How to Spend Time with Difficult Parents As an Adult
Set up emotional boundaries., Implement physical boundaries., Give options., Encourage your parents to be honest with you.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Set up emotional boundaries.
Difficult parents often tend to criticize and nit-pick.
Tell them certain subjects are off limits and stick with your rules.
Bending even once shows them that you are not strong in your convictions and will allow your parents to walk all over you.
For example, you could say to your parents, “I am raising my children the best way I know how.
I appreciate your concern, but I don’t want to talk about how I raise them with you.
I would appreciate it if we don’t discuss that topic.” Stay respectful but firm to attempt to avoid arguments. -
Step 2: Implement physical boundaries.
Do your parents constantly push their way into your life? Do they show up unannounced, call several times a day, and expect you to attend every event they have and come over every time they need you? If so, it’s time to create some rules.
For instance, you could tell your parents to give you at least a day’s notice before they come to your house.
That they are permitted to call once a day, but no more.
That you will make events when you can, but you don’t want to hear grief when you can’t.
Setting these boundaries can help to establish the type of relationship that works for you., If you are taking care of your mentally or physically ill parent, they may resist or resent your help.
One way to get around this is to allow them to help in some decisions when it comes to their lives.
Offering them options helps them feel they have some control, which may improve their attitude.
Try to respect the needs they express, and if possible, try to foster an open discussion so that everyone feels heard.
Allow them to pick what days of the week they take a shower, visit the doctor, or engage in any other activity they do regularly.
They can also help pick what meals they want to eat and what clothes they wear.
Having this sense of purpose may make them less difficult to deal with.Allowing options also helps older adults maintain a sense of autonomy.
They want to feel independent and avoid being a burden.
By providing options, you are also providing a sense of self-control. , Sometimes parents are difficult because they agree to do something they’d rather not.
As a result, they have an attitude and act resentful during the process.
To combat this, tell them to be honest with you, instead of holding a passive-aggressive grudge.
After you ask them to do something, you could say, “Please be totally honest with me when answering.
I’d rather you tell me ‘no’ than do something you don’t want to.
Then it’s not enjoyable for anyone involved.” Saying this may help them feel that being honest is helpful, instead of harsh.Understand that your parents may not be directly vocal about why they are being difficult.
Ask them questions and try to get to the underlying reason of their displeasure. -
Step 3: Give options.
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Step 4: Encourage your parents to be honest with you.
Detailed Guide
Difficult parents often tend to criticize and nit-pick.
Tell them certain subjects are off limits and stick with your rules.
Bending even once shows them that you are not strong in your convictions and will allow your parents to walk all over you.
For example, you could say to your parents, “I am raising my children the best way I know how.
I appreciate your concern, but I don’t want to talk about how I raise them with you.
I would appreciate it if we don’t discuss that topic.” Stay respectful but firm to attempt to avoid arguments.
Do your parents constantly push their way into your life? Do they show up unannounced, call several times a day, and expect you to attend every event they have and come over every time they need you? If so, it’s time to create some rules.
For instance, you could tell your parents to give you at least a day’s notice before they come to your house.
That they are permitted to call once a day, but no more.
That you will make events when you can, but you don’t want to hear grief when you can’t.
Setting these boundaries can help to establish the type of relationship that works for you., If you are taking care of your mentally or physically ill parent, they may resist or resent your help.
One way to get around this is to allow them to help in some decisions when it comes to their lives.
Offering them options helps them feel they have some control, which may improve their attitude.
Try to respect the needs they express, and if possible, try to foster an open discussion so that everyone feels heard.
Allow them to pick what days of the week they take a shower, visit the doctor, or engage in any other activity they do regularly.
They can also help pick what meals they want to eat and what clothes they wear.
Having this sense of purpose may make them less difficult to deal with.Allowing options also helps older adults maintain a sense of autonomy.
They want to feel independent and avoid being a burden.
By providing options, you are also providing a sense of self-control. , Sometimes parents are difficult because they agree to do something they’d rather not.
As a result, they have an attitude and act resentful during the process.
To combat this, tell them to be honest with you, instead of holding a passive-aggressive grudge.
After you ask them to do something, you could say, “Please be totally honest with me when answering.
I’d rather you tell me ‘no’ than do something you don’t want to.
Then it’s not enjoyable for anyone involved.” Saying this may help them feel that being honest is helpful, instead of harsh.Understand that your parents may not be directly vocal about why they are being difficult.
Ask them questions and try to get to the underlying reason of their displeasure.
About the Author
James Hayes
Experienced content creator specializing in lifestyle guides and tutorials.
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