How to Encourage Independence and Confidence in Children
Model independence., Teach your children that it is okay to be separate., Search for opportunities to show examples of your own individual small accomplishments.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Model independence.
In teaching your children independence, first remember to be independent yourself.
There is a healthy balance that is needed in all of your relationships that helps you to maintain your own independence and individuality.
If you are able to withstand being separate, your children will learn this from you.
Problems will arise if you are an overly intense parent or guardian.
For example, the so-called helicopter parent is one who cannot abide to be apart from the child but hovers over his or her every action, to "be there" and to "ensure safety".
This is often borne of one's own anxiety or worries, and will often require personal soul searching to overcome.
Children subjected to such parenting can grow up to be anxious and afraid of independence.
Do your best to manage your own fears and not pass them on to your children.
Look at what you're modeling to your children in your chief relationship with your spouse or partner.
Co-dependent, enmeshed or subservient behaviors with the other caregiver can send helpless signals to children, which can in turn teach them to be afraid of being separate too.
For the sake of yourself and the children, such behaviors need to be overcome. -
Step 2: Teach your children that it is okay to be separate.
Help your children to see that it's both acceptable and occasionally desirable to sometimes be alone, to peacefully disagree with another’s opinion, or to want personal time.
Aim to model healthy conflict in front of your children.
While yelling and blame have no part in child raising, arguing for something that matters in a calm and moderated manner is something every human being needs to learn as a useful skill.
And there will be times when you slip up––rather than pretending it never happened, always apologize.
If a child is old enough, also explain yourself. , An example could be something as simple as struggling to open a jar, but not giving up, and striving to get it open without any help.
Draw attention to the experience by saying such words as: “Look, mommy tried really hard, didn't give up and I did it!" Your children will then see that you try to accomplish things alone––and very often succeed.
Some children have a tendency to give up quickly.
It is even more important to model perseverance with such children, and to provide them with encouragement to keep trying.
Do not criticize their efforts; instead encourage their growth through repeated attempts.
Eventually success at a task will prevail, with repeated learning and your support.
When you do not succeed at something, model coping behavior––this is as important as the self-praise for success.
Teach them through your actions that failure is not only survivable, but a spur to doing something else or giving it yet another go based on the lessons learned.
Remind your children that if they ever feel they cannot do things alone, you are there and will assist them.
Remember though, this assistance can range from physical help to only offering verbal encouragement because you know that their particular task at hand is achievable and they will benefit greatly if they do it alone. -
Step 3: Search for opportunities to show examples of your own individual small accomplishments.
Detailed Guide
In teaching your children independence, first remember to be independent yourself.
There is a healthy balance that is needed in all of your relationships that helps you to maintain your own independence and individuality.
If you are able to withstand being separate, your children will learn this from you.
Problems will arise if you are an overly intense parent or guardian.
For example, the so-called helicopter parent is one who cannot abide to be apart from the child but hovers over his or her every action, to "be there" and to "ensure safety".
This is often borne of one's own anxiety or worries, and will often require personal soul searching to overcome.
Children subjected to such parenting can grow up to be anxious and afraid of independence.
Do your best to manage your own fears and not pass them on to your children.
Look at what you're modeling to your children in your chief relationship with your spouse or partner.
Co-dependent, enmeshed or subservient behaviors with the other caregiver can send helpless signals to children, which can in turn teach them to be afraid of being separate too.
For the sake of yourself and the children, such behaviors need to be overcome.
Help your children to see that it's both acceptable and occasionally desirable to sometimes be alone, to peacefully disagree with another’s opinion, or to want personal time.
Aim to model healthy conflict in front of your children.
While yelling and blame have no part in child raising, arguing for something that matters in a calm and moderated manner is something every human being needs to learn as a useful skill.
And there will be times when you slip up––rather than pretending it never happened, always apologize.
If a child is old enough, also explain yourself. , An example could be something as simple as struggling to open a jar, but not giving up, and striving to get it open without any help.
Draw attention to the experience by saying such words as: “Look, mommy tried really hard, didn't give up and I did it!" Your children will then see that you try to accomplish things alone––and very often succeed.
Some children have a tendency to give up quickly.
It is even more important to model perseverance with such children, and to provide them with encouragement to keep trying.
Do not criticize their efforts; instead encourage their growth through repeated attempts.
Eventually success at a task will prevail, with repeated learning and your support.
When you do not succeed at something, model coping behavior––this is as important as the self-praise for success.
Teach them through your actions that failure is not only survivable, but a spur to doing something else or giving it yet another go based on the lessons learned.
Remind your children that if they ever feel they cannot do things alone, you are there and will assist them.
Remember though, this assistance can range from physical help to only offering verbal encouragement because you know that their particular task at hand is achievable and they will benefit greatly if they do it alone.
About the Author
Joshua Wood
A passionate writer with expertise in hobbies topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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