How to Discipline Kids While Promoting Positive Self‐Esteem
Measure effectiveness in the long-term., Help them learn from mistakes., Encourage problem-solving.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Measure effectiveness in the long-term.
Frame discipline for long-term changes in behavior.
For example, punishments often work in the short-term, but they don’t teach your child what to do the next time they are faced with a similar problem.
When providing discipline for your child, think about what can make a lasting impact on them to make better choices in the future.For example, you may want to spank your child or yell at them, but think about how this might affect them long-term.
This may make them fear you instead of learning from their mistakes.
Give them tools to succeed for next time, not a punishment.
If you are teaching your child not to hit, have them practice asking permission to touch others.
If they hit someone, talk about how hitting hurts other people and is mean.
Tell them to get an adult if someone hits them and not to hit back. -
Step 2: Help them learn from mistakes.
Teach your child how to respond differently for the next time.
Talk about how to control their behavior and manage their impulsivity.
Tell them what they did wrong and how they can approach similar situations in the future.
Be clear in explaining what they did that was harmful and why it was wrong.For example, say, “You hit your sister, and it’s not okay to hit.
That hurt her and she cried.
We want to be nice, so we do not hit.
If she does something you don’t like, work it out or come to an adult for help.” , Mistakes are great opportunities for your child to learn and gain problem-solving skills.
Explain what your child did that was wrong and ask them what they think an appropriate consequence might be.
Ask them what they can do for next time they are in a similar situation.
Hear them out and offer your suggestions once they are finished.Letting your child think through their consequences and further actions can help them think about what they did and how they can avoid it in the future.
Teach your child how to problem-solve and make decisions.
When you notice they’ve made a good decision, offer praise.Actively praising your child for what they do right is more important than correcting them for what they do wrong.
This will help to build up their self-esteem and encourage positive behavior.
For example, if a child kicks another child, say, “You really hurt that kid and now they feel sad.
What do you think you should do? Should you say something to them? What can you do or say?” Have them brainstorm some things to say or do.
Then, perhaps they can apologize and give the child a bandage.
Ask your child what they can do next time another child frustrates them. -
Step 3: Encourage problem-solving.
Detailed Guide
Frame discipline for long-term changes in behavior.
For example, punishments often work in the short-term, but they don’t teach your child what to do the next time they are faced with a similar problem.
When providing discipline for your child, think about what can make a lasting impact on them to make better choices in the future.For example, you may want to spank your child or yell at them, but think about how this might affect them long-term.
This may make them fear you instead of learning from their mistakes.
Give them tools to succeed for next time, not a punishment.
If you are teaching your child not to hit, have them practice asking permission to touch others.
If they hit someone, talk about how hitting hurts other people and is mean.
Tell them to get an adult if someone hits them and not to hit back.
Teach your child how to respond differently for the next time.
Talk about how to control their behavior and manage their impulsivity.
Tell them what they did wrong and how they can approach similar situations in the future.
Be clear in explaining what they did that was harmful and why it was wrong.For example, say, “You hit your sister, and it’s not okay to hit.
That hurt her and she cried.
We want to be nice, so we do not hit.
If she does something you don’t like, work it out or come to an adult for help.” , Mistakes are great opportunities for your child to learn and gain problem-solving skills.
Explain what your child did that was wrong and ask them what they think an appropriate consequence might be.
Ask them what they can do for next time they are in a similar situation.
Hear them out and offer your suggestions once they are finished.Letting your child think through their consequences and further actions can help them think about what they did and how they can avoid it in the future.
Teach your child how to problem-solve and make decisions.
When you notice they’ve made a good decision, offer praise.Actively praising your child for what they do right is more important than correcting them for what they do wrong.
This will help to build up their self-esteem and encourage positive behavior.
For example, if a child kicks another child, say, “You really hurt that kid and now they feel sad.
What do you think you should do? Should you say something to them? What can you do or say?” Have them brainstorm some things to say or do.
Then, perhaps they can apologize and give the child a bandage.
Ask your child what they can do next time another child frustrates them.
About the Author
Douglas Butler
Specializes in breaking down complex home improvement topics into simple steps.
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