How to Deal With Emotional Abuse from Your Parents (for Adolescents)
Find safe places in your home., Go to a safe place outside your home., Remain calm., Recognize abusive patterns., Confide in someone you trust., Talk to a counselor., Report to an adult in authority., Attend a support group., Talk about it with your...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Find safe places in your home.
If you feel threatened or upset with your parent, find places within your own home where you feel safe.
Common spaces may feel less safe, so go to your room if you can be alone.
Lock the door if necessary.
You may want to go to the bathroom if you share a room, or to another private area of the house to avoid abuse.
Look around for safe spaces within your own home.
If one doesn’t work, try and find another one.
If at any point you fear for your safety, call emergency services or someone who can help you, like a friend or friend’s parent. -
Step 2: Go to a safe place outside your home.
Find places outside of your home that feel safe.
This might be your friend’s house, a basketball court, or skate park.
Get involved in activities at school so that you can spend more time away from home.
Join after-school clubs or sports teams. , If being around your parent makes you feel anxious or angry, try and find some calm.
If you feel uncomfortable at your own home, it’s important to find ways to experience peace, even if it’s just for short periods of time.
Try taking some deep breaths.
Breathe from your belly (not your chest) and extend the length each breath.
Take a few cycles of deep breathing to help you calm down.You can’t respond well if you’re panicking or anxious.
If you need to get help or find a solution, take some deep breaths before you make a plan. , If you know your parent is abusive when they drink or they say demeaning things when relatives are around, try and avoid these situations.
While this can be difficult when you live in your parent’s house, notice if they get agitated or begin saying hurtful things.
Find an excuse to get out of there.Try your best to avoid them if possible.
If they have a daily schedule, know it and try your best not to be in the same area as them if you can. , You don’t have to suffer alone.
It can be relieving you have someone to confide in without worrying that your parent will find or get you into trouble.
The abuse at home doesn’t have to remain a secret, even if your parents tell you not to tell.Find a friend you can trust or a coach or mentor. , Talk to your school counselor or see about getting a therapist.
It can be helpful to talk to someone who specializes in helping teens.A counselor can help you understand the abuse and find ways to respond or avoid it.
They can also intervene (with either your parents or the police) if necessary.
A counselor is trained to support you and help you cope with your problems.
Don’t be afraid to open up or tell them the truth. , If you feel like you’re in danger or cannot take it any longer, tell an adult who’s in authority.
This might be a teacher, school counselor, physician or pediatrician, nurse, child care provider, or law enforcement officer.
These people are required to report suspected abuse to welfare services to be investigated.
Telling one of these people means that someone will likely come and investigate.Making a report is serious.
It could result in you living with someone other than your parent, such as a relative. , Some support groups exist to help kids and teens deal with and recover from abuse at home.You might want to talk to a school counselor or therapist about finding a group you can join.
It can help to meet others kids or teens who also have experienced emotional abuse to feel less alone.
A support group can help you feel supported in expressing your experiences without judgment.
The other teens can give you advice and help when you need it. , Depending on the type of abuse happening, you may be able to say something to your parents.
Be clear in what you say and if possible, include examples.
Avoid being abusive back to them by name-calling, yelling, or screaming.
Instead, talk about your experience and how it affects you.For example, you might say, “I don’t know if you’re aware of how mean you get when you drink” or, “It doesn’t feel right to feel so humiliated.
I don’t want to feel this way.
Please speak more kindly to me.” , It can be scary to stand up for yourself, but it abuse may never stop if you don’t say something.
When your parent says something abusive to you or uses the silent treatment, calmly say what you want to or need to say.For example, say, “I know you don’t think I’m doing well in school, but there’s no need to call me names or make me feel bad.
I am working hard.” You can also say, “I know you’re mad at me, but we need to talk about it.
I want to resolve this instead of ignore it.” Always prioritize your safety.
If you don't feel safe standing up for yourself or you think your parents might get violent with you, this might not be the best approach. , You may want to talk about how the abuse makes you feel.
For example, if you feel worthless or hopeless, express these things.
They may not even know you feel this way or how their words affect you.
You can have a discussion with your parents or respond after they make a comment.
When you express yourself, use “I” statements and don’t point the finger back at them.For example, say, “I don’t like feeling blamed.
Please don’t put that on me.” Say, “ I feel so much pressure all around me and I can’t handle it.
I feel sad that I can’t please you even though I want to.” , Make sure there are people in your life who lift you up.
These might be sports teammates, club members, or other friends at school or in your neighborhood.
Choose people you can count on to be there for you and support you.
When you need a friend or a listening ear, count on these people.In addition to peers, you can also include adults or mentors as part of your support. , If you’ve dealt with your parent’s emotional abuse for years, it may take a toll on you and your own emotional health.
Often, emotional abuse results in feeling bad about yourself or feeling worthless or unlovable.None of these things are true.
To raise your self-esteem, notice your negative thoughts and try thinking more positively about yourself.
Any time you catch yourself in a negative thought, try to come up with a positive thought about yourself.Try regularly doing things you enjoy.
Maybe you enjoy sports, reading, dancing, or listening to music.
Do more of these things. , Even if your parents treat you poorly, you might still want to protect them by not telling anyone about the abuse.
Maybe parts of you hate your parents and parts of you love them.
It’s normal to have conflicting feelings, especially about your parents.
However, this shouldn’t stop you from getting help or talking about it with someone you trust.
You can still care about your parent and get help.
There may days you love your parents and days you hate them.
Talk to someone about your feelings and know that it’s okay to feel this way. , It is important to identify the things that help you express your emotions or take your mind off your pain.
Try expressive activities such as writing, drawing, or singing.
These activities should help you feel better and more at ease.Try doing relaxing activities, such as yoga or meditation. , Journaling is a great way to understand and express your emotions.
It can be confusing and difficult to deal with emotional abuse, especially if it happens in your own home.
Perhaps you want to talk about it with someone but don’t know what to say.
Keeping a journal can help you clarify your thoughts and feelings, understand yourself better, and identify what’s going on.If you’re using a journal in your healing process, it can help to know the various steps of your journey along the way.
If you talk about your parents in your journal, keep your journal in a safe place where it won’t be found.
You might even want to use code words if you do fear it being found. -
Step 3: Remain calm.
-
Step 4: Recognize abusive patterns.
-
Step 5: Confide in someone you trust.
-
Step 6: Talk to a counselor.
-
Step 7: Report to an adult in authority.
-
Step 8: Attend a support group.
-
Step 9: Talk about it with your parents.
-
Step 10: Stand up for yourself.
-
Step 11: Express your emotions.
-
Step 12: Surround yourself with supportive people.
-
Step 13: Build your self-esteem.
-
Step 14: Know that it’s okay to have conflicting feelings.
-
Step 15: Find coping resources.
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Step 16: Keep a journal.
Detailed Guide
If you feel threatened or upset with your parent, find places within your own home where you feel safe.
Common spaces may feel less safe, so go to your room if you can be alone.
Lock the door if necessary.
You may want to go to the bathroom if you share a room, or to another private area of the house to avoid abuse.
Look around for safe spaces within your own home.
If one doesn’t work, try and find another one.
If at any point you fear for your safety, call emergency services or someone who can help you, like a friend or friend’s parent.
Find places outside of your home that feel safe.
This might be your friend’s house, a basketball court, or skate park.
Get involved in activities at school so that you can spend more time away from home.
Join after-school clubs or sports teams. , If being around your parent makes you feel anxious or angry, try and find some calm.
If you feel uncomfortable at your own home, it’s important to find ways to experience peace, even if it’s just for short periods of time.
Try taking some deep breaths.
Breathe from your belly (not your chest) and extend the length each breath.
Take a few cycles of deep breathing to help you calm down.You can’t respond well if you’re panicking or anxious.
If you need to get help or find a solution, take some deep breaths before you make a plan. , If you know your parent is abusive when they drink or they say demeaning things when relatives are around, try and avoid these situations.
While this can be difficult when you live in your parent’s house, notice if they get agitated or begin saying hurtful things.
Find an excuse to get out of there.Try your best to avoid them if possible.
If they have a daily schedule, know it and try your best not to be in the same area as them if you can. , You don’t have to suffer alone.
It can be relieving you have someone to confide in without worrying that your parent will find or get you into trouble.
The abuse at home doesn’t have to remain a secret, even if your parents tell you not to tell.Find a friend you can trust or a coach or mentor. , Talk to your school counselor or see about getting a therapist.
It can be helpful to talk to someone who specializes in helping teens.A counselor can help you understand the abuse and find ways to respond or avoid it.
They can also intervene (with either your parents or the police) if necessary.
A counselor is trained to support you and help you cope with your problems.
Don’t be afraid to open up or tell them the truth. , If you feel like you’re in danger or cannot take it any longer, tell an adult who’s in authority.
This might be a teacher, school counselor, physician or pediatrician, nurse, child care provider, or law enforcement officer.
These people are required to report suspected abuse to welfare services to be investigated.
Telling one of these people means that someone will likely come and investigate.Making a report is serious.
It could result in you living with someone other than your parent, such as a relative. , Some support groups exist to help kids and teens deal with and recover from abuse at home.You might want to talk to a school counselor or therapist about finding a group you can join.
It can help to meet others kids or teens who also have experienced emotional abuse to feel less alone.
A support group can help you feel supported in expressing your experiences without judgment.
The other teens can give you advice and help when you need it. , Depending on the type of abuse happening, you may be able to say something to your parents.
Be clear in what you say and if possible, include examples.
Avoid being abusive back to them by name-calling, yelling, or screaming.
Instead, talk about your experience and how it affects you.For example, you might say, “I don’t know if you’re aware of how mean you get when you drink” or, “It doesn’t feel right to feel so humiliated.
I don’t want to feel this way.
Please speak more kindly to me.” , It can be scary to stand up for yourself, but it abuse may never stop if you don’t say something.
When your parent says something abusive to you or uses the silent treatment, calmly say what you want to or need to say.For example, say, “I know you don’t think I’m doing well in school, but there’s no need to call me names or make me feel bad.
I am working hard.” You can also say, “I know you’re mad at me, but we need to talk about it.
I want to resolve this instead of ignore it.” Always prioritize your safety.
If you don't feel safe standing up for yourself or you think your parents might get violent with you, this might not be the best approach. , You may want to talk about how the abuse makes you feel.
For example, if you feel worthless or hopeless, express these things.
They may not even know you feel this way or how their words affect you.
You can have a discussion with your parents or respond after they make a comment.
When you express yourself, use “I” statements and don’t point the finger back at them.For example, say, “I don’t like feeling blamed.
Please don’t put that on me.” Say, “ I feel so much pressure all around me and I can’t handle it.
I feel sad that I can’t please you even though I want to.” , Make sure there are people in your life who lift you up.
These might be sports teammates, club members, or other friends at school or in your neighborhood.
Choose people you can count on to be there for you and support you.
When you need a friend or a listening ear, count on these people.In addition to peers, you can also include adults or mentors as part of your support. , If you’ve dealt with your parent’s emotional abuse for years, it may take a toll on you and your own emotional health.
Often, emotional abuse results in feeling bad about yourself or feeling worthless or unlovable.None of these things are true.
To raise your self-esteem, notice your negative thoughts and try thinking more positively about yourself.
Any time you catch yourself in a negative thought, try to come up with a positive thought about yourself.Try regularly doing things you enjoy.
Maybe you enjoy sports, reading, dancing, or listening to music.
Do more of these things. , Even if your parents treat you poorly, you might still want to protect them by not telling anyone about the abuse.
Maybe parts of you hate your parents and parts of you love them.
It’s normal to have conflicting feelings, especially about your parents.
However, this shouldn’t stop you from getting help or talking about it with someone you trust.
You can still care about your parent and get help.
There may days you love your parents and days you hate them.
Talk to someone about your feelings and know that it’s okay to feel this way. , It is important to identify the things that help you express your emotions or take your mind off your pain.
Try expressive activities such as writing, drawing, or singing.
These activities should help you feel better and more at ease.Try doing relaxing activities, such as yoga or meditation. , Journaling is a great way to understand and express your emotions.
It can be confusing and difficult to deal with emotional abuse, especially if it happens in your own home.
Perhaps you want to talk about it with someone but don’t know what to say.
Keeping a journal can help you clarify your thoughts and feelings, understand yourself better, and identify what’s going on.If you’re using a journal in your healing process, it can help to know the various steps of your journey along the way.
If you talk about your parents in your journal, keep your journal in a safe place where it won’t be found.
You might even want to use code words if you do fear it being found.
About the Author
Nicholas Garcia
Nicholas Garcia has dedicated 3 years to mastering lifestyle and practical guides. As a content creator, Nicholas focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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