How to Fight Feelings of Failure As a Mother
Acknowledge that you are human., Consider your childhood., Practice self-compassion., Shift your focus outside of yourself.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Acknowledge that you are human.
If you tend to criticize yourself often for mistakes you have made, then it may help you to consider that everyone makes mistakes.
It is just part of being human.Try telling yourself something like, “I am human and sometimes I make mistakes, but that is okay.
I can make some mistakes and still be a good mother.” You might also consider whether you are setting impossibly high standards for yourself as a mother.
For example, if you beat yourself up because you didn’t have time to pack lunch for your child and had to give them some money to buy lunch instead, then you may be setting unreasonable standards for yourself. -
Step 2: Consider your childhood.
Being self-critical is often something that develops in childhood, especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional environment.
Take some time to reflect on your childhood.
Was there any dysfunction in your household growing up? If so, how might this have affected your perception of yourself?Try writing about how some of your childhood experiences may have shaped the way that you treat yourself.
For example, if you grew up with an alcoholic parent or with a parent who never approved of anything you did, then this lack of positive reinforcement may have caused you to be highly self-critical.
By acknowledging some of the sources of your self-critical nature, you may be able to begin to let go of this attitude towards yourself. , Being kind to yourself is an important part of becoming less self-critical.
To begin practicing self-compassion, try to watch out for unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts and counter them with more realistic ones.
You can also look for ways to praise yourself and acknowledge your successes.For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I am a terrible mother,” then you might acknowledge that this is unhelpful and untrue.
Instead, you might say to yourself, “I have many good qualities.
I am kind, loving, and patient.
These are the qualities of a good mother.” You can also acknowledge what you do well on a daily basis.
For example, you might say to yourself, “My kids ate all of the healthy dinner I made them.
That was really great!” Or, “I read a bedtime story to my kids, which is a great way for us to bond.
Yay me!” , If you are caught up in thoughts of your inadequacy, then shifting your focus outside of yourself may also help.
Try calling up a friend and ask about her day, or ask your significant other to tell you about their day at work.Even reading a book or article may help you to stop focusing on yourself and stop the cycle of self-criticism. -
Step 3: Practice self-compassion.
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Step 4: Shift your focus outside of yourself.
Detailed Guide
If you tend to criticize yourself often for mistakes you have made, then it may help you to consider that everyone makes mistakes.
It is just part of being human.Try telling yourself something like, “I am human and sometimes I make mistakes, but that is okay.
I can make some mistakes and still be a good mother.” You might also consider whether you are setting impossibly high standards for yourself as a mother.
For example, if you beat yourself up because you didn’t have time to pack lunch for your child and had to give them some money to buy lunch instead, then you may be setting unreasonable standards for yourself.
Being self-critical is often something that develops in childhood, especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional environment.
Take some time to reflect on your childhood.
Was there any dysfunction in your household growing up? If so, how might this have affected your perception of yourself?Try writing about how some of your childhood experiences may have shaped the way that you treat yourself.
For example, if you grew up with an alcoholic parent or with a parent who never approved of anything you did, then this lack of positive reinforcement may have caused you to be highly self-critical.
By acknowledging some of the sources of your self-critical nature, you may be able to begin to let go of this attitude towards yourself. , Being kind to yourself is an important part of becoming less self-critical.
To begin practicing self-compassion, try to watch out for unhelpful and unrealistic thoughts and counter them with more realistic ones.
You can also look for ways to praise yourself and acknowledge your successes.For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I am a terrible mother,” then you might acknowledge that this is unhelpful and untrue.
Instead, you might say to yourself, “I have many good qualities.
I am kind, loving, and patient.
These are the qualities of a good mother.” You can also acknowledge what you do well on a daily basis.
For example, you might say to yourself, “My kids ate all of the healthy dinner I made them.
That was really great!” Or, “I read a bedtime story to my kids, which is a great way for us to bond.
Yay me!” , If you are caught up in thoughts of your inadequacy, then shifting your focus outside of yourself may also help.
Try calling up a friend and ask about her day, or ask your significant other to tell you about their day at work.Even reading a book or article may help you to stop focusing on yourself and stop the cycle of self-criticism.
About the Author
Susan Robinson
Susan Robinson is an experienced writer with over 9 years of expertise in lifestyle and practical guides. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Susan creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
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