How to Stay in Contact with Judgmental Family As an Adult
Respond diplomatically., Know when to let it go., Change the topic if the conversation is not going well., Find the humor., Practice compassion., Set boundaries.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Respond diplomatically.
When your relative begins to talk about what they don’t like about you, try not to react defensively.
Getting upset with them will only add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse.
Instead, stay calm and end the conversation respectfully.
For instance, if the relative says something rude about your love life, say “I am happy with how it’s going, but thank you,” and then walk away.
Ending the conversation by acknowledging what they’ve said, but leaving in a polite way, may prevent any hard feelings and may even stop the relative from bringing the topic up again. -
Step 2: Know when to let it go.
Striking back may be your first instinct, but take a look at the bigger picture before you respond.
Ask yourself if fighting back is worth the time, emotional energy, and backlash you may receive.
You don’t have to react to everything that is said; it may be wise to save your strength to fight back against something that really matters to you., You may not be able to get a judgmental or critical person to see outside of their own point of view, but it is possible.
In some cases, it is better to just change the topic because attempting to explain yourself or change the way they feel may leave you defeated and depleted.
Pay attention to how the conversation is going and redirect the conversation if things start to get rocky.
For example, if your family doesn’t agree with the way you raise your children and you can tell the conversation is beginning to head that way, then you have the option to shut it down immediately.
Instead of discussing what they have said to you, ask them a question about something they will enjoy talking about.
This can get them off of your back and help the conversation to become positive., Laughter is the best medicine and can prove to be extremely helpful in this situation.
The next time your family member berates you, find the humor in how their opinion is so wrong and so off-base from reality.
Simply smile, shake your head and laugh knowing that what they say isn’t true and is actually quite comical.However, make sure not to do this in their presence because this could offend the person. , Although it may sound counterintuitive to show compassion to someone who is negative towards you, it may make both of you feel better.
Take a look at their lives and you may understand why they are the way they are, which may ultimately make you feel sorry for them.
Showing them a little kindness may spark something inside of them, which can help your relationship improve.
Even when they are being mean, try to say something nice to them.
Just saying “hi” when your interaction is usually limited can make a huge difference.
Buy them a present, take them out to lunch or even send a nice card or flowers.
Making the effort to rise above the situation and acknowledging that you are still human and family may be just what the critical person needs to become happy and find peace., Families are often so immersed in each other’s lives that it is easy to cross the line.
Setting up boundaries, however, can prevent them from becoming too involved and potentially hurtful.
Instilling rules for them—and yourself—and then sticking to them is extremely important in keeping negativity out of your life.
Tell your family members what they are and aren’t allowed to talk to you about.
For instance, if the subject of your ex-spouse is off limits, let them know in a kind way.
You could say, “I appreciate you looking out for me when it comes to my ex, but I don’t want to talk about it and won’t.” Don’t waver or give in even just once, because doing so creates an invitation for them to break through the barriers that you worked so hard to hold up. -
Step 3: Change the topic if the conversation is not going well.
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Step 4: Find the humor.
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Step 5: Practice compassion.
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Step 6: Set boundaries.
Detailed Guide
When your relative begins to talk about what they don’t like about you, try not to react defensively.
Getting upset with them will only add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse.
Instead, stay calm and end the conversation respectfully.
For instance, if the relative says something rude about your love life, say “I am happy with how it’s going, but thank you,” and then walk away.
Ending the conversation by acknowledging what they’ve said, but leaving in a polite way, may prevent any hard feelings and may even stop the relative from bringing the topic up again.
Striking back may be your first instinct, but take a look at the bigger picture before you respond.
Ask yourself if fighting back is worth the time, emotional energy, and backlash you may receive.
You don’t have to react to everything that is said; it may be wise to save your strength to fight back against something that really matters to you., You may not be able to get a judgmental or critical person to see outside of their own point of view, but it is possible.
In some cases, it is better to just change the topic because attempting to explain yourself or change the way they feel may leave you defeated and depleted.
Pay attention to how the conversation is going and redirect the conversation if things start to get rocky.
For example, if your family doesn’t agree with the way you raise your children and you can tell the conversation is beginning to head that way, then you have the option to shut it down immediately.
Instead of discussing what they have said to you, ask them a question about something they will enjoy talking about.
This can get them off of your back and help the conversation to become positive., Laughter is the best medicine and can prove to be extremely helpful in this situation.
The next time your family member berates you, find the humor in how their opinion is so wrong and so off-base from reality.
Simply smile, shake your head and laugh knowing that what they say isn’t true and is actually quite comical.However, make sure not to do this in their presence because this could offend the person. , Although it may sound counterintuitive to show compassion to someone who is negative towards you, it may make both of you feel better.
Take a look at their lives and you may understand why they are the way they are, which may ultimately make you feel sorry for them.
Showing them a little kindness may spark something inside of them, which can help your relationship improve.
Even when they are being mean, try to say something nice to them.
Just saying “hi” when your interaction is usually limited can make a huge difference.
Buy them a present, take them out to lunch or even send a nice card or flowers.
Making the effort to rise above the situation and acknowledging that you are still human and family may be just what the critical person needs to become happy and find peace., Families are often so immersed in each other’s lives that it is easy to cross the line.
Setting up boundaries, however, can prevent them from becoming too involved and potentially hurtful.
Instilling rules for them—and yourself—and then sticking to them is extremely important in keeping negativity out of your life.
Tell your family members what they are and aren’t allowed to talk to you about.
For instance, if the subject of your ex-spouse is off limits, let them know in a kind way.
You could say, “I appreciate you looking out for me when it comes to my ex, but I don’t want to talk about it and won’t.” Don’t waver or give in even just once, because doing so creates an invitation for them to break through the barriers that you worked so hard to hold up.
About the Author
Janet Ramos
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow crafts tutorials.
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