How to Help Your Child Make Friends

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Model good behavior for your child.

   Children look to their parents for guidance about how to behave in social situations.
   
   Modeling good social behavior when you interact with acquaintances, friends, family members, and other parents can help your children develop positive social skills.Look for similarities in your likes and dislikes.
   
   If you are just getting to know someone, pay attention to what the other person says he or she likes and point out similarities when appropriate.
   
   For example, if the person mentions that he or she enjoys swimming and you also like to swim, you might point this out.
   
   Be a good listener.
   
   Demonstrate active listening skills for your child by facing the person when he or she is speaking, making eye contact, not interrupting, and acknowledging what the other person has said by making neutral statements, such as “Yes,” “I see,” and “Uh-huh.”
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   Step 2: Foster empathy in your child.

   Empathy allows us to take the perspective of someone else and consider how that person might be feeling.
   
   This is an important skill for healthy friendships because it can help us to be more sensitive to our friends’ feelings and to respond in helpful ways.For example, having empathy can help your child to understand that a classmate who has just lost a pet must be feeling sad.
   
   This can help your child to know that she should be extra kind to the person to make her feel a bit better.
   
   You can help your child to develop empathy by asking her questions that encourage her to take the perspective of others.
   
   For example, if your child tells you that a classmate was not in school today because her dog died, then you might say, “That’s really sad.
   
   How do you think Susie must feel right now?” , You can also help your child develop good friend qualities by discussing those qualities with your child.
   
   Try asking your child questions to help her think about what he wants from his friends.For example, you might ask your child:
   What do you look for in a friend? What traits should a good friend have? What kind of behavior makes you want to be friends with someone? , Good conversation skills can help your child to make and keep friends, so you may want to spend some time coaching your child about how to talk to other kids.Some things you may want to teach your child about good conversation skills include:
   Starting a conversation.
   
   Give your child some tips on how to introduce himself to other kids.
   
   For example, you might advise your child to pay another child a compliment to break the ice, such as “I like your sneakers.” Or, “You’re really good at tetherball!” Asking questions to get to know someone.
   
   Explain to your child that sometimes you have to ask questions to get a conversation going.
   
   For example, you might advise your child to ask getting-to-know-you questions, such as, “What’s your name?” “What games do you like to play?” “What’s your favorite subject?” Finding similarities.
   
   Advise your child to listen and watch for similarities to make it easier to connect with other kids.
   
   For example, your child might notice that another child is wearing a t-shirt with a picture of his favorite cartoon character on it.
   
   Then, you child could approach the child, compliment the shirt, and mention that he also likes the character. , Giving your child advice about how to handle certain social situations can help your child to have better social interactions.If your child struggles to approach other kids or join in games, then she might benefit from some advice about how to join in and what to do if she is rejected.For example, if your child wants to join some other kids who are playing, you can advise your child to watch for a few minutes to see what the other kids are doing.
   
   Then, when she feels sure that she knows what is going on, she can go over and try to do something along the same lines as what the other kids are doing.
   
   You might also make sure that your child knows not to try to change or stop the game.
   
   Just try to join in with the game the other kids are playing.
   
   Tell your child that if the other kids don’t want her to play that she should just leave and find something else to do.
   
   Let your child know that trying to force yourself into a group will not work. , It is great to offer advice and to try to help your child, but keep in mind that sometimes your child will need to be left alone to try things our and learn from her own mistakes.
   
   Although it may be hard for you to see this happening, keep in mind that you can use these experiences as learning opportunities.For example, if your child has a negative social experience, you might say, “I noticed that the other kids got upset while you were playing with them.
   
   Do you know what they were upset about?” Or, “You did a really great job of sharing your toys with your friends, but I noticed that you did not let them play the way they wanted to play.
   
   Do you think that might have upset them a little?”
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   Step 3: Talk to your child about good friend qualities.

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   Step 4: Teach your child about good conversation skills.

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   Step 5: Give your child advice about social interactions.

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   Step 6: Allow your child to go it alone sometimes.

Detailed Guide

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