How to Maintain Boundaries with Family Living Nearby
Don’t feel obligated to attend every family event., Help out when you’re able to do so., Tell older family members when they are being too controlling.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don’t feel obligated to attend every family event.
The best part about living close to family is that you’re able to be a part of each other’s lives.
This includes attending meaningful events, such as birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, and soccer tournaments.
That said, it’s important to realize that you are not obligated to attend all of the events your family members invite you to.You don’t need a specific excuse either.
It’s totally fine to say something like, “I’m gonna head home and catch up on some rest tonight, but I’m looking forward to catching Jimmy’s match next week.” Understand that you might receive some backlash or a guilt trip when you decline.
Make your needs clear in a respectful manner and, if pressed, remind them that you don't need to justify yourself.
Many people experience feelings of guilt when they consider turning down family events.
Consider writing down your values (such as "self-care" or "maintaining balance in my life") and referring to this list when you begin to feel guilty.
Family, certainly, is one of your values, but reminding yourself of your other values may help. -
Step 2: Help out when you’re able to do so.
Another benefit of living near people you love and trust is the assistance that you can offer one another.
Even little things, like stopping by a relative’s after a snowstorm to help them clear the driveway, can go a long way.
At the same time, you are not obligated to do everything a family member asks of you.In fact, it’s worth remembering that helping someone too much can prevent them from taking care of themselves to their full ability.
Whatever your reason, of course, feel free to say something like, “I really can’t swing by right now.
If you’re still having trouble with your router this weekend, I can maybe come check it out on Saturday?” , Sometimes, your parents (or your in-laws) may believe they know better than you about something.
While people often continue to learn from their parents throughout their lives, there is also a point at which you are fully capable of making decisions on your own, especially regarding social boundaries.In short, don’t hesitate to reassure older relatives by saying something like, “I really do appreciate your desire to be involved in my life, but I’ve made up my mind.
It feels like you’re trying to control my life, and I do not need you to do so.” -
Step 3: Tell older family members when they are being too controlling.
Detailed Guide
The best part about living close to family is that you’re able to be a part of each other’s lives.
This includes attending meaningful events, such as birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, and soccer tournaments.
That said, it’s important to realize that you are not obligated to attend all of the events your family members invite you to.You don’t need a specific excuse either.
It’s totally fine to say something like, “I’m gonna head home and catch up on some rest tonight, but I’m looking forward to catching Jimmy’s match next week.” Understand that you might receive some backlash or a guilt trip when you decline.
Make your needs clear in a respectful manner and, if pressed, remind them that you don't need to justify yourself.
Many people experience feelings of guilt when they consider turning down family events.
Consider writing down your values (such as "self-care" or "maintaining balance in my life") and referring to this list when you begin to feel guilty.
Family, certainly, is one of your values, but reminding yourself of your other values may help.
Another benefit of living near people you love and trust is the assistance that you can offer one another.
Even little things, like stopping by a relative’s after a snowstorm to help them clear the driveway, can go a long way.
At the same time, you are not obligated to do everything a family member asks of you.In fact, it’s worth remembering that helping someone too much can prevent them from taking care of themselves to their full ability.
Whatever your reason, of course, feel free to say something like, “I really can’t swing by right now.
If you’re still having trouble with your router this weekend, I can maybe come check it out on Saturday?” , Sometimes, your parents (or your in-laws) may believe they know better than you about something.
While people often continue to learn from their parents throughout their lives, there is also a point at which you are fully capable of making decisions on your own, especially regarding social boundaries.In short, don’t hesitate to reassure older relatives by saying something like, “I really do appreciate your desire to be involved in my life, but I’ve made up my mind.
It feels like you’re trying to control my life, and I do not need you to do so.”
About the Author
Betty Howard
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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