How to Deal with Unbearable Family Members
Recognize that their bad mood may have nothing to do with you., Keep the conversations neutral., Redirect uncomfortable conversations., Find something to like about your unbearable family member., Reduce stress in the moment., Deal with stress in...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Recognize that their bad mood may have nothing to do with you.
It's not about you when someone says something mean in your general direction.
Some people are rude and negative to lots of people and family.
While that's no excuse for their bad behavior, it may give you peace of mind that not everything that makes someone upset has to do with you.
Some family members may be struggling with difficult situations, such as a loss of a family member or friend, a failing relationship, failing a class, losing a job, a recent move, not having enough money to pay the bills, or something else.
Others may have a long-standing history of depression, anxiety, or anger.
They may have difficulty with controlling their mood and regulating how they feel or communicate. -
Step 2: Keep the conversations neutral.
Sometimes relatives can become unbearable when the conversation turns to stressful or emotionally charged topics.
Religion, politics, and money can all lead to stressful and opinionated arguments.
Avoid the mess of trying to "win" an argument.Keep the conversation positive or neutral.
Don't start making accusations or bringing up negative things from the past. , For example, let's say you have an opinionated uncle who likes to talk about politics, and you differ in your opinion from him.
Maybe you're all seated for dinner, and he just wants to speak his mind.
Maybe he's offended a few people in the room.
Learning to redirect to a different and less emotionally charged topic will help you and everyone to keep the peace.
First attempt to redirect the topic to something else that your difficult family member enjoys, such as sports, movies, or TV.
Find a topic that your unbearable family member can have an interest in talking about without offending people.
Try something like: "All this talk of politics reminds me of a play I saw once...
Uncle Jerry, didn't you recently audition for a community play?" If your uncle is being blatantly rude, see if you or another person at the table would be willing to talk with him in the kitchen.
This will likely stop the conversation in its tracks. , Ultimately finding ways to connect with your family members rather than finding reasons to hate them will be more beneficial for everyone.
Identify at least one thing that makes this family member not-so-terrible.
It may be as simple as you like an outfit they're wearing or the type of food they like.
Say something like, "You look great in that sweater.
Where did you get it?" Or, "What did you think about the last Rolling Stones album?"
Some great stress-busters, like exercise, can help you calm down, but you may not always be able to go for a run or hit the gym every time you get annoyed with a family member.
Find ways to center yourself in the moment, such as deep breathing.
Take a deep breath, inhaling for five seconds and letting your belly fill with air.
Hold for a moment, then exhale slowly.
Do this several times and you will feel yourself begin to calm down.
Other ways to deal with the person in the moment include finding an excuse to leave the room, using distraction (TV, dog, food, etc.), and reducing stress with laughter. , While you can't control the actions of other people, you can do your best to keep your mind, body, and spirit in check.
Learn to cope with unbearable people by making sure to set aside time for yourself.
Consider these activities:
Exercise.
Go for a walk or run.
Get outdoors.
Take a hike.
Ride a bike.
Go to the gym.
Go for a swim.
Do something creative.
Write in a journal.
Play music.
Draw.
Build something.
Be with friends and your community.
Find group activities that interest you.
Meditate.
Do stretches.
Practice yoga. -
Step 3: Redirect uncomfortable conversations.
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Step 4: Find something to like about your unbearable family member.
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Step 5: Reduce stress in the moment.
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Step 6: Deal with stress in healthy ways.
Detailed Guide
It's not about you when someone says something mean in your general direction.
Some people are rude and negative to lots of people and family.
While that's no excuse for their bad behavior, it may give you peace of mind that not everything that makes someone upset has to do with you.
Some family members may be struggling with difficult situations, such as a loss of a family member or friend, a failing relationship, failing a class, losing a job, a recent move, not having enough money to pay the bills, or something else.
Others may have a long-standing history of depression, anxiety, or anger.
They may have difficulty with controlling their mood and regulating how they feel or communicate.
Sometimes relatives can become unbearable when the conversation turns to stressful or emotionally charged topics.
Religion, politics, and money can all lead to stressful and opinionated arguments.
Avoid the mess of trying to "win" an argument.Keep the conversation positive or neutral.
Don't start making accusations or bringing up negative things from the past. , For example, let's say you have an opinionated uncle who likes to talk about politics, and you differ in your opinion from him.
Maybe you're all seated for dinner, and he just wants to speak his mind.
Maybe he's offended a few people in the room.
Learning to redirect to a different and less emotionally charged topic will help you and everyone to keep the peace.
First attempt to redirect the topic to something else that your difficult family member enjoys, such as sports, movies, or TV.
Find a topic that your unbearable family member can have an interest in talking about without offending people.
Try something like: "All this talk of politics reminds me of a play I saw once...
Uncle Jerry, didn't you recently audition for a community play?" If your uncle is being blatantly rude, see if you or another person at the table would be willing to talk with him in the kitchen.
This will likely stop the conversation in its tracks. , Ultimately finding ways to connect with your family members rather than finding reasons to hate them will be more beneficial for everyone.
Identify at least one thing that makes this family member not-so-terrible.
It may be as simple as you like an outfit they're wearing or the type of food they like.
Say something like, "You look great in that sweater.
Where did you get it?" Or, "What did you think about the last Rolling Stones album?"
Some great stress-busters, like exercise, can help you calm down, but you may not always be able to go for a run or hit the gym every time you get annoyed with a family member.
Find ways to center yourself in the moment, such as deep breathing.
Take a deep breath, inhaling for five seconds and letting your belly fill with air.
Hold for a moment, then exhale slowly.
Do this several times and you will feel yourself begin to calm down.
Other ways to deal with the person in the moment include finding an excuse to leave the room, using distraction (TV, dog, food, etc.), and reducing stress with laughter. , While you can't control the actions of other people, you can do your best to keep your mind, body, and spirit in check.
Learn to cope with unbearable people by making sure to set aside time for yourself.
Consider these activities:
Exercise.
Go for a walk or run.
Get outdoors.
Take a hike.
Ride a bike.
Go to the gym.
Go for a swim.
Do something creative.
Write in a journal.
Play music.
Draw.
Build something.
Be with friends and your community.
Find group activities that interest you.
Meditate.
Do stretches.
Practice yoga.
About the Author
Pamela Foster
Brings years of experience writing about pet care and related subjects.
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