How to Set Boundaries for Your Kids
Set clear rules and boundaries., Enforce your rules and boundaries., Be consistent., Act when boundaries have been crossed., Use clear, non-threatening body language., Reward good behavior.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Set clear rules and boundaries.
Make sure your kids know what the rules and boundaries are and that you will enforce rules you set.Start giving kids rules at a young age.
Have a clear bedtime that is non-negotiable when they are young.
Once they can understand rules, make it clear that your rules must be obeyed.
Consider having house rules.
Talk to your children about the rules of the house and consequences if those rules are broken.
Be explicit and direct about rules about things like bedtime, video games, and cleaning up after yourself.
Don’t assume they know all the rules about behavior.
Involve your kids in the setting of rules and boundaries.
Children will feel more ownership of rules if they helped develop them.
If you have older kids who are rebellious, sit them down and establish clear rules.
Even if you have not established rules before, it's important to be clear to them what's required as long as they live under your roof. -
Step 2: Enforce your rules and boundaries.
Rules are only good for managing behavior if they are followed.
Make sure that you are doling out consequences when rules are broken.
Don't be inconsistent with your consequences or threaten consequences that you cannot perform.
Consequences should be proportionate to the offense.
Children shouldn't be grounded for three weeks for not eating their vegetables.
Make sure the consequences are only as severe as the offense; otherwise, children may start rebelling from overly strict rules.
Consequences should also be consistent.
If the rules are explained fairly and directly to children, they should know what consequence to expect.
Rules that are not enforced every time appear to children like rules they do not have to follow.
Don't threaten consequences that you cannot or will not follow through on.
Children will begin to think that you will never punish them.
Be direct with consequences and always follow through. , Make sure your boundaries are regular and not arbitrary.
Children will notice if your rules seem to change or don’t always apply.
Keep the same rules all the time.
Children like consistency.
Important rules, especially those regarding behavior, should always be enforced so kids get used to them.
Don’t let your frustration get the better of you.
If you feel like you’re being inconsistent about the rules with your children, take a moment and think before you speak or act.
Be flexible.
Sometimes, you may adjust boundaries and rules depending on the situation.
Tell your children that this is an exception (like summer), but does not change any rules. , They must know you are serious about boundaries.
If they disobey, they should know there will be consequences.Give a warning.
If your children are not obeying your rules, warn them before doling out consequences for misbehavior.
Act clearly and decisively if any rules are broken again.
Don’t let your children get away with any rule-breaking, since they may not respect your boundaries.
Praise your children for things they are doing right.
Positive reinforcements often works better than negative reinforcement., Make sure your body language tells them that you love them, but still makes your expectations clear.
Remember how much bigger you are as an adult than a child so as to not scare them.
Maintain a neutral facial expression.
If you are talking to your child when they have crossed a boundary, don’t be angry or upset.
Be calm in voice, manner, and appearance.
Have open body language.
Don’t cross your arms or be closed off.
Make sure they know that you still care about them.
Get low next to them.
Avoid using your size or height, since that may intimidate the child.
Crouch down next to them while you’re talking to them.
Don’t ever be physical with a child if you’re angry.
Any physical actions you take should always be done after careful deliberation.
If you need to touch them to keep them safe, only do so enough until they can control their own movement and action. , Children often respond to rewards better than punishment.
Praise them for obeying boundaries.
Children like attention from adults.
Give them positive attention for the things they are doing right to encourage them to keep doing so in the future.
Set rewards ahead of time.
Make sure they know that their good behavior also has consequences.Don’t label children as “good” or “bad.” Let them know that their behavior is to be praised or blamed, but not them as people. -
Step 3: Be consistent.
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Step 4: Act when boundaries have been crossed.
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Step 5: Use clear
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Step 6: non-threatening body language.
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Step 7: Reward good behavior.
Detailed Guide
Make sure your kids know what the rules and boundaries are and that you will enforce rules you set.Start giving kids rules at a young age.
Have a clear bedtime that is non-negotiable when they are young.
Once they can understand rules, make it clear that your rules must be obeyed.
Consider having house rules.
Talk to your children about the rules of the house and consequences if those rules are broken.
Be explicit and direct about rules about things like bedtime, video games, and cleaning up after yourself.
Don’t assume they know all the rules about behavior.
Involve your kids in the setting of rules and boundaries.
Children will feel more ownership of rules if they helped develop them.
If you have older kids who are rebellious, sit them down and establish clear rules.
Even if you have not established rules before, it's important to be clear to them what's required as long as they live under your roof.
Rules are only good for managing behavior if they are followed.
Make sure that you are doling out consequences when rules are broken.
Don't be inconsistent with your consequences or threaten consequences that you cannot perform.
Consequences should be proportionate to the offense.
Children shouldn't be grounded for three weeks for not eating their vegetables.
Make sure the consequences are only as severe as the offense; otherwise, children may start rebelling from overly strict rules.
Consequences should also be consistent.
If the rules are explained fairly and directly to children, they should know what consequence to expect.
Rules that are not enforced every time appear to children like rules they do not have to follow.
Don't threaten consequences that you cannot or will not follow through on.
Children will begin to think that you will never punish them.
Be direct with consequences and always follow through. , Make sure your boundaries are regular and not arbitrary.
Children will notice if your rules seem to change or don’t always apply.
Keep the same rules all the time.
Children like consistency.
Important rules, especially those regarding behavior, should always be enforced so kids get used to them.
Don’t let your frustration get the better of you.
If you feel like you’re being inconsistent about the rules with your children, take a moment and think before you speak or act.
Be flexible.
Sometimes, you may adjust boundaries and rules depending on the situation.
Tell your children that this is an exception (like summer), but does not change any rules. , They must know you are serious about boundaries.
If they disobey, they should know there will be consequences.Give a warning.
If your children are not obeying your rules, warn them before doling out consequences for misbehavior.
Act clearly and decisively if any rules are broken again.
Don’t let your children get away with any rule-breaking, since they may not respect your boundaries.
Praise your children for things they are doing right.
Positive reinforcements often works better than negative reinforcement., Make sure your body language tells them that you love them, but still makes your expectations clear.
Remember how much bigger you are as an adult than a child so as to not scare them.
Maintain a neutral facial expression.
If you are talking to your child when they have crossed a boundary, don’t be angry or upset.
Be calm in voice, manner, and appearance.
Have open body language.
Don’t cross your arms or be closed off.
Make sure they know that you still care about them.
Get low next to them.
Avoid using your size or height, since that may intimidate the child.
Crouch down next to them while you’re talking to them.
Don’t ever be physical with a child if you’re angry.
Any physical actions you take should always be done after careful deliberation.
If you need to touch them to keep them safe, only do so enough until they can control their own movement and action. , Children often respond to rewards better than punishment.
Praise them for obeying boundaries.
Children like attention from adults.
Give them positive attention for the things they are doing right to encourage them to keep doing so in the future.
Set rewards ahead of time.
Make sure they know that their good behavior also has consequences.Don’t label children as “good” or “bad.” Let them know that their behavior is to be praised or blamed, but not them as people.
About the Author
Larry Hayes
A passionate writer with expertise in hobbies topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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