How to Deal with Parents Fighting All the Time
Don't jump to conclusions., Stay out of it., Do something fun or calming., Intervene only if necessary., Take care of the basics., Talk to people you trust., Remember it's not your fault., Don't take drugs., Make a plan to talk to your parents...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don't jump to conclusions.
Sometimes parents can disagree calmly, and let each other speak without yelling or interrupting.
But even if things get heated, it might just be a rough patch that they'll figure out.
If your parents apologize and things get back to normal, it might not be anything to worry about. , Don't try to referee or fix things.
It's not your fault, and it's up to adults to solve their own relationship problems.
They'll probably work it out soon.
If you start getting stressed out, take some deep breaths and find something else to do.
Take a walk, do some chores, watch a movie or call a friend.
If someone might be in immediate danger, don't be afraid to call a trusted adult or the police., Leave the room or the house if you can.
Try listening to your favorite music, doing a craft or going out with friends.
Do something that helps you get out your frustration or anxiety or forget about it for a little while.Spending time with friends, even if you don't want to talk about what's worrying you, can be a great outlet.
Exercise or a brisk walk helps work out frustration and makes you feel better.
Or just put on your headphones and dance to your favorite song.
Playing with or cuddling a favorite pet can help you stay calm and reduce stress.
Writing in a journal or private blog is a great way to work out how you're feeling., If any of these things happen, it's a sign that the people fighting need some outside help, from a therapist, a doctor or a helpline.
It's not normal or healthy if a parent: threatens to hurt someone destroys property threatens to commit suicide threatens to leave the other parent or family threatens to report the other parent to authorities , Make sure you're getting enough sleep, drinking and eating when you should, and doing your homework.
If you're having trouble with any of those things, talk to a trusted adult., Close friends, siblings or relatives close to your age can be really helpful.
But sometimes it helps to have an adult to talk to.
A trusted teacher, a close relative, a religious leader or the guidance counselor are all good options., Even if your parents are fighting over something that involves you, you didn't cause them to fight.
You're also not responsible for fixing it, and you can't fix it by being a "better" child.You may want see a therapist or counselor to talk to about your feelings.
Short-term counseling can be help you deal with difficult situations., Nicotine, alcohol, marijuana and illegal substances are not a good way to cope with stress, and they have especially negative effects on young brains.
In the end, it would just make things worse., It can help to get things out in the open and share how you're feeling.
When everyone is together and calm, ask if they're willing to talk to you.
Find a comfortable spot and a specific time ("Let's meet in the family room at 7 p.m.")Think about what you want to say ahead of time, and write ideas down to help you stay focused., It's okay to stop for a little while if things get too emotional.
You can always take a break and try again later or another day.
If tensions seem high, take a deep breath, suggest a water break, or tell a joke (but know your audience and whether they think it will be funny or not)., This probably won't be a one-time conversation and you may think of more things to talk about or share later.
It can take some time for communication to improve.
At the end of your talk, ask if your parents will talk to you again in a few days or a week., It's not your fault that they're fighting, and it's not your responsibility to fix.
Remember that parents are human just like anyone else, and they are the only ones responsible for their own behavior. , Be honest but don't attack them.
It can be helpful to write down some notes if you tend to freeze up.
Use "I statements" like "when you yell at each other, it makes me feel sad and angry".If it feels too overwhelming to do on your own, talk about it with a trusted adult and ask for their help. , If your discussion goes well, ask if your parents have thought about seeing a counselor or therapist.
With time and some work, professionals can help couples communicate better. -
Step 2: Stay out of it.
-
Step 3: Do something fun or calming.
-
Step 4: Intervene only if necessary.
-
Step 5: Take care of the basics.
-
Step 6: Talk to people you trust.
-
Step 7: Remember it's not your fault.
-
Step 8: Don't take drugs.
-
Step 9: Make a plan to talk to your parents.
-
Step 10: Remain calm.
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Step 11: Keep talking.
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Step 12: Don't try to solve their problems.
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Step 13: Tell them how their fighting makes you feel.
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Step 14: Ask them to talk to someone.
Detailed Guide
Sometimes parents can disagree calmly, and let each other speak without yelling or interrupting.
But even if things get heated, it might just be a rough patch that they'll figure out.
If your parents apologize and things get back to normal, it might not be anything to worry about. , Don't try to referee or fix things.
It's not your fault, and it's up to adults to solve their own relationship problems.
They'll probably work it out soon.
If you start getting stressed out, take some deep breaths and find something else to do.
Take a walk, do some chores, watch a movie or call a friend.
If someone might be in immediate danger, don't be afraid to call a trusted adult or the police., Leave the room or the house if you can.
Try listening to your favorite music, doing a craft or going out with friends.
Do something that helps you get out your frustration or anxiety or forget about it for a little while.Spending time with friends, even if you don't want to talk about what's worrying you, can be a great outlet.
Exercise or a brisk walk helps work out frustration and makes you feel better.
Or just put on your headphones and dance to your favorite song.
Playing with or cuddling a favorite pet can help you stay calm and reduce stress.
Writing in a journal or private blog is a great way to work out how you're feeling., If any of these things happen, it's a sign that the people fighting need some outside help, from a therapist, a doctor or a helpline.
It's not normal or healthy if a parent: threatens to hurt someone destroys property threatens to commit suicide threatens to leave the other parent or family threatens to report the other parent to authorities , Make sure you're getting enough sleep, drinking and eating when you should, and doing your homework.
If you're having trouble with any of those things, talk to a trusted adult., Close friends, siblings or relatives close to your age can be really helpful.
But sometimes it helps to have an adult to talk to.
A trusted teacher, a close relative, a religious leader or the guidance counselor are all good options., Even if your parents are fighting over something that involves you, you didn't cause them to fight.
You're also not responsible for fixing it, and you can't fix it by being a "better" child.You may want see a therapist or counselor to talk to about your feelings.
Short-term counseling can be help you deal with difficult situations., Nicotine, alcohol, marijuana and illegal substances are not a good way to cope with stress, and they have especially negative effects on young brains.
In the end, it would just make things worse., It can help to get things out in the open and share how you're feeling.
When everyone is together and calm, ask if they're willing to talk to you.
Find a comfortable spot and a specific time ("Let's meet in the family room at 7 p.m.")Think about what you want to say ahead of time, and write ideas down to help you stay focused., It's okay to stop for a little while if things get too emotional.
You can always take a break and try again later or another day.
If tensions seem high, take a deep breath, suggest a water break, or tell a joke (but know your audience and whether they think it will be funny or not)., This probably won't be a one-time conversation and you may think of more things to talk about or share later.
It can take some time for communication to improve.
At the end of your talk, ask if your parents will talk to you again in a few days or a week., It's not your fault that they're fighting, and it's not your responsibility to fix.
Remember that parents are human just like anyone else, and they are the only ones responsible for their own behavior. , Be honest but don't attack them.
It can be helpful to write down some notes if you tend to freeze up.
Use "I statements" like "when you yell at each other, it makes me feel sad and angry".If it feels too overwhelming to do on your own, talk about it with a trusted adult and ask for their help. , If your discussion goes well, ask if your parents have thought about seeing a counselor or therapist.
With time and some work, professionals can help couples communicate better.
About the Author
Deborah Ramos
Brings years of experience writing about lifestyle and related subjects.
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