How to Set Expectations for Your Children's Behavior in Public
Make sure your expectations are age appropriate., Explain to your child what is off-limits., Give your child some control., Evaluate your expectations.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make sure your expectations are age appropriate.
Children develop at their own pace.
There are developmental milestones that provide a guideline for things that a child might be expected to do, but there is no guarantee that your child isn’t a little ahead or behind that guideline.
Do some research to learn about these milestones, since they are not common knowledge.
Before you go out, you should keep in mind the age of your child and the behaviors that they typically display, and evaluate whether your expectations are realistic.
If they are not, you need to set achievable goals for your children.For example, asking a four year old to sit still for ten minutes while getting their hair cut might be reasonable.
Asking the same four year old to sit still for thirty minutes while you wait on your food is probably unrealistic.
If you are going somewhere that requires a particular standard of behavior that your child is not ready to meet, you should consider getting a babysitter for the event. -
Step 2: Explain to your child what is off-limits.
Everything from your cat’s water bowl to the candy at the bottom of the checkout aisle appears to be fair game to your children.
You can explain to them that some things aren’t for them, but keep in mind that the parts of the brain responsible for regulating emotions and impulses develop very slowly (meaning that children either don’t have them yet, or they aren’t well developed yet).
Expecting a young child to consistently resist these temptations is unrealistic, but it does not mean you shouldn’t try.
By trying to guide them towards impulse control, you will be helping them to develop this skill.
Think ahead to what things might grab your child’s attention and try to minimize the number of times they have to resist playing with something that they shouldn’t.For example, if you are going through the grocery store checkout, it might be better to choose the self checkout lane that doesn’t have candy at your child’s eye level.
This will remove the temptation for them to grab the candy. , Children are not always capable of making decisions for themselves, so parents generally do this for them.
That in mind, children also need to feel like they get to make some on their own choices.
If you are not creating opportunities for them to do this when you go out, it is not realistic to expect their cooperation with your decisions.
Plan for something on the trip to be left up to your child’s discretion to buy for the reasonable behavior you discussed with them.Be sure to discuss this before you leave for the trip to get them excited and give them a reason to exercise the desired behavior.
For example, if you decide that you are going to the grocery store to get milk and cereal, you could let your child pick the kind of cereal they want to have.
You can even limit some choices to let your child pick between things that you present them.
In the case of cereal, you could offer to let them choose Cheerios or Raisin Bran if you wanted to avoid chocolate or fruity cereals that are packed with sugar. , Put yourself in your child’s shoes and think about how you would feel on this trip.
Are they expected to go a long time without a snack or to sit still for extended periods of time? If you find that you would be uncomfortable on the trip, your child certainly will be, too.
Change any expectations that you think your child cannot meet and set them up with expectations that they can meet. -
Step 3: Give your child some control.
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Step 4: Evaluate your expectations.
Detailed Guide
Children develop at their own pace.
There are developmental milestones that provide a guideline for things that a child might be expected to do, but there is no guarantee that your child isn’t a little ahead or behind that guideline.
Do some research to learn about these milestones, since they are not common knowledge.
Before you go out, you should keep in mind the age of your child and the behaviors that they typically display, and evaluate whether your expectations are realistic.
If they are not, you need to set achievable goals for your children.For example, asking a four year old to sit still for ten minutes while getting their hair cut might be reasonable.
Asking the same four year old to sit still for thirty minutes while you wait on your food is probably unrealistic.
If you are going somewhere that requires a particular standard of behavior that your child is not ready to meet, you should consider getting a babysitter for the event.
Everything from your cat’s water bowl to the candy at the bottom of the checkout aisle appears to be fair game to your children.
You can explain to them that some things aren’t for them, but keep in mind that the parts of the brain responsible for regulating emotions and impulses develop very slowly (meaning that children either don’t have them yet, or they aren’t well developed yet).
Expecting a young child to consistently resist these temptations is unrealistic, but it does not mean you shouldn’t try.
By trying to guide them towards impulse control, you will be helping them to develop this skill.
Think ahead to what things might grab your child’s attention and try to minimize the number of times they have to resist playing with something that they shouldn’t.For example, if you are going through the grocery store checkout, it might be better to choose the self checkout lane that doesn’t have candy at your child’s eye level.
This will remove the temptation for them to grab the candy. , Children are not always capable of making decisions for themselves, so parents generally do this for them.
That in mind, children also need to feel like they get to make some on their own choices.
If you are not creating opportunities for them to do this when you go out, it is not realistic to expect their cooperation with your decisions.
Plan for something on the trip to be left up to your child’s discretion to buy for the reasonable behavior you discussed with them.Be sure to discuss this before you leave for the trip to get them excited and give them a reason to exercise the desired behavior.
For example, if you decide that you are going to the grocery store to get milk and cereal, you could let your child pick the kind of cereal they want to have.
You can even limit some choices to let your child pick between things that you present them.
In the case of cereal, you could offer to let them choose Cheerios or Raisin Bran if you wanted to avoid chocolate or fruity cereals that are packed with sugar. , Put yourself in your child’s shoes and think about how you would feel on this trip.
Are they expected to go a long time without a snack or to sit still for extended periods of time? If you find that you would be uncomfortable on the trip, your child certainly will be, too.
Change any expectations that you think your child cannot meet and set them up with expectations that they can meet.
About the Author
Claire Griffin
Committed to making DIY projects accessible and understandable for everyone.
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