How to Deal with Backhanded Compliments About Your Parenting
Recognize a backhanded compliment., Determine if you think the compliment is sincere or not., Evaluate compliments from family members.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Recognize a backhanded compliment.
Backhanded compliments are intentionally worded in a way to confuse the inattentive listener.
The person delivering a backhanded compliment will open with a statement that seems positive or generous, and then twist its meaning or add phrase at the end that effectively changes the statement into an insult.For example:
If someone says, “I love what your child is wearing today; it’s as if she dresses herself!” they may be saying that your child’s clothes are mismatched or poorly selected. -
Step 2: Determine if you think the compliment is sincere or not.
Before taking offense, consider the person’s compliment: it may have been genuine, and you don’t want to react poorly in this case.
Everyone has a different sense of humor, and some people may come across as sarcastic while being sincere.For example, if someone tells you, “You made some interesting choices when choosing your children’s names,” you could hear the statement as a backhanded, sarcastic compliment that’s criticizing the names.
However, the compliment could have been intended as a sincere and well-meaning statement.If you have a relationship with the person in question—for example, a family member, friend, or work colleague—you may be better able to gauge their level of sincerity.
This will be more challenging with a stranger, whose opinions and sense of humor you’ll likely be unfamiliar with. , Family members are likely the people who are closest to you and have known you the longest; as such, it may be easier to evaluate their compliments since you’ll be familiar with the individual tastes and senses of humor.
Family members—especially ones near your age, such as siblings and cousins—may also be more inclined to tease you good-naturedly, meaning that backhanded compliments may be meant only as an affectionate jest.
For example, a close family member commenting “You look well rested, for being a new parent,” could be a harmless joke.That said, if you’re offended by this type of comment, politely let the family member know that you don’t appreciate that type of humor. -
Step 3: Evaluate compliments from family members.
Detailed Guide
Backhanded compliments are intentionally worded in a way to confuse the inattentive listener.
The person delivering a backhanded compliment will open with a statement that seems positive or generous, and then twist its meaning or add phrase at the end that effectively changes the statement into an insult.For example:
If someone says, “I love what your child is wearing today; it’s as if she dresses herself!” they may be saying that your child’s clothes are mismatched or poorly selected.
Before taking offense, consider the person’s compliment: it may have been genuine, and you don’t want to react poorly in this case.
Everyone has a different sense of humor, and some people may come across as sarcastic while being sincere.For example, if someone tells you, “You made some interesting choices when choosing your children’s names,” you could hear the statement as a backhanded, sarcastic compliment that’s criticizing the names.
However, the compliment could have been intended as a sincere and well-meaning statement.If you have a relationship with the person in question—for example, a family member, friend, or work colleague—you may be better able to gauge their level of sincerity.
This will be more challenging with a stranger, whose opinions and sense of humor you’ll likely be unfamiliar with. , Family members are likely the people who are closest to you and have known you the longest; as such, it may be easier to evaluate their compliments since you’ll be familiar with the individual tastes and senses of humor.
Family members—especially ones near your age, such as siblings and cousins—may also be more inclined to tease you good-naturedly, meaning that backhanded compliments may be meant only as an affectionate jest.
For example, a close family member commenting “You look well rested, for being a new parent,” could be a harmless joke.That said, if you’re offended by this type of comment, politely let the family member know that you don’t appreciate that type of humor.
About the Author
Isabella Long
Brings years of experience writing about crafts and related subjects.
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