How to Help a Teen Who Lost a Parent
Listen to the teen., Validate their feelings., Be aware of when the parent died., Understand the relationship the teen had with their parent., Allow them the space and time to grieve., Share a personal story of grief., Continue supporting them.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Listen to the teen.
The emotions associated with losing a parent can be very confusing.
Helping them feel heard and valued is the most important role that you can play.
Listen to their needs without judgment and try to meet them.If you are unsure how to help them, say something like “What can I do to support you?” -
Step 2: Validate their feelings.
Every death is different.
Some deaths are sudden.
Other deaths are long, drawn out processes.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way for a child to feel after their parent has died.
Avoid comparing their loss to any loss that you have experienced.
Try saying something like, “I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
I am so sorry that you have to experience it.” Avoid telling them to “get over it” or “move on with their life.” On the other side of things, if the child is doing okay, do not try to make it more of an issue than it is.
Let them guide you on how much they want to talk about it.
You do not want to traumatize someone who is actually doing okay by making a big deal out of the event and forcing them to regress. , Know if they died recently.
Find out if the death was sudden, or expected because of prolonged illness.
This will help you understand how long the teen has been grieving and how they are moving along in the grieving process. , Some teens adore their parents, others may have abusive or neglectful parents that they harbor harsh feelings toward.Even if the teen despised their parent, they will still need to grieve and cope after a death.
Understand that many teens who had harsh feelings toward their parents will regret not having a better relationship.
Keep this in mind and say things like “I know you may not have had the relationship you wanted with your parent(s), but it is clear that there was some love there and you should allow yourself some time to heal.” , Grieving is a natural process after a death but it may be a process that makes them uncomfortable.
The mourning process looks different on everyone.
Grief will change and take different forms throughout the teen’s life, but it will never end.
If they ask for space, let them have it.
Be there when they need you, but if you can tell that they are overwhelmed by your presence, give them time to process their feelings.Respect their privacy.
If the teen says that they need space, respect that.
Some people grieve privately instead of publicly.Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open.
You might say, "I'll wait for you to call if you need, but I'm always here."
Sharing your personal story will make you seem more human and authentic to a teen.
It may also help them to feel like discussing their grief is not a burden on your relationship.
Tell them about a hard time that you went through, especially if it relates to their age.If you had a close aunt or uncle (or a parent) die early in life, you can share that story with the teen you are mentoring. , Grief can persist long after the death of the parent.
The teen is likely to need your continued support throughout their teenage years and maybe into adulthood.
Be there when they need help and give them someone to lean on. -
Step 3: Be aware of when the parent died.
-
Step 4: Understand the relationship the teen had with their parent.
-
Step 5: Allow them the space and time to grieve.
-
Step 6: Share a personal story of grief.
-
Step 7: Continue supporting them.
Detailed Guide
The emotions associated with losing a parent can be very confusing.
Helping them feel heard and valued is the most important role that you can play.
Listen to their needs without judgment and try to meet them.If you are unsure how to help them, say something like “What can I do to support you?”
Every death is different.
Some deaths are sudden.
Other deaths are long, drawn out processes.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way for a child to feel after their parent has died.
Avoid comparing their loss to any loss that you have experienced.
Try saying something like, “I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
I am so sorry that you have to experience it.” Avoid telling them to “get over it” or “move on with their life.” On the other side of things, if the child is doing okay, do not try to make it more of an issue than it is.
Let them guide you on how much they want to talk about it.
You do not want to traumatize someone who is actually doing okay by making a big deal out of the event and forcing them to regress. , Know if they died recently.
Find out if the death was sudden, or expected because of prolonged illness.
This will help you understand how long the teen has been grieving and how they are moving along in the grieving process. , Some teens adore their parents, others may have abusive or neglectful parents that they harbor harsh feelings toward.Even if the teen despised their parent, they will still need to grieve and cope after a death.
Understand that many teens who had harsh feelings toward their parents will regret not having a better relationship.
Keep this in mind and say things like “I know you may not have had the relationship you wanted with your parent(s), but it is clear that there was some love there and you should allow yourself some time to heal.” , Grieving is a natural process after a death but it may be a process that makes them uncomfortable.
The mourning process looks different on everyone.
Grief will change and take different forms throughout the teen’s life, but it will never end.
If they ask for space, let them have it.
Be there when they need you, but if you can tell that they are overwhelmed by your presence, give them time to process their feelings.Respect their privacy.
If the teen says that they need space, respect that.
Some people grieve privately instead of publicly.Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open.
You might say, "I'll wait for you to call if you need, but I'm always here."
Sharing your personal story will make you seem more human and authentic to a teen.
It may also help them to feel like discussing their grief is not a burden on your relationship.
Tell them about a hard time that you went through, especially if it relates to their age.If you had a close aunt or uncle (or a parent) die early in life, you can share that story with the teen you are mentoring. , Grief can persist long after the death of the parent.
The teen is likely to need your continued support throughout their teenage years and maybe into adulthood.
Be there when they need help and give them someone to lean on.
About the Author
Janet Powell
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: