How to Gently Influence Teenagers
Ask open-ended questions., Listen to your teen., Repeat or reflect back what they are saying., Express empathy.Empathy is the ability to understand your teen's experience from their perspective.Begin to show empathy by respecting the teen's...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Ask open-ended questions.
When trying to gently influence your teen it is important to keep communication open to better understand where they are coming from.
The best way to have open communication with your teen is to ask open-ended questions.Open-ended questions are questions in which the answer requires more than a simple “yes”,“no”, or one-word answer.This method allows for your teen to share as much detail as they feel comfortable with, while urging a longer response.
Try asking questions the following way.
Instead of asking, “How was your day?” say “Tell me about school today.” Ask them a question about their interests. “If you could be a professional athlete, what sport and team would you play for, and why?” Try asking “what would happen if” questions, such as “What would happen if you talked to the coach about it?” -
Step 2: Listen to your teen.
Another key to open communication is to listen to your teen.
Listen to their ideas, complaints, interests, and dreams.
Knowing your teen better helps you determine how to nudge them or gently influence their thoughts and behavior.
Having a better understanding of their experience, what they care about, and their hopes for the future, helps you give better suggestions specific to your teen.
Use this information to start gently making comments about how to proceed in the direction they're interested in.
Make eye contact to show your teen you are interested in what they have to say.If you are able, put away any distractions (such as your phone) and try to limit your multitasking (such as talking to them while making dinner).Avoid using your own experience as examples, or taking the "I am more experienced than you" approach.
It is likely your teen will react poorly or just stop listening. , To ensure you are hearing your teen correctly and to show them that you are listening, occasionally reflect back or repeat what they are telling you.This will help show your teen you are listening to them and that you are really trying to understand what they are going through.
Also, in doing this, you have to opportunity to gently influence better communication in your teen.
Show understanding and gently influence better communication by trying the following.Have them pause and repeat what they said directly back to them, “Hold on, I want to make sure I'm hearing you right.
You said you feel like the other girls in your class hate you because you answer the teachers questions?” Ask for some clarification if they have communicated part of the event but not everything. “Okay.
You talked about what happened, but how did it make you feel?” Offer some slight interpretation while gently influencing communication of their feelings. “From the way you are talking about it, it sounds like you are frustrated because you want to do well in class but also want to be liked by your classmates.” , Be there for the teen and express understanding for what they might be going through or how difficult it may be.
Showing empathy will help your teen feel like you are on their side and help them open up to your advice or suggestions.
Express empathy by doing the following.
Say supportive statements such as “It has to be really upsetting to work so hard at something and feel like you're still struggling.” Ask them to help you with empathy. “I know how I see it, but I want to understand what it is like for you.
Can you help me understand?” If they are upset about something that occurred, get upset with them (at least a little). “I can't believe they did that!” -
Step 3: Repeat or reflect back what they are saying.
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Step 4: Express empathy.Empathy is the ability to understand your teen's experience from their perspective.Begin to show empathy by respecting the teen's intelligence
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Step 5: and experience.
Detailed Guide
When trying to gently influence your teen it is important to keep communication open to better understand where they are coming from.
The best way to have open communication with your teen is to ask open-ended questions.Open-ended questions are questions in which the answer requires more than a simple “yes”,“no”, or one-word answer.This method allows for your teen to share as much detail as they feel comfortable with, while urging a longer response.
Try asking questions the following way.
Instead of asking, “How was your day?” say “Tell me about school today.” Ask them a question about their interests. “If you could be a professional athlete, what sport and team would you play for, and why?” Try asking “what would happen if” questions, such as “What would happen if you talked to the coach about it?”
Another key to open communication is to listen to your teen.
Listen to their ideas, complaints, interests, and dreams.
Knowing your teen better helps you determine how to nudge them or gently influence their thoughts and behavior.
Having a better understanding of their experience, what they care about, and their hopes for the future, helps you give better suggestions specific to your teen.
Use this information to start gently making comments about how to proceed in the direction they're interested in.
Make eye contact to show your teen you are interested in what they have to say.If you are able, put away any distractions (such as your phone) and try to limit your multitasking (such as talking to them while making dinner).Avoid using your own experience as examples, or taking the "I am more experienced than you" approach.
It is likely your teen will react poorly or just stop listening. , To ensure you are hearing your teen correctly and to show them that you are listening, occasionally reflect back or repeat what they are telling you.This will help show your teen you are listening to them and that you are really trying to understand what they are going through.
Also, in doing this, you have to opportunity to gently influence better communication in your teen.
Show understanding and gently influence better communication by trying the following.Have them pause and repeat what they said directly back to them, “Hold on, I want to make sure I'm hearing you right.
You said you feel like the other girls in your class hate you because you answer the teachers questions?” Ask for some clarification if they have communicated part of the event but not everything. “Okay.
You talked about what happened, but how did it make you feel?” Offer some slight interpretation while gently influencing communication of their feelings. “From the way you are talking about it, it sounds like you are frustrated because you want to do well in class but also want to be liked by your classmates.” , Be there for the teen and express understanding for what they might be going through or how difficult it may be.
Showing empathy will help your teen feel like you are on their side and help them open up to your advice or suggestions.
Express empathy by doing the following.
Say supportive statements such as “It has to be really upsetting to work so hard at something and feel like you're still struggling.” Ask them to help you with empathy. “I know how I see it, but I want to understand what it is like for you.
Can you help me understand?” If they are upset about something that occurred, get upset with them (at least a little). “I can't believe they did that!”
About the Author
Brian Shaw
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in organization and beyond.
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