How to Help Your Child when the Other Parent Is a Narcissist
Limit your contact with the narcissistic parent., Avoid badmouthing the other parent to the children., Provide consistent structure when you can., Model healthy communication., Refrain from shielding your child from the narcissist.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Limit your contact with the narcissistic parent.
If you and the narcissist have split up, your best option is to minimize your communication with your child’s parent.
Narcissists are generally high-conflict people.
To prevent exposing your child to a battle they can’t understand, limit interactions between you and the other parent as much as possible.
Speak to the narcissist only when absolutely necessary and keep the subject of your communications strictly related to parenting. -
Step 2: Avoid badmouthing the other parent to the children.
While dating or being married to a narcissist results in psychological damage, it’s not your place to enlighten your child about their parent’s negative traits.
As hard as it may be, try your best to speak highly (or not at all) about the other parent to your child.This goes beyond direct communication to family, friends, and the larger community.
Avoid talking negatively about the other parent to loved ones or acquaintances who might inadvertently spread the message back to your child.
Only discuss the woes of your relationship with your most trusted friends and family—far away from the listening ears of your child. , Narcissists may use their offspring simply for the purposes of boosting their own egos, which often breeds perfectionism and people-pleasing habits in children.
To counteract some of the emotional damage inflicted on your child by the narcissist, implement strong boundaries and consistent structure when they are in your care.
Set firm guidelines about the behavior you expect in your home, and discipline or reward accordingly.
If you say you will do something, follow through.
Help them learn a sense of responsibility in terms of their conduct, academics, chores, etc.
Teach them to share, take turns, and cope with unexpected change so that they understand the world does not revolve around them.
This is especially important if your child spends a lot of time around the narcissistic parent.
Reinforce positive rules and values so that they develop into stable, law-abiding citizens in society., Children of narcissists are subjected to guilt-tripping, bribery, and emotional manipulation of the highest degree.
Do your best to serve as a positive role model for communication.Practice active listening by letting them finish talking before sharing a response.
Make eye contact.
Talk to your child at an age-appropriate level.
Avoid labels like “bad” or “disrespectful.” Instead speak in terms of feelings like, “I feel disappointed because you didn’t turn in your school project.” Avoid criticizing your child.
Instead, explain your views and actions to them rationally.
Be clear and direct with your child rather than hiding behind an agenda or manipulating them.
As much as possible, answer your child’s questions honestly. , Emotional abuse is the narcissist’s weapon of choice.
Unless you are vying for full custody with no parental visits, it may be impossible to fully protect your child from their parent’s emotional games.
It may not be a good idea to try to "protect" your child anyway.
Doing so shields them from learning how to effectively interact with the narcissist.Instead of trying to protect your child from their emotions, simply strive to counteract any damage with structure, boundaries, and unconditional love.
However, you do want to ensure that your child is not in any danger while under the supervision of the narcissist.
Signs of child abuse or neglect may include:
Having unexplained injuries or bruises Wearing inappropriate clothing to cover up bruises Shying away from the abuser’s touch; flinching after sudden movements Being on alert Having poor hygiene Lacking any sort of bond with abuser Missing school or important engagements -
Step 3: Provide consistent structure when you can.
-
Step 4: Model healthy communication.
-
Step 5: Refrain from shielding your child from the narcissist.
Detailed Guide
If you and the narcissist have split up, your best option is to minimize your communication with your child’s parent.
Narcissists are generally high-conflict people.
To prevent exposing your child to a battle they can’t understand, limit interactions between you and the other parent as much as possible.
Speak to the narcissist only when absolutely necessary and keep the subject of your communications strictly related to parenting.
While dating or being married to a narcissist results in psychological damage, it’s not your place to enlighten your child about their parent’s negative traits.
As hard as it may be, try your best to speak highly (or not at all) about the other parent to your child.This goes beyond direct communication to family, friends, and the larger community.
Avoid talking negatively about the other parent to loved ones or acquaintances who might inadvertently spread the message back to your child.
Only discuss the woes of your relationship with your most trusted friends and family—far away from the listening ears of your child. , Narcissists may use their offspring simply for the purposes of boosting their own egos, which often breeds perfectionism and people-pleasing habits in children.
To counteract some of the emotional damage inflicted on your child by the narcissist, implement strong boundaries and consistent structure when they are in your care.
Set firm guidelines about the behavior you expect in your home, and discipline or reward accordingly.
If you say you will do something, follow through.
Help them learn a sense of responsibility in terms of their conduct, academics, chores, etc.
Teach them to share, take turns, and cope with unexpected change so that they understand the world does not revolve around them.
This is especially important if your child spends a lot of time around the narcissistic parent.
Reinforce positive rules and values so that they develop into stable, law-abiding citizens in society., Children of narcissists are subjected to guilt-tripping, bribery, and emotional manipulation of the highest degree.
Do your best to serve as a positive role model for communication.Practice active listening by letting them finish talking before sharing a response.
Make eye contact.
Talk to your child at an age-appropriate level.
Avoid labels like “bad” or “disrespectful.” Instead speak in terms of feelings like, “I feel disappointed because you didn’t turn in your school project.” Avoid criticizing your child.
Instead, explain your views and actions to them rationally.
Be clear and direct with your child rather than hiding behind an agenda or manipulating them.
As much as possible, answer your child’s questions honestly. , Emotional abuse is the narcissist’s weapon of choice.
Unless you are vying for full custody with no parental visits, it may be impossible to fully protect your child from their parent’s emotional games.
It may not be a good idea to try to "protect" your child anyway.
Doing so shields them from learning how to effectively interact with the narcissist.Instead of trying to protect your child from their emotions, simply strive to counteract any damage with structure, boundaries, and unconditional love.
However, you do want to ensure that your child is not in any danger while under the supervision of the narcissist.
Signs of child abuse or neglect may include:
Having unexplained injuries or bruises Wearing inappropriate clothing to cover up bruises Shying away from the abuser’s touch; flinching after sudden movements Being on alert Having poor hygiene Lacking any sort of bond with abuser Missing school or important engagements
About the Author
Karen Carter
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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