How to Deal With Getting Less Attention Than Your Siblings
Consider why your sibling might be getting extra attention., Avoid blaming your sibling., Enjoy your freedom., Ask your parents to spend time with you., Join in with chores and errands., Do chores, so that they have more free time., Get attention...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Consider why your sibling might be getting extra attention.
There may be a legitimate reason why your parent(s) or guardian(s) are spending so much time with your sibling.
Kids with disabilities (e.g. autism, ADHD, Down Syndrome) need extra support.
Your sibling has a hard time with many things, and they'll spend a lot of their childhood playing "catch up." Illness or personal crises may mean that a sibling needs extra help.
For example, if your sibling is having a major depressive episode, or their best friend died, they'll need a lot of emotional support.
Consider behavioral issues.
If your sibling is acting out, your parents will spend more time trying to make them stop. -
Step 2: Avoid blaming your sibling.
Just as you didn't choose to get less attention, they didn't choose to get more of it.
They may even wish they could have more freedom like you do.
Resenting your sibling can lead to a lot of stress for the both of you, so try to keep a good relationship. , If your parents are more focused on your sibling, it means that you have licence to do what you want.
Your parents may be less strict with you, and you'll have a lot of time to pursue your interests.
Work on your hobbies.
Read, dance, write, paint, play an instrument, or play sports.
Spend time with your friends.
Talk on the phone, text, and IM.
Get outdoors.
Taking a walk or hike, or exploring your town, can be fun. , If your parents are occupied, they might not realize that you want attention too.
The easiest way to let them know is to ask for it.
Ask them if they will go for a walk with you, sing with you, do your hair, toss around a football in the yard, et cetera.
If they say no, they aren't rejecting you.
It means they're too busy, or now is a bad time. , Your parents already have to spend time on these things, and you can get attention by doing it with them.
Fold laundry together, go to the store with them, pick up sticks in the lawn, help them make supper, and find more tasks to join them in.
It lets you get one-on-one time with them, and they'll think very highly of you for helping out. , If you do some of the work, your parents will have more time, and they can spend some of it with you.
For example, if you make macaroni for supper while they help your sister with her therapy homework, then they might have more free time after supper.
Try making explicit deals with them.
This way, you can plan for time with them for certain.
Say something like "If I handle the laundry today, would you have time to teach me about baseball?" Even if something big happens and they can't hang out with you, they'll remember the promise that they made.
Your parents will want to make it up to you. , Even if your parents are pretty busy, you might have a relative, coach, clergy member, friend's parent, or neighbor who can hang out.
They can give you some time and positive attention, and maybe teach you some things that they are good at. , Many of them are free to hang out.
You don't need to get attention only from adults.
Walk up to them, or pick up the phone, and ask if and when they are free to spend time with you. , If your family doesn't have a pet, you could look to friends' pets or neighbor pets.
Try becoming a dog walker, cat sitter, or volunteer at an animal shelter.
Animals can offer unconditional love and affection. , This will get you punished, not lead to more loving attention.
Don't assume that your parent(s) will read your mind and realize that you want affection.
Instead, you may get caught up in a trap of doing more and more drastic things for them to notice, and you could end up hurting yourself quite a bit. , It's okay to express your feelings and say that you want to spend more time with them.
Use "I" phrasing to talk about how you feel, without trying to place blame.
For example, "I know that because Kate is autistic, you need to spend lots of time with her.
Sometimes, I feel left out.
I want to spend time with you, but it always seems like you're busy." Work with them to find ways to make it easier.
They might have some ideas about how you can get more time with them. , Loneliness can be a difficult feeling, and if you are struggling to manage it, you can get help.
Here are some reasons you might want to talk to a counselor:
You don't know how to cope with your feelings You feel like acting out, or hurting yourself, to get attention (for example, restricting calories or causing trouble at school) You feel listless, and find it hard to enjoy anything Your parents aren't meeting your basic needs (food, water, shelter), or they are being very mean to you (humiliating, name-calling, etc.) -
Step 3: Enjoy your freedom.
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Step 4: Ask your parents to spend time with you.
-
Step 5: Join in with chores and errands.
-
Step 6: Do chores
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Step 7: so that they have more free time.
-
Step 8: Get attention from a mentor.
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Step 9: Look to your friends and your siblings.
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Step 10: Get attention from pets.
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Step 11: Never act out for attention.
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Step 12: Tell your parents that you feel left out.
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Step 13: Talk to a counselor if you are really having a hard time.
Detailed Guide
There may be a legitimate reason why your parent(s) or guardian(s) are spending so much time with your sibling.
Kids with disabilities (e.g. autism, ADHD, Down Syndrome) need extra support.
Your sibling has a hard time with many things, and they'll spend a lot of their childhood playing "catch up." Illness or personal crises may mean that a sibling needs extra help.
For example, if your sibling is having a major depressive episode, or their best friend died, they'll need a lot of emotional support.
Consider behavioral issues.
If your sibling is acting out, your parents will spend more time trying to make them stop.
Just as you didn't choose to get less attention, they didn't choose to get more of it.
They may even wish they could have more freedom like you do.
Resenting your sibling can lead to a lot of stress for the both of you, so try to keep a good relationship. , If your parents are more focused on your sibling, it means that you have licence to do what you want.
Your parents may be less strict with you, and you'll have a lot of time to pursue your interests.
Work on your hobbies.
Read, dance, write, paint, play an instrument, or play sports.
Spend time with your friends.
Talk on the phone, text, and IM.
Get outdoors.
Taking a walk or hike, or exploring your town, can be fun. , If your parents are occupied, they might not realize that you want attention too.
The easiest way to let them know is to ask for it.
Ask them if they will go for a walk with you, sing with you, do your hair, toss around a football in the yard, et cetera.
If they say no, they aren't rejecting you.
It means they're too busy, or now is a bad time. , Your parents already have to spend time on these things, and you can get attention by doing it with them.
Fold laundry together, go to the store with them, pick up sticks in the lawn, help them make supper, and find more tasks to join them in.
It lets you get one-on-one time with them, and they'll think very highly of you for helping out. , If you do some of the work, your parents will have more time, and they can spend some of it with you.
For example, if you make macaroni for supper while they help your sister with her therapy homework, then they might have more free time after supper.
Try making explicit deals with them.
This way, you can plan for time with them for certain.
Say something like "If I handle the laundry today, would you have time to teach me about baseball?" Even if something big happens and they can't hang out with you, they'll remember the promise that they made.
Your parents will want to make it up to you. , Even if your parents are pretty busy, you might have a relative, coach, clergy member, friend's parent, or neighbor who can hang out.
They can give you some time and positive attention, and maybe teach you some things that they are good at. , Many of them are free to hang out.
You don't need to get attention only from adults.
Walk up to them, or pick up the phone, and ask if and when they are free to spend time with you. , If your family doesn't have a pet, you could look to friends' pets or neighbor pets.
Try becoming a dog walker, cat sitter, or volunteer at an animal shelter.
Animals can offer unconditional love and affection. , This will get you punished, not lead to more loving attention.
Don't assume that your parent(s) will read your mind and realize that you want affection.
Instead, you may get caught up in a trap of doing more and more drastic things for them to notice, and you could end up hurting yourself quite a bit. , It's okay to express your feelings and say that you want to spend more time with them.
Use "I" phrasing to talk about how you feel, without trying to place blame.
For example, "I know that because Kate is autistic, you need to spend lots of time with her.
Sometimes, I feel left out.
I want to spend time with you, but it always seems like you're busy." Work with them to find ways to make it easier.
They might have some ideas about how you can get more time with them. , Loneliness can be a difficult feeling, and if you are struggling to manage it, you can get help.
Here are some reasons you might want to talk to a counselor:
You don't know how to cope with your feelings You feel like acting out, or hurting yourself, to get attention (for example, restricting calories or causing trouble at school) You feel listless, and find it hard to enjoy anything Your parents aren't meeting your basic needs (food, water, shelter), or they are being very mean to you (humiliating, name-calling, etc.)
About the Author
Patrick Phillips
Creates helpful guides on creative arts to inspire and educate readers.
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