How to Deal With a Sibling Who Always Snitches on You
Explain “tattling” versus “telling.” If your sibling is very young, expect them to not understand the difference between the two, especially if they are between four and eight years old., Explain the impact of tattling., Be helpful, not hurtful...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Explain “tattling” versus “telling.” If your sibling is very young
Sit your sibling down for a talk, either before they run to your parents or sometime afterward, once they have calmed down.
Spell out in plain words how one is different from the other:”Telling” on someone is when you see them doing something that is seriously wrong, like hurting someone else, hurting themselves, or behaving in a way that may end up hurting someone, such as playing in a busy street. ”Tattling” on someone is when you gripe to your parents about every little thing, like seeing someone playing a forbidden video game or coming home twenty minutes after curfew.
Open the conversation gently so they don’t feel defensive.
For example: “Tara, I'm not mad, but do you mind if we talk about something?” -
Step 2: expect them to not understand the difference between the two
Tell your sister or brother how their tattling can irritate people.Explain how it can hurt their relationships over time by leading people to form a poor opinion of them.
Use your parents and your sibling’s peers as examples.
For instance:
Explain how your parents will grow tired of listening to what your sibling has to say if they tattle all the time: “Do you know how you get tired of Mom and Dad telling you to clean your room over and over? Well, Mom and Dad get tired of hearing us complain about each other over and over again, too.” Warn how your sibling’s classmates and neighborhood friends will stop including them if your sibling rats them out all the time:“You wouldn’t want to hang out with me if I got you into trouble every time we played together, would you? Well, kids at school are going to feel the same way.” , As you tell all this to your sibling, make it clear that you are having this talk for their benefit, not yours.
Do not use this opportunity to berate them for what they have done.
Present this as advice, not a reprimand, so they are more likely to listen.
Keep in mind that yelling at them will probably make them defensive and less receptive.Use examples from your own life to a) demonstrate how snitching can backfire on you, and b) assure your little brother or sister that you are speaking to them as an equal. , Share your parents’ hopes that you will both grow up into people who can take care of themselves.
Emphasize that “big kids” should be able to resolve problems on their own without running to Mom or Dad.
Tell them that, when somebody does something that your sibling thinks is wrong, they should try to think of how they can fix things without bothering Mom and Dad.Warn them that they might not like the solution 100%.
For instance, say their friend, Bill, hogs all of his own toys whenever they play together.
One solution may be to stop playing with Bill for a while in order to teach him a lesson.
They may not like doing this at first, so explain how it will make Bill realize that refusing to share has consequences in the long run. , Appreciate the fact that they are too young to take this one talk to heart right away.
Expect them to backslide and tattle afterward.
When they do, resist the urge to get mad.
Pull them aside later on and ask them in a friendly, concerned way if they remembered this talk.
Then offer possible ways that the two of you could have resolved this last instance on your own.
Let's say they snitched on you for coming home late after hanging out with your friends:
First, ask them if anyone got hurt because of it.
When they say no, reiterate how this means that “coming home late” isn’t something to run to Mom or Dad about.
Then explain how, if the two of you had agreed to keep it to yourselves, you would also feel obligated to keep your mouth if you caught them doing something wrong. -
Step 3: especially if they are between four and eight years old.
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Step 4: Explain the impact of tattling.
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Step 5: Be helpful
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Step 6: not hurtful.
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Step 7: Appeal to their desire to be a “big” boy or girl.
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Step 8: Be patient.Remember that your younger sibling is little.
Detailed Guide
Sit your sibling down for a talk, either before they run to your parents or sometime afterward, once they have calmed down.
Spell out in plain words how one is different from the other:”Telling” on someone is when you see them doing something that is seriously wrong, like hurting someone else, hurting themselves, or behaving in a way that may end up hurting someone, such as playing in a busy street. ”Tattling” on someone is when you gripe to your parents about every little thing, like seeing someone playing a forbidden video game or coming home twenty minutes after curfew.
Open the conversation gently so they don’t feel defensive.
For example: “Tara, I'm not mad, but do you mind if we talk about something?”
Tell your sister or brother how their tattling can irritate people.Explain how it can hurt their relationships over time by leading people to form a poor opinion of them.
Use your parents and your sibling’s peers as examples.
For instance:
Explain how your parents will grow tired of listening to what your sibling has to say if they tattle all the time: “Do you know how you get tired of Mom and Dad telling you to clean your room over and over? Well, Mom and Dad get tired of hearing us complain about each other over and over again, too.” Warn how your sibling’s classmates and neighborhood friends will stop including them if your sibling rats them out all the time:“You wouldn’t want to hang out with me if I got you into trouble every time we played together, would you? Well, kids at school are going to feel the same way.” , As you tell all this to your sibling, make it clear that you are having this talk for their benefit, not yours.
Do not use this opportunity to berate them for what they have done.
Present this as advice, not a reprimand, so they are more likely to listen.
Keep in mind that yelling at them will probably make them defensive and less receptive.Use examples from your own life to a) demonstrate how snitching can backfire on you, and b) assure your little brother or sister that you are speaking to them as an equal. , Share your parents’ hopes that you will both grow up into people who can take care of themselves.
Emphasize that “big kids” should be able to resolve problems on their own without running to Mom or Dad.
Tell them that, when somebody does something that your sibling thinks is wrong, they should try to think of how they can fix things without bothering Mom and Dad.Warn them that they might not like the solution 100%.
For instance, say their friend, Bill, hogs all of his own toys whenever they play together.
One solution may be to stop playing with Bill for a while in order to teach him a lesson.
They may not like doing this at first, so explain how it will make Bill realize that refusing to share has consequences in the long run. , Appreciate the fact that they are too young to take this one talk to heart right away.
Expect them to backslide and tattle afterward.
When they do, resist the urge to get mad.
Pull them aside later on and ask them in a friendly, concerned way if they remembered this talk.
Then offer possible ways that the two of you could have resolved this last instance on your own.
Let's say they snitched on you for coming home late after hanging out with your friends:
First, ask them if anyone got hurt because of it.
When they say no, reiterate how this means that “coming home late” isn’t something to run to Mom or Dad about.
Then explain how, if the two of you had agreed to keep it to yourselves, you would also feel obligated to keep your mouth if you caught them doing something wrong.
About the Author
Bryan Kelly
Bryan Kelly specializes in digital media and internet and has been creating helpful content for over 3 years. Bryan is committed to helping readers learn new skills and improve their lives.
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