How to Deal With Overprotective Parents
Pick a safe time and space., Use "I" statements., Communicate your needs and wants., Do not minimize your parents' perspectives.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Pick a safe time and space.
The first step to addressing overprotective parents is to have a frank conversation about your concerns.
To assure the talk goes as smooth as possible, pick a safe time and space to talk.
Choose a location where both you and your parents feel comfortable.
If you live at home, the living room or kitchen table might work.
If you've already moved out, choose a neutral location like a quiet coffee shop so no one has the home team advantage.Eliminate distractions.
Turn off the TV.
Put away your phone.
Do not choose a location that is noisy, like a bar or restaurant.
In order to have an effective conversation, distractions should be minimal.Pick a time where there aren't externally enforced restraints.
Do not choose right before work or bedtime, for example.
Select a timeframe where there's plenty of time to talk so all parties involved feel like they're saying their piece.
In the early evening, just after dinner, might be a good time. -
Step 2: Use "I" statements.
It's important to avoid blame when having a difficult discussion.
Try to use "I" statements.
That is, begin your sentences with the words "I feel" first.
This way, you're focusing on your own feelings and emotions rather than passing an objective judgment about the situation.
When communicating your feelings about the situation, make it apparent you're discussing your own perspective and not enforcing an objective assessment of the situation.
For example, do not say, "It's really overbearing when you guys check up on me every five minutes when I'm out with my friends." This will make your parents feel like you're ignoring their side and making assumptions about their actions.
Instead, say something like, "I feel stressed out when you guys call and text a lot when I'm out.
I feel like you don't trust me when you do things like that."
Remember, you cannot expect your parents to read your mind.
When having a difficult conversation, it's important to be as transparent as possible about your wants and needs.
Ideally, what would you like to come out of this conversation? Do you want your parents to, say, minimize how much they call when you go out? Ask fewer questions about your academic performance or career plans? How can your parents effectively back down? Think about what you want before beginning the conversation.
Have some concrete goals and needs to express to your parents.Express your goals in a way that is firm but non-judgmental and respectful.
For example, say something like, "I would really like it if you could give me some space when I'm out with my friends.
I don't mind following a curfew, but I would appreciate not having to answer texts and phone calls every half hour."Express appreciation for your parents.
The good news about over-protective parents is that they simply want to love and protect you, and they can learn to express their caring in a more productive way.
Let your parents know you appreciate that they love you and want the best for you. , While it can be very frustrating to deal with overprotective parents, you cannot minimize your parents' point of view.
If you're trying to have an honest, effective conversation, consider their perspective.
Feelings, especially feelings provoked by anxiety, are subjective.
While you may think it's unnecessary that your parents worry about a small cold turning into pneumonia, allow them to express this feeling without judgment.
Acknowledge that you understand they worry about you as their child.The key to understanding your parents is to identify why they feel the way they do.
Try to understand the issues driving their overprotective nature.
If they worry about your health, for example, did one or both of your parents lose a family member or friend to unexpected illness? Your parents likely have a very good reason for their fear, possibly based on their own experiences.
While it's important not to let your parents fear dictate your life, understanding the root of a fear can help you better address it in the future.For example, in Finding Nemo, the dad Marlin lost his entire family, his dear wife and all his children — all except one little egg.
As a result, Marlin is extremely overprotective of his only son, Nemo.
Marlin's traumatic past gives him an overwhelming fear of something bad happening to Nemo, so to be overprotective makes complete sense to him, even though it is ultimately not good for his son's development. -
Step 3: Communicate your needs and wants.
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Step 4: Do not minimize your parents' perspectives.
Detailed Guide
The first step to addressing overprotective parents is to have a frank conversation about your concerns.
To assure the talk goes as smooth as possible, pick a safe time and space to talk.
Choose a location where both you and your parents feel comfortable.
If you live at home, the living room or kitchen table might work.
If you've already moved out, choose a neutral location like a quiet coffee shop so no one has the home team advantage.Eliminate distractions.
Turn off the TV.
Put away your phone.
Do not choose a location that is noisy, like a bar or restaurant.
In order to have an effective conversation, distractions should be minimal.Pick a time where there aren't externally enforced restraints.
Do not choose right before work or bedtime, for example.
Select a timeframe where there's plenty of time to talk so all parties involved feel like they're saying their piece.
In the early evening, just after dinner, might be a good time.
It's important to avoid blame when having a difficult discussion.
Try to use "I" statements.
That is, begin your sentences with the words "I feel" first.
This way, you're focusing on your own feelings and emotions rather than passing an objective judgment about the situation.
When communicating your feelings about the situation, make it apparent you're discussing your own perspective and not enforcing an objective assessment of the situation.
For example, do not say, "It's really overbearing when you guys check up on me every five minutes when I'm out with my friends." This will make your parents feel like you're ignoring their side and making assumptions about their actions.
Instead, say something like, "I feel stressed out when you guys call and text a lot when I'm out.
I feel like you don't trust me when you do things like that."
Remember, you cannot expect your parents to read your mind.
When having a difficult conversation, it's important to be as transparent as possible about your wants and needs.
Ideally, what would you like to come out of this conversation? Do you want your parents to, say, minimize how much they call when you go out? Ask fewer questions about your academic performance or career plans? How can your parents effectively back down? Think about what you want before beginning the conversation.
Have some concrete goals and needs to express to your parents.Express your goals in a way that is firm but non-judgmental and respectful.
For example, say something like, "I would really like it if you could give me some space when I'm out with my friends.
I don't mind following a curfew, but I would appreciate not having to answer texts and phone calls every half hour."Express appreciation for your parents.
The good news about over-protective parents is that they simply want to love and protect you, and they can learn to express their caring in a more productive way.
Let your parents know you appreciate that they love you and want the best for you. , While it can be very frustrating to deal with overprotective parents, you cannot minimize your parents' point of view.
If you're trying to have an honest, effective conversation, consider their perspective.
Feelings, especially feelings provoked by anxiety, are subjective.
While you may think it's unnecessary that your parents worry about a small cold turning into pneumonia, allow them to express this feeling without judgment.
Acknowledge that you understand they worry about you as their child.The key to understanding your parents is to identify why they feel the way they do.
Try to understand the issues driving their overprotective nature.
If they worry about your health, for example, did one or both of your parents lose a family member or friend to unexpected illness? Your parents likely have a very good reason for their fear, possibly based on their own experiences.
While it's important not to let your parents fear dictate your life, understanding the root of a fear can help you better address it in the future.For example, in Finding Nemo, the dad Marlin lost his entire family, his dear wife and all his children — all except one little egg.
As a result, Marlin is extremely overprotective of his only son, Nemo.
Marlin's traumatic past gives him an overwhelming fear of something bad happening to Nemo, so to be overprotective makes complete sense to him, even though it is ultimately not good for his son's development.
About the Author
Rebecca Gibson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical DIY projects knowledge.
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