How to Help Your Child Stand Up to Bossy Friends

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Find out from your child which friend is bossing him or her around.

   You will want to know exactly what this friend is doing or saying to your child.
   
   Make sure that the other child is not just being helpful, and your child is misinterpreting the behavior as bossiness.
   
   However, given that children are fairly tolerant to a point, the chances are that your child is correct and he or she is actually being bossed around.
2. 2

   Step 2: Role play with your child.

   Have your child act the part of the bossy friend.
   
   In turn, take on the role yourself of acting the part of a child who stands up to the bossiness.
   
   Model through role-playing how you generally want your child to react to the bossy friend.
   
   For example:
   Suggest that the situation is one where the friend wants to go the beach but your child wants to stay and study.
   
   You could tell your child to act the part of the friend wanting to go to the beach during study time, while you play the role of the child resisting this offer.
   
   It might go something like this: "Let's go to the beach.
   
   Studying is so boring." "I'd love to go to the beach but not now/today.
   
   I have to complete my homework assignment tonight.
   
   If I don't get it finished, I will be under pressure from the teacher and likely I'll get a bad mark.
   
   I don't want a bad mark.
   
   Maybe we can go to the beach tomorrow instead." "You're stupid.
   
   The sun is out now, it will rain tomorrow.
   
   Why don't you do the homework when it rains?" "I don't like it when you suggest I am stupid.
   
   That makes me feel unhappy.
   
   I am going to do my homework now so that I don't feel pressured tomorrow.
   
   If it rains tomorrow, we can go to the beach on a day that it's not raining.
   
   And hey, I can help you finish your homework too if you like." And so on... , Either after or during the role play, stop and discuss what approaches are likely to work best.
   
   Does your child want to be very assertive or will your child feel more comfortably taking a softer approach? Through asking questions and seeing your child's reaction to the role play, you will likely quickly find out which approach would work best for this particular friend.
   
   Some people do not take others seriously unless they are being told something forcefully.
   
   Other people respond to a softer approach with listening and understanding, but a firm and no-nonsense behavior will sure work better.
   
   As you role play, your child will probably alert you to the other child's personality, by saying things like "But Shannon doesn't act like that" or "No, no, John would be yelling at me by now." Keep in mind the individual traits of the bossy friend.
   
   Help your child to formulate this knowledge in their own word choice and voice tone when confronting the bossy friend. , This can be a short speech which is memorized or just some key points.
   
   This way, your child will know the exact words he or she will say to the bossy friend.
   
   Your child may feel nervous when he or she confront the bossy friend, so knowing in advance what to say (or the general idea) is helpful. , Again, the role-playing is very helpful in clarifying the best responses, as well as giving your child the opportunity to rehearse.
   
   Once the exact approach (softly-softly or boldly-boldly) has been chosen and exact words have been written or memorized, you can model for your child how to put the two together.
   
   Then, have your child practice exactly what he or she will do and say to the bossy friend.
   
   Your child should practice until he or she feels completely comfortable. , Your child needs to decide if he or she will wait until the friend starts bossing, or if he or she wants to confront the friend up front, unprovoked.
   
   Should it be before or after school? Perhaps this bossy friend will be in a better mood to listen after lunch, although this assumption is taking too much for granted.The timing is an individual decision your child needs to make, along with feeling it's okay to be flexible about it if the first chosen time doesn't feel right. , While your child knows his or her friend best, your child may not know how the friend will respond.
   
   Even though your child has picked the best words and approach, the bossy friend may get angry or become even bossier.
   
   The bossy friend may also apologize and your child should be ready to accept the apology and move forward with the friendship.
   
   So, after the inescapable "confrontation"
   
   your child will have to take a stand and accordingly so will you, as a parent.
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   Step 3: Discuss different options and approaches your child can take with this friend.

4. 4

   Step 4: Help your child write down the words he or she wants to say to the bossy friend.

5. 5

   Step 5: Have your child rehearse which approach and words he or she will use when standing up for his or her preferences.

6. 6

   Step 6: Pick a time for the confrontation.

7. 7

   Step 7: Tell your child to be prepared for different reactions from the bossy friend.

Detailed Guide

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