How to Stop Your Child From Masturbating in Public
Give your child some privacy when at home., Distract your child., Provide them with a security object to take in public., Send them to their rooms., Get updates from their teacher., Talk to your child's caregivers., Foster self-esteem., Monitor your...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give your child some privacy when at home.
Everyone needs time alone, children included, and this kind of private time is when masturbation is generally appropriate.
However, if they decide to masturbate right in front of you or in front other others, the behavior needs to be curtailed.
With an increase in privacy, the inappropriate behavior may decrease.Ignore it at bedtime.
If you catch them masturbating at bedtime or when they are alone in the bathroom, you should not punish them, and should just leave them be instead.
Remember that masturbation does not necessarily mean that your child will become sexually active with another person soon.
It is just a sign of personal body discovery.
Until inappropriate behavior in front of others has been addressed, provide your child with some privacy at home, but continue to supervise them in front of other children. -
Step 2: Distract your child.
When you are in public, you might not want to address the behavior directly as this will call even more attention to it.
However, you can distract your child to snap them out of it and shift their focus to something more appropriate.
If they are younger, you might use a game to do so.
If they are older, then you can ask them a question or ask them to do you a favor.You might say “Can you go get me a few napkins?” or “Can you get some gum for me out of my purse?” , Providing a younger child with a blanket or stuffed animal can be a great way to occupy their mind and their hands to distract them from masturbation.
This can also help to soothe children who are anxious or who have any developmental disabilities., If you are close to your home, you might want to send your child to their rooms so that they can be alone and have their privacy.
Perhaps you are at a neighbor’s home with your child and they are old enough to walk home on their own.
If so, send them home and have a conversation afterwards.If they are too young, then go home with them and have a conversation then. , Your child might be masturbating in public when you are with them or when you are away, such as when they are at school.
If your child is masturbating at school, then you should work to provide them with some solutions so that they can dissipate the desire and wait until they get home.
Connect with their teacher to see how they are performing at school and if they have any concerns.Do not directly ask about masturbation because you do not want to embarrass your child or put their teacher on alert.
You might say something like “I wanted to just check in on how Henry is doing lately in your class.
Do you have any updates about his grades or his behavior that I should know about?” If his teacher tells you that he has been masturbating in class, thank them and let them know you are working with your child and to call you if it happens again. , If your child has any additional caregivers including before or after-school program instructors, babysitters, nannies, or any other form of additional support, speak with them about the situation.
Ask them for updates on your child's actions, and let them know how you want them to handle any inappropriate situations.Consistency is important, so any other caretakers should be on the same page regarding handling your child's masturbation. , Masturbation may occur more often in children who are looking for comfort or pleasure.
To help curb that behavior, try to provide your child with a well-rounded set of activities they can turn to when they are seeking enjoyment, and help bolster their confidence so that they can provide themselves with other forms of comfort.Allow your child to try a number of different hobbies and activities.
Finding some that they truly enjoy can help keep them engaged and boost their self-esteem.
Let your child know that they are capable, valued, and accepted in your home.
Create a warm, supportive environment to help bolster your child's confidence. , Don't confront them harshly or in a way that might make them close up or feel shame.
If they're very young, it is likely that they don't realize what they're doing or what sexual implications it has, so being understanding and gentle is key to how they'll view their sexuality in the future.
It will also make them more likely to have discussions with you in the future about sex rather than turning to others or keeping secrets.Remember
- don’t shame them or make them feel guilty for masturbation; simply explain to them that doing it in public is problematic. , You will want to address the action immediately when it happens, but you shouldn’t have a serious conversation about it in public.
Simply tell your child to “stop” or distract them from the behavior.
When you get home, have a conversation with them in private about what they did and why it is inappropriate.
Say something like “Jeremy, your body is yours and you can touch it if you want, but there are some areas that you should not touch unless you are alone in your room.
Don’t do that again when you are away from home.
Do you understand?” Don’t raise the issue in front of others.
You don’t want your child to feel humiliated in public. , The actions that they're actually taking aren't a problem, just the location.
Let them know that it's not appropriate to expose or touch their private parts in public or around other people.Compare it to other things that should be done in private, like bathing or using the restroom. , Rather than focusing on what they shouldn't do, turn the discussion to what they can do.
Explain to them that if they choose to masturbate, they can do so in a private area such as in a bedroom or bathroom., With older children, this talk might lead to more questions about sex and sexuality, so be open to hearing questions and providing honest answers about the acts and your family values surrounding them.
With younger children, you might want to talk to them more about their private parts and how they function.
With younger children, don't get more intense than they're ready for; be honest, but keep it simple.
For example, you might just say, "Touching there is okay, but it's not okay to do that in class or when other people are in the room at home.
Do you want to go to your room to take a break and do that?" Think about who would be the most effective person to talk to your child.
Some children may respond better to the parent of the same gender, or may be more willing to engage with the parent to whom they are closer. , If you notice your child masturbates constantly, to the point where they injure themselves, tries to make other children masturbate, or if you suspect someone has taught them to masturbate, call a pediatrician or therapist.
Sexual abuse may have occurred and could be the root of the problem.
Note that repeated urinary tract infections may also be a sign of excessive masturbation and potential ongoing abuse. , After having clarified when it is appropriate to masturbate and when it is not, should your child choose to act out of these boundaries, you must take away certain privileges.
Doing so will reinforce to them that masturbation in public is not okay and will curb that bad behavior.Consider taking away their phone or TV privileges.
Say something like “Amy, you know we have talked about masturbation.
It’s okay for you to do in your room, but it’s not okay to do at school.
Since you did that today, I will need you to give me your phone for a few days as punishment.” , Some children masturbate out of a desire for physical contact, a desire which is not always sexual.
Hug your child more, sit by them on the couch when you watch TV, and just be a bit more physically affectionate in general.
If they begin to touch themselves near you, however, ask them to go to their room or to the bathroom., As you are setting boundaries with your child, also set boundaries with yourself and allow them their privacy.
Once you have explained to them the appropriate spaces for them to masturbate, be sure to not enter into any of those spaces without knocking first. , This process is likely new both for you and your child.
Be firm with them but be gentle and supportive, as well.
Remind your child that masturbation is okay in private and tell them that they can always come to you with questions or if they just want to talk., Some children may turn to self-pleasuring behavior as a means of coping or tension release.
Teach your children how to communicate their feelings using emotional terms such as "sad" or "angry," and let them know that there is nothing wrong with having hurt feelings, as long as they are able to vocalize them.Practice proper coping in your daily life, especially when your child is around, to help them better understand how to properly deal with emotionally stressful situations. -
Step 3: Provide them with a security object to take in public.
-
Step 4: Send them to their rooms.
-
Step 5: Get updates from their teacher.
-
Step 6: Talk to your child's caregivers.
-
Step 7: Foster self-esteem.
-
Step 8: Monitor your tone.
-
Step 9: Pick your timing carefully.
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Step 10: Explain to them that there's nothing wrong with exploring their private areas.
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Step 11: Give them options.
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Step 12: Be understanding and as age-appropriate as possible.
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Step 13: Be wary of signs of abuse.
-
Step 14: Take away privileges if they don’t abide by the rules.
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Step 15: Increase affection to your child.
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Step 16: Don’t go into their room without knocking.
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Step 17: Be positive and supportive.
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Step 18: Teach your child coping skills.
Detailed Guide
Everyone needs time alone, children included, and this kind of private time is when masturbation is generally appropriate.
However, if they decide to masturbate right in front of you or in front other others, the behavior needs to be curtailed.
With an increase in privacy, the inappropriate behavior may decrease.Ignore it at bedtime.
If you catch them masturbating at bedtime or when they are alone in the bathroom, you should not punish them, and should just leave them be instead.
Remember that masturbation does not necessarily mean that your child will become sexually active with another person soon.
It is just a sign of personal body discovery.
Until inappropriate behavior in front of others has been addressed, provide your child with some privacy at home, but continue to supervise them in front of other children.
When you are in public, you might not want to address the behavior directly as this will call even more attention to it.
However, you can distract your child to snap them out of it and shift their focus to something more appropriate.
If they are younger, you might use a game to do so.
If they are older, then you can ask them a question or ask them to do you a favor.You might say “Can you go get me a few napkins?” or “Can you get some gum for me out of my purse?” , Providing a younger child with a blanket or stuffed animal can be a great way to occupy their mind and their hands to distract them from masturbation.
This can also help to soothe children who are anxious or who have any developmental disabilities., If you are close to your home, you might want to send your child to their rooms so that they can be alone and have their privacy.
Perhaps you are at a neighbor’s home with your child and they are old enough to walk home on their own.
If so, send them home and have a conversation afterwards.If they are too young, then go home with them and have a conversation then. , Your child might be masturbating in public when you are with them or when you are away, such as when they are at school.
If your child is masturbating at school, then you should work to provide them with some solutions so that they can dissipate the desire and wait until they get home.
Connect with their teacher to see how they are performing at school and if they have any concerns.Do not directly ask about masturbation because you do not want to embarrass your child or put their teacher on alert.
You might say something like “I wanted to just check in on how Henry is doing lately in your class.
Do you have any updates about his grades or his behavior that I should know about?” If his teacher tells you that he has been masturbating in class, thank them and let them know you are working with your child and to call you if it happens again. , If your child has any additional caregivers including before or after-school program instructors, babysitters, nannies, or any other form of additional support, speak with them about the situation.
Ask them for updates on your child's actions, and let them know how you want them to handle any inappropriate situations.Consistency is important, so any other caretakers should be on the same page regarding handling your child's masturbation. , Masturbation may occur more often in children who are looking for comfort or pleasure.
To help curb that behavior, try to provide your child with a well-rounded set of activities they can turn to when they are seeking enjoyment, and help bolster their confidence so that they can provide themselves with other forms of comfort.Allow your child to try a number of different hobbies and activities.
Finding some that they truly enjoy can help keep them engaged and boost their self-esteem.
Let your child know that they are capable, valued, and accepted in your home.
Create a warm, supportive environment to help bolster your child's confidence. , Don't confront them harshly or in a way that might make them close up or feel shame.
If they're very young, it is likely that they don't realize what they're doing or what sexual implications it has, so being understanding and gentle is key to how they'll view their sexuality in the future.
It will also make them more likely to have discussions with you in the future about sex rather than turning to others or keeping secrets.Remember
- don’t shame them or make them feel guilty for masturbation; simply explain to them that doing it in public is problematic. , You will want to address the action immediately when it happens, but you shouldn’t have a serious conversation about it in public.
Simply tell your child to “stop” or distract them from the behavior.
When you get home, have a conversation with them in private about what they did and why it is inappropriate.
Say something like “Jeremy, your body is yours and you can touch it if you want, but there are some areas that you should not touch unless you are alone in your room.
Don’t do that again when you are away from home.
Do you understand?” Don’t raise the issue in front of others.
You don’t want your child to feel humiliated in public. , The actions that they're actually taking aren't a problem, just the location.
Let them know that it's not appropriate to expose or touch their private parts in public or around other people.Compare it to other things that should be done in private, like bathing or using the restroom. , Rather than focusing on what they shouldn't do, turn the discussion to what they can do.
Explain to them that if they choose to masturbate, they can do so in a private area such as in a bedroom or bathroom., With older children, this talk might lead to more questions about sex and sexuality, so be open to hearing questions and providing honest answers about the acts and your family values surrounding them.
With younger children, you might want to talk to them more about their private parts and how they function.
With younger children, don't get more intense than they're ready for; be honest, but keep it simple.
For example, you might just say, "Touching there is okay, but it's not okay to do that in class or when other people are in the room at home.
Do you want to go to your room to take a break and do that?" Think about who would be the most effective person to talk to your child.
Some children may respond better to the parent of the same gender, or may be more willing to engage with the parent to whom they are closer. , If you notice your child masturbates constantly, to the point where they injure themselves, tries to make other children masturbate, or if you suspect someone has taught them to masturbate, call a pediatrician or therapist.
Sexual abuse may have occurred and could be the root of the problem.
Note that repeated urinary tract infections may also be a sign of excessive masturbation and potential ongoing abuse. , After having clarified when it is appropriate to masturbate and when it is not, should your child choose to act out of these boundaries, you must take away certain privileges.
Doing so will reinforce to them that masturbation in public is not okay and will curb that bad behavior.Consider taking away their phone or TV privileges.
Say something like “Amy, you know we have talked about masturbation.
It’s okay for you to do in your room, but it’s not okay to do at school.
Since you did that today, I will need you to give me your phone for a few days as punishment.” , Some children masturbate out of a desire for physical contact, a desire which is not always sexual.
Hug your child more, sit by them on the couch when you watch TV, and just be a bit more physically affectionate in general.
If they begin to touch themselves near you, however, ask them to go to their room or to the bathroom., As you are setting boundaries with your child, also set boundaries with yourself and allow them their privacy.
Once you have explained to them the appropriate spaces for them to masturbate, be sure to not enter into any of those spaces without knocking first. , This process is likely new both for you and your child.
Be firm with them but be gentle and supportive, as well.
Remind your child that masturbation is okay in private and tell them that they can always come to you with questions or if they just want to talk., Some children may turn to self-pleasuring behavior as a means of coping or tension release.
Teach your children how to communicate their feelings using emotional terms such as "sad" or "angry," and let them know that there is nothing wrong with having hurt feelings, as long as they are able to vocalize them.Practice proper coping in your daily life, especially when your child is around, to help them better understand how to properly deal with emotionally stressful situations.
About the Author
Jerry Peterson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical crafts knowledge.
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