How to Make a Child Feel Valued
Spend time together., Let the child know you love them., Have regular conversations., Encourage a child's conversation by using conversation extenders., Validate their feelings., Demonstrate respect for the child., Respect the child's abilities...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Spend time together.
This basic step is a building block for teaching a child to feel you value her as an individual.
Find ways to spend special time alone with your child.
This will foster respect and closeness, and allow you to learn more about what your child wants and needs.Activities you do with your child don't have to be complicated.
Time spent together can be as simple as taking a walk, sharing a picnic snack, or going together to a favorite spot.
Your child is more likely to approach you with their needs if they feel comfortable spending alone time with you. -
Step 2: Let the child know you love them.
Children need to be reassured that they are loved by the adults in their lives.
This love should not be based in conditions.
Remember that love is non-judgmental and unconditional.
Sometimes children of divorced parents need additional confirmation that they still have their parents' love.
While you may be proud of your child's achievements, make sure the child knows that you love them regardless of whether they bring home a perfect report card or not. , Talking to a child about daily activities allows them to know that you care about their life.
Having conversations with an adult may also give the child a positive sense of maturity.
Include a variety of questions to help support your conversation.Avoid rhetorical questions, which your child may not know how to interpret.
Instead, use open-ended questions as often as possible, which will allow the child to know that you're interested in what they have to say.
Open-ended questions usually start with Who, What, Where, When, Why, or How. , Children may not have the skills to express themselves without some help.
If you want a child to share her experience with you, help support her by asking questions like, "And then what happened?" or "Tell me more!"Inviting your child to continue to share about her experience will allow her to know you value her individual perspective.
The conversation extenders will also model for her ways in which she can ask for more information with a peer, another adult, or to increase her ability to articular her own experience. , Treat their emotions as important, even if you don't understand or agree.
This lets the child know that you think their perspective is important and worth listening to.
Make it clear that it's okay for them to feel the way they do.
You can validate their feelings while not doing what they want.
For example, "I know you don't want to take a bath.
It's lots of fun to play with dolls, and it's not fun to be told to stop.
You need a bath because it's important to stay clean.
You can choose the bath toys, and we can make lots of bubbles if you want."
When you listen to your child share the story of their day, or provide special time together, you're showing your child you respect them.
Don't rush them through their answers, or make them feel you're too busy for their attention.
To teach your child they're valued, allow them to feel that you prioritize time spent with them.Allow your child to answer questions for themselves.
Try to avoid "filling in the blanks" for your child in conversation.
For example, don't answer a question for your child, such as "No, Jack won't like popcorn.
He never likes popcorn!" Instead, turn to Jack and ask him, "Jack, your friend's mom wants to know if you want popcorn.
Do you?" Refraining from profanity, and not speaking rudely are other elements of respect. , Doing things for your child that they can do for themselves is suggesting that you doubt their capabilities.
Instead, make them feel that you value what they can do for themselves.
For example, rather than putting a coat on a 3-year old, allow her to take the time to do it for herself.Doing things for your child over time reinforce a sense of helplessness in the child's idea of themselves.
Remember that there are cultural differences in typical ideas of child development, and be mindful of respecting these differences.
For instance, some cultures teach the use of eating with silverware at a very young age, while others continue to eat with their hands. , Teaching independence means to allow for a higher possibility of mistakes.
This is a natural consequence of learning a new skill.
Because young children are concrete thinkers, learning the natural consequences that follow an action is an important part of their learning development.Showing your child that you trust them to make their own choices, and to learn from their mistakes, emphasizes that you value their independence.
Make sure that the consequences of their learning won't have overly detrimental affects on their physical or emotional safety.
For example, if your nephew is just learning to look both ways before crossing the street, you'll obviously want to protect him from busy intersections.
However, allowing him to practice independently looking both ways before crossing together with you is a good idea. , Allowing for your child to have genuine choices is an important part of letting them know you value their preferences.
The choices you provide should all be equally valid choices—that is, don't present choices that are impossible to meet, or which you're sure the child won't select.
Instead, present a range of options whenever possible.You don't want to overwhelm your child with choices.
Choosing from 2-3 options is generally enough.
For example, "Do you want corn or sweet potatoes with your ham?" Providing choices that you wouldn't choose yourself encourages independence in your child. , Your child is not a blank slate; they are a unique person with their own traits.
You can teach your child, but don't try to change them.
Instead, let them be who they are.
For example, if your son dislikes organized sports, don't force him into one.
Instead, let him choose a way to exercise that he enjoys.
Or if your little sister is autistic, don't tell her to hide her disability in public, and let her be herself. -
Step 3: Have regular conversations.
-
Step 4: Encourage a child's conversation by using conversation extenders.
-
Step 5: Validate their feelings.
-
Step 6: Demonstrate respect for the child.
-
Step 7: Respect the child's abilities.
-
Step 8: Allow the child to learn from their mistakes.
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Step 9: Give your children choices.
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Step 10: Respect their quirks and individuality.
Detailed Guide
This basic step is a building block for teaching a child to feel you value her as an individual.
Find ways to spend special time alone with your child.
This will foster respect and closeness, and allow you to learn more about what your child wants and needs.Activities you do with your child don't have to be complicated.
Time spent together can be as simple as taking a walk, sharing a picnic snack, or going together to a favorite spot.
Your child is more likely to approach you with their needs if they feel comfortable spending alone time with you.
Children need to be reassured that they are loved by the adults in their lives.
This love should not be based in conditions.
Remember that love is non-judgmental and unconditional.
Sometimes children of divorced parents need additional confirmation that they still have their parents' love.
While you may be proud of your child's achievements, make sure the child knows that you love them regardless of whether they bring home a perfect report card or not. , Talking to a child about daily activities allows them to know that you care about their life.
Having conversations with an adult may also give the child a positive sense of maturity.
Include a variety of questions to help support your conversation.Avoid rhetorical questions, which your child may not know how to interpret.
Instead, use open-ended questions as often as possible, which will allow the child to know that you're interested in what they have to say.
Open-ended questions usually start with Who, What, Where, When, Why, or How. , Children may not have the skills to express themselves without some help.
If you want a child to share her experience with you, help support her by asking questions like, "And then what happened?" or "Tell me more!"Inviting your child to continue to share about her experience will allow her to know you value her individual perspective.
The conversation extenders will also model for her ways in which she can ask for more information with a peer, another adult, or to increase her ability to articular her own experience. , Treat their emotions as important, even if you don't understand or agree.
This lets the child know that you think their perspective is important and worth listening to.
Make it clear that it's okay for them to feel the way they do.
You can validate their feelings while not doing what they want.
For example, "I know you don't want to take a bath.
It's lots of fun to play with dolls, and it's not fun to be told to stop.
You need a bath because it's important to stay clean.
You can choose the bath toys, and we can make lots of bubbles if you want."
When you listen to your child share the story of their day, or provide special time together, you're showing your child you respect them.
Don't rush them through their answers, or make them feel you're too busy for their attention.
To teach your child they're valued, allow them to feel that you prioritize time spent with them.Allow your child to answer questions for themselves.
Try to avoid "filling in the blanks" for your child in conversation.
For example, don't answer a question for your child, such as "No, Jack won't like popcorn.
He never likes popcorn!" Instead, turn to Jack and ask him, "Jack, your friend's mom wants to know if you want popcorn.
Do you?" Refraining from profanity, and not speaking rudely are other elements of respect. , Doing things for your child that they can do for themselves is suggesting that you doubt their capabilities.
Instead, make them feel that you value what they can do for themselves.
For example, rather than putting a coat on a 3-year old, allow her to take the time to do it for herself.Doing things for your child over time reinforce a sense of helplessness in the child's idea of themselves.
Remember that there are cultural differences in typical ideas of child development, and be mindful of respecting these differences.
For instance, some cultures teach the use of eating with silverware at a very young age, while others continue to eat with their hands. , Teaching independence means to allow for a higher possibility of mistakes.
This is a natural consequence of learning a new skill.
Because young children are concrete thinkers, learning the natural consequences that follow an action is an important part of their learning development.Showing your child that you trust them to make their own choices, and to learn from their mistakes, emphasizes that you value their independence.
Make sure that the consequences of their learning won't have overly detrimental affects on their physical or emotional safety.
For example, if your nephew is just learning to look both ways before crossing the street, you'll obviously want to protect him from busy intersections.
However, allowing him to practice independently looking both ways before crossing together with you is a good idea. , Allowing for your child to have genuine choices is an important part of letting them know you value their preferences.
The choices you provide should all be equally valid choices—that is, don't present choices that are impossible to meet, or which you're sure the child won't select.
Instead, present a range of options whenever possible.You don't want to overwhelm your child with choices.
Choosing from 2-3 options is generally enough.
For example, "Do you want corn or sweet potatoes with your ham?" Providing choices that you wouldn't choose yourself encourages independence in your child. , Your child is not a blank slate; they are a unique person with their own traits.
You can teach your child, but don't try to change them.
Instead, let them be who they are.
For example, if your son dislikes organized sports, don't force him into one.
Instead, let him choose a way to exercise that he enjoys.
Or if your little sister is autistic, don't tell her to hide her disability in public, and let her be herself.
About the Author
Emma Smith
Enthusiastic about teaching cooking techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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