you worry for your child's future.
Worries are normal, and okay.
It's a lot to take in.
You will be able to handle it.
Look to parents of disabled children, and disabled people who can remember their own childhoods.
Both groups of people can offer advice and support.
The parents have had the same parenting challenges that you will face, and the disabled people can remember their childhoods and what worked (and didn't work) for them.
If in-person resources are limited, look to the internet. , Reading about the disability can help you understand what your child is going through, and be prepared for the various challenges you and your child will face.
Being informed will help you understand what is going on. , Look for someone who has experience in cases like your child's, who listens carefully to you (and your child too), and has a helpful attitude.
A good specialist can be an incredible resource to you and your child. , Your child may not meet the standard developmental timeline, and that's okay.
Prepare to change your expectations and be patient with your child.
Celebrate the little victories, and quit worrying about what the kids next door can do.
Be prepared to be patient and slow down. , Your child might be paying closer attention, and trying harder, than you realize.
Act with the assumption that your child can understand what you say, and that they want to succeed.
They will grow and rise to meet your expectations.
Talk to them regularly, even if the conversation is fairly one-sided.
Watch their body language.
If you say "Did you play with your friends?" and they giggle and smile, they've given you their answer.
Some children don't look at a person while they are listening to them.
If your child is in earshot of you, assume they are listening. (Say their name and get in their line of sight to ensure that they are paying attention.) , Personal space and other boundaries are very important things to understand, and will greatly improve your child's social skills.
Teach things like "don't push" and "don't play with your sister's hair if she says no." Don't let other people (including adults) cross your child's boundaries (e.g. forcing eye contact, hugging when they don't want hugs).
This teaches your child that "no" is important, and that other people deserve respect.
All children need to learn this.
Knowledge about boundaries will help your child socialize, and will also help arm them against the abuse (because the child will recognize that something is wrong).
Teach your child to get help if someone violates their boundaries, even if it's as simple as a kid pulling their hair. , If your child can't count change yet, it wouldn't make sense to have them learn multiplication with their same-age peers.
Similarly, if your five-year-old is a fluent reader, give them children's chapter books.
Tailor your lessons to your child's unique abilities, and focus on what their personal next step is (not what their peers are learning). , If your child gets overwhelmed easily, get earplugs and brimmed hats.
If your child hits their legs, get them deep pressure cushions.
You can get ideas from your specialist, parents, and disabled people.
Work on brainstorming solutions to individual problems. , You are the expert on your child, and you have loving intuition about what will help them and what will hurt them.
If a specialist recommends something that you don't feel is helpful, appropriate, or ethical, then this is worth talking about.
A good specialist will listen to your concerns and take your point of view seriously.
If your specialist condescends to you, hides information from you, brushes you off, or suggests treatments that make you feel queasy (e.g. chelation or compliance training), this is not a good specialist. , Your child has challenges and weak points—and also strong points and lovable quirks.
Look at your child and remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for, and all the reasons your child is easy to love.
Parenting a disabled child is not easy (parenting never is), but any parent would tell you that they would never replace their child.
About the Author
Judy Alvarez
Creates helpful guides on crafts to inspire and educate readers.
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